My mom (in end-stage Alzheimers) tried to stab my 10 year old son.

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I was in the bathroom and I heard him scream. Apparently, my mother was trying to cut an electrical cord to our cat's pet waterer (which was plugged in and active) with a pair of scissors--and my son was scared she would be electrocuted. He had the presence of mind to not touch her (for fear that HE would be electrocuted), but he tried "tapping" the scissors out of her hand. It was at this point that she began waving the scissors at him. I stepped between them and told my son to go to the other room. My mom began struggling to get past me (toward him), and threw the scissors toward his back. I have had some less-severe incidences in the past that have been physical, but this was terrifying. My children are now afraid to not only be around my mom, but to sleep!! I am single and have no help at all; my sister lives over an hour away, and had my mom for 2 years up until this past October. Every second of every day is a struggle and I am falling back into a severe depression. My children are miserable and don't like being here anymore. I panic when I have to go out to the grocery store or to take my son to baseball practice--evidentally, now I have to panic when I go to the bathroom!! I shake constantly--like a person shivering--because my nerves are so wound up. My doctor has advised me that I cannot handle this non-stop stress. I have only recently overcome a severe depression. I can't sleep--my mom is up 4-5 times a night for up to an hour and a half each time. I swear, I think I'm dying. I borrowed money from my mom years ago, which I am unable to pay back (ex hasn't paid alimony in almost 2 years)--and because of this, I feel obligated to keep my mom out of a nursing home. If we put her in one, what money she has now will be spent on her caregiving, and my sisters won't get "their share" of the savings. They are both extremely angry with me because of this, and one sister always threatens to "call the Police" on me. I'm at a loss--and seriously, I truly mean it when I say I am one hair away from either hurting myself or just losing it altogether. My relationship with my children is suffering as a result and everything seems to be falling apart. Can someone please help???


omg, there is so much here it is hard to know where to start.

First things first: YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER. That is the number one fact to consider. So are you, and so is your mother, if she thinks cutting a live electric wire with a scissors is a reasonable thing to do. This is not your mother's fault. Poor dear did not ask for dementia. She would no doubt be appalled at her behavoir if she could see it from her right mind. I feel very, very sorry for her and all the people who have become a danger to themselves and other through no fault of their own.

BUT ... sympathy for grandmother can't blind us to the very real danger that exists here. First and foremost the children in the house must be safe, must feel safe, and must be able to get on with the business of growing up normally. That is your first responsibility, before anything you owe your mother or your sisters or yourself. Put your role as mother first.

That means your mother must be removed from the house. Sorry. Dementia is a progressive disease. Maybe she was not this dangerous when she lived with your sister. But she is now. All you can deal with is how she is now. Start immediately figuring out how to get her placed in an appropriate setting. Call Social Services or her doctor or your doctor or her case worker and explain you have an emergency situation where your mother has attempted to harm your child. If you have any sense that she isn't sleeping tonight and she might present dangerous behavior, call the police now. Removing her for a 72-hour stay in a psychiatric ward might be necessary, and give enough time for determining a more permanent solution.

I know this is not what you want for your mother. This situation is not what she would want for you. The evil party here is the disease itself. Keep that in mind. Help your children understand it. But you MUST take action to protect the safety of all concerned.

Get professional help in figuring out the correct placement. I imagine it is going to be a memory care unit, but that might not be adequate if she is a danger to others. Let the professionals work that out. What you need to be clear about is that she cannot stay in your house with your children.

Next, your dysfunction family situation -- your sisters are nuts. You know that, right? By all means, encourage Sis to call the police. If they want to hate you because you can't pay back money you borrowed from your mother (not from them) years ago, that is their loss. They'd rather have their share of that money than have a decent relationship with a sister who needs their support? That is very, very sad. Accept it and move on with your life.

At this point your mother's money is absolutely to be used for her care. If that means that there will be none left for any of you to inherit, that is what it means. No one is "entitled" to money they did not earn. Those lucky enough to inherit are fortunate indeed, but to expect others to suffer in order for that to be possible is selfish and sick.

