Do you ever want to run away?
I assume the answer is yes for many of us. As the only child and health care proxy for my mother, I have been in hell for the past year or so. First she had a stroke, was in rehab, then the horrifying longterm care NH unit at the same place. That was ghastly for her, so I saw a lawyer and arranged 24/7 home care, which is now paid for by Medicaid. That is a huge blessing, as is the fact that she is part of a house calls program, so her dr and lab technicians come to her home to care for her.
A few months ago, she started getting UTIs, and I have had to make the decision to call 911 and get her to the ER (she can't get there any other way when she's ill). She now has her 4th UTI in 6 mos, and I am about to crack. The first one landed her in the ICU in septic shock. I know she needs to go back to the ER, but we were just there 3 weeks ago!! (Don't bother to suggest UTI cures, please. She has a huge kidney stone which has to come out or these will keep happening. Surgery is the only option - not great for someone her age - 84. I was looking into planning it but then she got another f-ing UTI.I have talked to numerous urologists, so I know the options at this point.)
I love her SO much and I am pretty sure I will have to get her back to the ER soon, but part of me just wants to take a plane to the other end of the world and let someone else deal with all of this, plus make the call about whether it's time to go back to the ER. I have missed so much work and am so unbelievably stressed. She is not in any pain and somewhat confused, so she can't weigh in. She says she's fine and not to worry. I have to take charge. She is so vulnerable and will do anything I say - which is not the way it was, ever, until her stroke.
I'm actually MAD at her for getting another UTI so soon - how crazy is that? I'm used to it happening every 8 weeks, not 3 weeks! I simply cannot deal with this anymore, but I can't just refuse to take her to the hospital and let her die. She is not Ok with that, nor is she OK with going to the hospital again or having surgery - so, yeah. Her dr was there yesterday and said she was fine and took blood and urine (which is bloody).
What if I DID live far away? I wish her aides would make the call and get her to the hospital. I wouldn't even mind meeting them there, but I cannot stand the whole 911 thing, and then waiting in the ER for 100 years. It is so traumatic for both of us. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH.