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Another thing is you can forward back to them your emails that were forwarded to you till the cows come home. Where are your other four siblings????!!!!! Why is it just you helping, and where is all the help from the Great neighbors? My neighbors think I am a demon seed, maybe I am come to think of it, anyhow, they do not understand my mother's disease, she has none to them. I say now to myself that I owe them NO explanation, I have tried to explain and educate them once and that fell on deaf ears, it was more of if you did this or that more or try this, please. Now that I think about these neighbors, they have not once been here to help me, they do not pay any of my bills, give me no support, I owe them NOTHING, they stand outside of church and gossip gossip gossip, now that is brotherly love for you.
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Madge1- SPOT ON!
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Two words, beautifulsc: block, detach. These patterns are so long-standing that they are not going to change them at this age - after all, it worked for them for so long, they got what they wanted, so why would they now? Your situation is identical to mine. Just me, mother, and "golden boy" brother who revels in his position of doing nothing to help either my mother or I. He never calls her, takes her over to his house once a year.....she calls him at least twice a week, telling him all my business, but will not share word one about him (this is called triangulation: the parent is at the top of the triangle and keeps the two children separate, that way she can control what each of them know about the other and enjoys the control this gives her.
Don't worry about what she is telling your other relatives. YOU know the truth about what she is doing. Don't share anything about yourself with her that you wouldn't want repeated, you know she is going to do that. Anything you say can and will be used against you like ammunition to put you in a bad light.
After all, the narcissist uses gossip and untruths to make themselves look better or worse, depending on the flow of their narcissistic supply.
I am very sorry you are in this position that I am all too familiar with. I have been bullied since my parents since I was born. My father died in his early sixties by his own hand which I'm sure he felt was his only escape from my mother. She continues her manipulation now that she is in her late eighties and living with us.
At first I used to "bite the bait" but now I turn a deaf ear and continue on with what I want to do, whether she likes it or not. These people will have you jumping through hoops to get what they want all the time. Just make sure you have an agenda of your own, and stick with it. Too bad if they don't like it!
Sooner or later you have to realize that it won't be over until they are gone and I know the hard work you have to do, because I am doing it too (especially the medical B.S.) but you are your own person and you are not going to get what you have always needed from them, they just aren't capable of giving it, so find other areas of your life where there is some enjoyment, and joy. Make a schedule that includes some time for yourself to do the things that YOU want to do.
If they rail against that and are constantly wanting things done for THEM, tell them you will fit it into your schedule!! Why should THEY come first? They never put YOU first did they?
Good luck and God bless. You are doing the best you can, and remember, it isn't you, it's THEM!!
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so are mine I just try to make the best of a bad situation It'll all be over eventually I just tolerate a lot of yelling and verbal abuse Over the years I've developed a thick skin and a sense of humor about it all As they say in latin, illegitimae non comburundum (meaning don't let the bastards get you down) have a great day! :-) Wayne
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Also, look up the term gaslighting. My mother is a pro at gaslighting. I used to think I had a bad memory until I realized what she was doing. I do believe your parents are good at this tactic also.
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Please read The Narcissistic Family by Stephanie Donaldson. It will open your eyes. I have read it several times and am in the process of reading it again.

Your needs are not being met, i.e., respect, validation and love. I suspect this is exactly as it was in childhood. You have been assigned a role. Now the hard part is not accepting the role and distancing yourself. You seem to be on a good path because you have recognized the problem and you are starting to make changes.

Unless you recognize your family dynamic for what it is, they will continue to hurt and manipulate you. They will never change. But you can. You really don't need their validation, you are an adult afterall.

I have the same situation, only my father passed several years ago. Now it is just my brother and mother. Both are disrespectful and hateful to me. Mom spreads lies and dismisses everything I say or do. My brother is the golden one.

My problem was I needed and wanted their validation. Something I never had. When I realized why I was so hurt and emotional because of their rejection, I realized I had never had any of my emotional need met, ever.

The definition of a narcissistic family is when the parent expect the children to meet their emotional needs. That was my family and my mother still expects us to make her happy. When you recognize yourself in the senarios of this book, it is liberating. Then the hard part starts of making the real changes. Good luck to you. I hope this helps.
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Really easy to block their emails, I would just put a block on them and let them be spam.
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