Employee, not daughter.
Approaching my husband's retirement in less than a year, and I don't want us to be locked into living in the same town as my mother and sister after retirement. My 82 yr old mom has a "teched up" house (alarm, wifi, security cameras, 3 computers, etc) and relies on me as her 24/7 information technology administrator (along with my spouse). I understand that my sister is not competent with complex tech troubleshooting, but I never wanted to have this responsibility which is now in its 6th year. She relies on my spouse and me to complete or supervise her household maintenance, take her to appointments, pay her bills/taxes, be her personal shopper, provide entertainment...I just dread the calls and emails knowing she'll be wanting something else done. No amount of attention for her is enough, and she quickly forgets when I've just spent 5 out of 8 days helping her with things. My only sister lives 3 houses down from her, but she has many genuine health problems, is retired due to bad health, and is rearing (since infancy) her young granddaughter. So, I try to cut my sister some slack, but she finds it easy to go for days without contacting my mom or answering calls, knowing that Mother is going to rely on me anyway. I gave up my career over three years ago due to my mom's and sister's serious health problems, but I don't want to be tied down to having to give up our retirement dreams to remain Cinderella for my mother. Being responsible and competent feels like a curse. I have no other siblings to help out, my mom has no siblings, there are no cousins to help, my sister's daughters are useless (one is in and out of jail), we've had a terrible track record trying to hire good agency/private duty help in this tiny community, my mom doesn't want to move away from here to wherever we go after my spouse retires...I don't see a solution that will appease all of us and welcome suggestions.