My 94-year-old mother turns into a 13-year-old brat when I have to take her to the bathroom.

Started by

Although my mom is not incontinent, she doesn't have the same toileting skills as she used to and consequently, we've had to move to Depends. She is fighting me tooth and and nail. If I would have given her that smart aleck attitude when I was young, I would have been spanked.

6 Comments

My MIL is incontinent. When we had her in DEPENDS, (she's now at the NH), she would sometimes complain that she didn't like them for one reason or another. She also wondered why she couldn't wear her underwear anymore. I do NOT wish this upon ANYONE. She has Alzheimer's and when she was here she went from mildly incontinent
to Gush Incontinent (2-3 loads per day). Everyone, please wear (deep--but any shade of) purple (will do) on Tuesday, September 21, 2010, to show awareness of World Alzheimer's Day. Thx.
JOLLY: why not ask her to 'test' this new type of undies for you? Tell her that the doctor wants her to 'test' them and she will be paid for doing so. Give her a 'list' that will let her evaluate this product.

1. How well do they fit?
2. How comfortable are they?
3. What about how well they work?
4. You come up with some questions of your own LOL

As you can see if they feel they have some 'input' (pardon the pun) they may not be so annoyed by the product.

Even if you get negative responses, just have her 'review' the NEXT pair, since they are slightly different.

p.s. My mother hated the "tabbed" diaper type undies. She would take a swipe at the assistant when they tried to help her OUT of her 'undies' When I suggested the 'pull up' type, Mom was no where NEAR as combative! hmmmm.... Perhaps the 'Depend' company needs to come up with more STYLISH undies for the elderly?
Thanks, lach61 and MiaMadre. I started Mom in the pull up kind because she isn't incontinent (she goes constantly however - up to 3 times in an hour) but her toileting habits have deteriorated and the Depends catch all that she misses when she wipes. Short of going in myself and making sure she is clean - boy, would that raise the roof! - they are my only option. The doctor and a nurse here on the site both said it was better to get her in them now before she does become incontinent.

As far as the survey idea, my mom was a stay at home mom all of her life (a great one) and basically never did anything she didn't want to do. Her response, if I were to ask, would be to decline. She would say someone else can do it. That idea would have worked with my dad (he died of Alzheimer's when he was 71) because he was a biology teacher and anything experimental would have fit right in.

At this point, I've become the "underwear police" and I've told her she is not allowed out of her room unless she has them on. She's quite mad at me but if I learned anything from her as I grew up, it is that you must provide a disciplinary action that is suitable and that you are willing to uphold and then stick to it. I guess we will see who is more stubborn? :)
Jolly: I can relate to your comment on being the 'underwear police' Mom would hang her undies on the back of the chair!! Nothing like airing dirty laundry huh? LOL

Seriously though... I kept trying to come up with 'new ideas' to help keep Mom clean and happy, so that was one of many I tried.

And since you mentioned that she was going more frequently, please have her tested for a UTI. (urinary tract infection). I know this may seem excessive, but I would document when Mom went to the bathroom,and if her habits were off, we would do a urine test to see if she developed a UTI.

ALSO: I did a quick search and saw that Hartmann USA has a product called Lady Dignity Washable Panties with Built-In Protective Pouch! Worth a look! (I used Allegro medical com for my products for Mom)
Depends let talk about depends where do i start. Grandma started using them about 4years ago. she's now 89. she had a small stroke and was layed up for about 3 to 4 months during that time we started using the depends. i have a sister was down on her luck came to live with us during that time who did CNA work. what a blessing. she helped bring grandma back around walking, eating, going to the bathroom on her own, etc. we never stop using the depends. I'm in cali, i by them from Costco @41.99 per box of 72 4bags @ 18each. a box would last about a month and half, now things have taken a turn. now she sits in the chair and will say i have to to the the bathroom but won't move until she has used the bathroon on herself. she now uses a bag of 18 in three days. at night she won't get up to use the bathroom (potty chair in her room) but will get up to change her depend. she has been in the hospital for a UTI. 1. she wipes too the front when she number 2 and 2. she stuff all this paper in her underwares at night thinking its going to keep her dry. So just today before i left for work i put the depends in my room locked and left her three depends for the day. i'll see what happens when i get home this evening. i ask her why she don't go to the bathroom she told me thats what the depends are for. she can do that if she want's it her money and she buys them. i can't stand the oder. i dont know which is worse cleaning two bathroom everyday tow to three times a day or the depends in the trash cans.

Feeling pissed on and pissed off
Wow, BGB! I'm so sorry you're dealing with that and I really don't know how you do it and keep working! I can identify with some of it (wiping, paper stuffing, cleaning the bathroom) and unfortunately, I think the other will come along in the not too distant future. Even though I hate that you are dealing with it, I appreciate knowing what is to come. Hang in there!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support