Mother needs the best care she can get. That is not going to be in your house, because you are not trained/equipped to give it and you have no 24/7 backups. Your children need to be safe and secure. That means no demented grandmother who might hurt them. You need time to heal and take care of yourself.

First things first. Get your mother removed from your house on an emergency basis. Come back and let us know how this is going.

Then come back and let us help you with the inevitable fallout with your sisters.

I've just re-read your post. I really think you should take emergency action NOW, not even waiting until various offices open in the morning. Call the police.
I'd also like you to ask yourself, if your mother had been of sound mind, would she have given you the money you needed in order to make ends meet? If the answer is yes, then give yourself a break with the guilt. If the answer is no, then sorry, she still needs to go, but the guilt you can lose. Call your sister and tell her what happened, when she took care of your mom things probably weren't that bad yet, so she needs to know what's going on. Tell her that mom has to go into memory care or something, cause you're at the end. If she wants the money when mom dies, then she can take mom back and help keep that money intact. I bet she doesn't want the money THAT bad.
Thank you both so much for your words of knowledge and support. I had a long talk with my sister and have given her one month to do something/anything. She is my mom's POA, so the legwork of finding a nursing home is in her hands. As for my children--I am still mortified. I feel SO horrible for them--yet the are understanding of the fact that "Nana is sick" and have told me that they DO love her. There is a huge line between being frustrated with the daily in's and out's of caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's and being downright afraid that this person may purposely hurt you.
My sister is meeting with an elder care attorney next week--he had interesting info stating the the 5 year "lookback" for Medicare may be shortened because I am disabled. I'm not sure how or why--but it is a bit of a silver lining.
Thank you both again.
greenday7777, thank you for that update. Please come back and tell us how things are progressing. We learn from each other!
I am glad that you were able to talk with your sister and she agreed to see an eldercare attorney. You can also look into your states area on aging program they may have some assistance and resources for you. Don't feel guilty about putting your mom in a nursing home, I am sure that you will find one that you are comfortable with and that will provide your mom with top of line care. Just make sure that they provide dementia care on a dementia unit. Remember you are doing a good thing for her, once she settles in she will feel safe and secure, they will know how to take care of her and manage her dementia. it may take a few weeks before she adjusts, just hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnell. Even though your mom is not yet on medicaid, please start submitting applications to nursing homes, sometimes there is a long waiting list.
Sorry, I submitted my above post before finished. I just want to add, don't feel guilty. Guilt will kill you. You have to think of yourself and children first.
I'm the Son of June A.Fischer who had Alzheimer & was 75 years old also from Cathedral City, Ca. as I'm from Arkansas.
as my three Sisters, Susie E.Litter of Truckee, Ca. & Roxanne M.Vetter of Incline Village,NV. also Gwendoln A.Wiegenstein of Palm Springs, Ca.

August 27,2004 my three Sisters was on "Drugs" also, took their Mother "Alzheimer Pills away" & gve her "Drugs" as June had "Alzheimer" & was 75 years old.
at night as they look on When Ralph D.Littler & Michael J.Wiegenstein
(Rape & Molester) their Mother in-law !
Auguster 28,2004 at 8:30 pm June A.Fischer was dead !
Why ?
for the (fischer Trust) June A.Fischer has $2 Million !
my Three Sisters, along with the two mens got awy with killing my Mother
On 9-22-2009 they call me & told me that Mum passway & dad is somewhere in Riverside,Ca.
I went out to California March 11 to 18,2010, thatwhen I found out the true
what they done to my Mother & father, when my Mother passawy they put my Dad in the BACK-ROOM he passaway October 19,2006 he was 76 years old

But where we got back to Arkansas I has a other Heart Attack and now I live only with a half of a Heart.
and I think about my Mother & Dad what my three Sisters & the two mens done to my Mum
but I know where they are now it took over 6 years, my Mum & Dad is at
Riverside National Cemetary in Riverside, Caifornia

What I told you is the Truth, i have a half know and I;m a Chistian so one day I hope the Lord wiil help me get to me Mum & Dad !

God Bless the Womens & Mens who have "Alzheimer"
Thank you for your time
marqus fischer

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