Please, I need emotional support.

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My partner has had enough of living for two years with my selfish mean mother. My partner is moving out of our home to another state next week. My mother has won. She never cared about me having a life. Just take are of her, I still worked full time. I will be 63 next week. My partner is moving out and I am so devastated. My mother has not been told. I am afraid when I tell her I will say how I am feeling.


Consider getting your mom into some kind of residential facility. You don't have to destroy your life to take care of your mom. Your mom's had her life, now it's your turn to have a good life too. You can still visit her and advocate for her...but you don't have to sacrifice your life and happiness to take care of a selfish, mean mom.
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Is there any way you can have someone else take over your mother's care? Get her on Medicaid and use the support services if she doesn't have money? If your partner knows that you are working on a solution, maybe your partner will stay or at least leave the door open for you later.

It seems to me that you've given up enough of your life for your mother's needs and you deserve a life of your own. If you love your partner try to find a solution so that you can stay together. I sounds as if your partner has given up plenty. Making these choices is hard, but you deserve a life. Take care of yourself while you can.
Is your grandmother still there, too? I thought you were 23 -- that must have been a type-o. Please let us know what is going on. This post is so different from your first.
Oh, I'm sorry. That was another person that I had you confused with. No longer confused here.
Your partner may be saving your life by forcing you to confront your situation. I'm afraid what you are getting here is a concerned kick in the ass.

You have as much right to a decent life as your mother does. You can choose to stay with her and take care of her for the next 20 years. (She's 80 or over, but today more and more people live to be over 100. Especially the mean ones.)

Why would you choose to do that? If you choose to do it out of genuine love, great. It will be hard, but it will be rewarding. If you choose to do it to show her that you are a good child, and to get her to love and approve of you, that's foolish. She didn't approve of you for the last 60 years. She won't start now. Cut your losses.

You can get yourself free of her and still do the hard work of overseeing her care. That is what most children do. I bet she is charming to strangers. If she is being cared for by professionals, she might even be happier than she is now. She will resist, but she can't see how nice it will be to live in a "college dorm for seniors."

You have a hard choice to make. Your life doesn't have to be over. You don't have to be her whipping boy for the rest of her life.

Whichever choice you make, we will support you and advise you on practical ways to handle things and feel better.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. :( I think it would be alright to tell your mom how you feel... in a factual way, not angrily. Maybe you could practice what you will say before you tell her. Also, I agree with whoever said you should look about a nursing facility. It sounds like it is time.

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