My parents think I'm their own private Cinderella slave.

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I have spent 3 of the last 5 days at my parents house. It has made me ill to the point I can barely get up. Abnormal? Friday I just had to come over. For what, my Dad hurt his back so they both went into I cant function at all mode? What was so urgent that day? As they sat upon their thrones and barked out orders: Blow the leaves, vaccum (sp?) water my plants, go get the mail, take care of the trash, go pick up lunch (plenty of food in the house, I had just taken them to the store 2 days earlier), send an email for me, wrap this present for me. Truly what was so important I had to drive 50 miles r/t and burn 1/4 tank of gas? None of it! My Mom called and needed me over with desperation in her voice. I am not their Cinderella (with no prince at the end)! How do I tell them that along with my brothers and sisters that act like help (rare to none) from them should be counted as gold? I have never been so physically sick from stress in my life, and yes I have my own on top of my King and Queen parent's demands. I feel like trash when they treat me like a servant! And yes some of the stuff they wanted me to do I said no to. Ok I have vented, any advice?

33 Comments

I'm in the same boat with you. All I can say is....DON'T ALLOW THEM TO TAKE YOU OUT WITH THEM!!!!!!!

Some people are just plain evil & that includes seniors. Please say no often now or you will be their slave forever. It's been 15 yrs. now for me & I can't get any cooperation from her doctor either. I'm two steps away from handing her over to state guardianship.
just got back from town and about crap my pant 3.19 a gal of gas ! i dont get out much and it amazes me the price of gas !
susan u said u drive 50 miles to take care of ur needy parents , id put a stop to that .
tell em ure charging a full tank of gas and all the stuff that needed to be done will be twenty bucks an hr . or they could do it themself . nothings free anymore .
gotta speak up ! i was floored to see 3.19 a gal this morning .
its costing u money to do things for ur parents and all the stress crap piled up on ya , it be difrent story if u get paid then u have earned something instead of begin feelin like a maid cinderela , nanana , gotta put a stop to it my friend ....
Susan, why not put aside one or two days a week just for doing the Cinderella thing? No more, no less. Just take that particular day and call it a loss day of anything else except what they want you to do. BUT all the other days, they're on their own. Take your MP3/IPOD player with you, stick the ear buds in and play your music while you do the work. Make them have a list ready for you on that day, and stick to it. Go to your 'happy place' in your head and just get the work done. period. No histrionics, no drama, just do it.
Yes, Susan, you have your own fairy tale going here. I just got through venting about a similar thing on a different thread.
Be here with US!! We are real Kings and Queens of the REALM!
We are the strongest, most capable, and they all know it. They treat you like crap because they want you to remain subservient, and to feel like you need to do this to feel good about yourself. HEY GIRL!! We understand. Keep coming here and "Gross, need to Vent". You'll get a new perspective. HUGS
Susan I came to this site today just to do the same as you vent my frustration. I'm at a sick and tired of it, not going to take it anymore place! I have bent over backwards to be there for my parents. Now that Dad is under mandatory 24/7 care and mom is there because she needs it too, mom is the most un-happiest, negative nelly I've ever allowed myself to be around! She has chosen her place of living but every other day she's complaining about something but says this was the best choice for her. So why then is every freaking conversation filled with criticisim, disgust, pitty and negativity? Lord I pray that I don't become "that" person ever in my life. I am the only and youngest child of 2 that deals with her. I can't walk away, I love my parents but I can't stand living like this either. I feel like she's pushing me away...and on a day like this, I'm ready to run! God bless us all, care givers are special people...I'm not feeling so special right now. This "strong, capable " stuff is for the birds!
So to end this vent, I say put your foot down, don't continue to be so flexible and like naheaton said, do what you do when it's good for you and go to your happy place while doing it. Gotta save yourself!
Susan - - Been where you are - can totally relate!! Looking back, here's what I'd have done differently. As soon as Mom or Dad called to whine, I'd start whining first and complain that I'd thrown out my back. I'd tell them how I couldn't stand to sit for more than 20 minutes with out having to move. I'd insist that there's no way I could sit in the car for a 50 mile drive. I'd ask for a loan to hire a lawn guy or housekeeper for a month or two. Then - behind their backs - I'd look for a lawn guy, a house keeper and someone to run errands. Tell Mom and Dad that you've hired these people to help you and that they should do the same. Help a little but if it's more than 20lbs - that pain in your back flares up again. It sound manipulative and it is but it's for YOUR own good and theirs. If they continue to use you, you'll become resentful and want nothing to do with them. Doing something like I've described is a good way to create some boundaries and retain your relationships with them.
Best of luck.
Thanks all, good advice and some funny too. I guess what gets me the most is the way I am treated when I am there, especially by my Dad. In thinking about it that gets me more than what I actually do for them. My Mom waited on him hand and foot for 60 years and now she can't meet every demand so he wants everyone else to pick up the slack. He has got to get off his throne and quit the madness. I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers and just wish they would talk to them with me, they did once this year. I guess I will have to be the one who bursts their bubbles. What can they do, tell me not to come over and help any more?
Stop them now because as they get older it gets worse. That is the sad fact about it...much more worse much more demanding...and for real later they won't be able to do things for themselves anymore. I have been there and done that 1 1/2 years ago..besides the previous 10 years of running errands every sunday with no relief ever...it had to be me running errands could not even hire someone. So yeah I know what it's like to be Cinderella and no prince either. But I tell you sista it gets worse as they age...so back them off of you for the unnecessary stuff they dream up now because before you know it it will become a worse reality later. Sadly with old folks unlike children that grow up and learn they slow down and unlearn...sigh...that's life...get those brothers and sisters used to helping you now. I have heard too many times here on THIS WEBSITE of only one kid getting stuck with all of it. In my case I was an only child so I became the stuckie...get those bros and sis in line and you all take turns. I remember when I started with all this mess...I was about to loose it so I know where you are coming from indeed!
I've gotten to the point that I wish my parents would hurry up and die. I simply have no time of my own anymore. Even when I try to make it easier by warming food that I cooked earlier, they insist that I cook something. They constantly tell me how to dress, etc. What I really should do is to move away quietly while they're asleep and leave a message that says "I'm moving on in life and want nothing to do with the past--therefore I've decided to cease all contact with you and move away--therefore I will not provide you my new address." I know my conscience would drive me nuts but at least I would have my sanity.
Set aside a day or two a week, the same day(s) every week to go over and do chores for them. Schedule their appointments on those days and do shopping while out for appts. My MIL used to do that and it burned me up, and we are only 5 houses away!! How's that for an awful DIL?? After years I just got sick of her being able to drive 2 hours to take her other children out for the day or weekend, but she calls Tim and I at 10 pm. in a frantic voice, we get there only to learn she called so we would get her mail at the end of her driveway The only thing she suffered from at that time was imperialism (queeny bee syndrome).
SO...this worked for us: when we got the frantic calls, the first thing we said-every time- was "ok, we will call 911, get dressed and be right down" Do that a couple times and they will be more honest and less dramatic about their calls, and when you stop going over, they will make their lists with more thought for the day(s) you are there. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you really do have control of this situation.
Here is the other side: because she learned that I am an honest, matter of fact, practical thinker who will get "it" done, not just talk about it---when she went into ICU and needed POA it was my husband and I, not the "favorite kids" we thought it would be. She said that she couldn't think of anyone she trusted more than us because we never took any $#%* from her...and from her that's a compliment.

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