My Elderly Mother is Very Selfish
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. -Oscar Wilde-
I came across this quote and it hit home with me today. I realized that my Mom is very selfish. I think most of my fellow caregivers have family that are selfish like this.
My parents had me because they wanted children. They raised me to LEAVE the NEST. They didn't pay for my college, my house or anything once I left the nest. I had my kids because I wanted children. I don't want my children to raise me when I am old.
I am on the last day of respite provided by Hospice, (Thank the good Lord for Hospice!!!!!) Before I bring her home tomorrow, we are having a meeting about Mom. The Dr. told her this is as good as it's going to get and that she can't walk without assistance. Mom was getting up by herself and falling all the time. Once the Dr. left she told me she is going to prove him wrong and get better. They are going to try and get her to understand that she just doesn't have the stability to get up and walk alone. (Good luck).
Anyway..... I decided that although I can't force her into assisted living or a Nursing home, I don't have to be the full time caregiver anymore. I plan to tell her what I am willing to help her with and anything beyond that SHE will have to be the adult and figure it out. I will no longer be at her 24/7 beck and call. I will no longer put my husband and children on the back burner. I have given up over 2 years of my life to be her servant and I am no longer willing or able to do that. If she wants to stay in her home, there are agencies she can call for the assistance she needs.
I have read so many stories similar to mine and I hope this give some the ability to separate love and servitude. We are NO slaves. We are children that love our parents but that doesn't mean we are to sacrifice our own lives to be slaves to the whims of our spoiled relatives. Yes, the spoiling was my own fault. When you hear that your parent has 6 mo or less, of course you want to make it the best possible time. Whoever, it is going on 3 years and she is just fine given her condition. I'm not going to do the 24/7 for the next 10 years. I am not going to feel guilty or get sucked in to her guilt trips anymore. I am done with the anger, the tantrums and the constant need for attention.
I will let you all know how it goes. Keep the faith, friends.