Narcisstic Mom (91)

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Due to health problems I had a hysterectomy years ago and I dont have biological children but I married a man who has 2 adult children and 6 grands. I have been a part of 4 of my grandkids' lives since their births and we have a strong relationship.
My mom got upset with me one day because I made plans to take my grandkids out and mom wanted me to take her somewhere different. I told her I had already made plans for that day but I would take her another day. What mom wanted to do was not urgent. I take her out of her AL facility very often- more than the other residence's family members take them out so I don't neglect her.
She called me and told me that if I had not chosen to have a hysterectomy then I would have had my own kids and grandkids and I don't need to deal with my husband's grands and I need to take her to where she wanted to go.
That really hurt and I let her know that. She apologized but it still hurts and I'm struggling with getting over it.
She is so narcissitic that she says a lot of hurtful things to me if I don't do what she wants me to do when she wants me to do it.
She has stage 1 dementia but she remembers what she saysbecause she tells other people about it and wants them to call me and tell me she's right.
I hate to think of how difficult she will be when the dementia peaks.
I don't go around her much anymore to just sit and visit because she complains complains complains about everything and everybody who doesnt cater to her.
I'm trying to be agood daughter- I'm the only one close enough to care for her. But it is getting harder and harder.


Additional info. She has always been narcissistic, self centered and manipulative but I didnt have to deal with it because I left home when I was 19. She lived in a different state -2000 miles away. I moved her to my state 2.5 years ago.
Lots of good info on this board about children of narcissists.....add in dementia and you have a broadway show like no other. You are not alone and it does help to come on here and vent. If it gets worse, you just have to create more boundaries
and not take it personally. The fact that she is already IN Asst. Living is a huge accomplishment. Just think if she lived WITH you and you had to convince her to go!!!

Just learn to not take the nasty remarks to heart. That is how a narc. controls you is by squishing the joy out of your soul. Enjoy your grandkids....if it brings love and joy to your life, you need to make them and your hubby your priority!!!

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