Mom is coming home from hospital. She REFUSED post-operation Rehab!

Started by

Hi Everyone, It's' me again :-) My mom had major surgery on 10-19-10, where they did a vein bypass in her left leg due to PAD. She's been on IV Morphine and Percocet for pain for the past 6+ days, has needed the help of nurses for Everything post-op. ALL of her drs. strongely recommended she go to a Rehab for additional healing where she could get her IV antibiotics 4 x day and also a lot of PT that she REALLY needs. I've s/w the Social Worker, her doctors's, PT and OT, etc... She absolutely refused to go to a Rehab and today she's coming home from the hospital! I cannot take care of her. She has a PIC line in and nurses will have to come in daily to hang the IV meds. She'll have a walker, but will need a lot of help. I'm hoping she hasn't gotten addicted to the IV Morphine for pain. I have NO help. I'm an only child and lost everything when I had to go on Disabilty for my own declining health in 2005. I'm exhausted and very run down now.I've done everything I can to get help to come into their home to help them with everything and anything possible. My mom and s-dad blatently refuse to allow anyone Professional to come into their home. I've done everything I could to get help. I've followed any and all suggestions from others who are in my situation. I'm afraid of what may lye ahead. I live in their home, so I have no pull to 'make' them do anything or accept any help that they don't want. I've been keeping up with the cleaning, laundry, getting them groceries, etc... and hurt my back worse again yesterday while vacuuming. This entire situation is making me physically and emotionally ill. I'm lost. It helps a LOT to know I can come here where you all understand how very hard it is to be the caretaker and how un-rewarding it can be.
Bless you all and Love to you all! I thank God for all of you and hope you can find somehow to get a break from your own caretaking situation.
(((( HUGS ))))


Is she a danger to her self? Consider she may HAVE to be kept for her own safety. She is really making crazy, unfair demands of you. I hope you can get some help here!
tell the doctor and nurses that they are about to make an unsafe discharge which means they will be held liable when and if your mother's health falls apart at home because you are not healthy enough to make this discharge safe. I guess as a last ditch effort, you could say, if you will not go to rehab, then I will not be there when you get home, you and my sd have already disowned me, so I'm disowning you for the sake of my own survival and then to go a battered women's shelter or something.
sometimes a hospital can discharge a patient to a transitional care unit that is a go-between a hospital and a nursing home. You are being put in a ridiculous situation and your mom is almost signing out against medical advice by refusing the rehab offered which is probably covered by her insurance. I would talk again with social services and let them know you are unable to meet the needs of your mother and that you are choosing to remove yourself from the situation by leaving for a 2 week interval forcing her to cooperate. Your step-dad is also being unrealistic in thinking he can take care of her at home even with your help. Alot of times doctors will play the bad guy and tell them they must go to a nursing home for 2-3 weeks until it can be deemed safe for the individual to go home. Again lay this all out with a hospital social worker so they can best help .
Thank you all for your replies! My mom is already at home now. I'm feeling physically ill myself. My nerves feel shot! All of the talking to her doctors, nurses, social worker, etc... did no good at all. They all kept telling me that as long as my mom doesn't want the rehab and/or help that there's nothing they can do. I have no place else to go, esp. since I have a puppy who's the light of my life.

Thank you all again!!!
Lots of Love,

The next time your head gets full of ideas that are not healthy, I would suggest dial 911 and let the ER take you in and give you a voluntary break. It may or may not serve as a wake up call to others, but you need some escape from that place.
I think I would call the social worker at the hospital and tell her you are leaving the situation and the hospital will have to readmit her for 3 days and put her in rehab and that you are calling the state's department of health and telling them what is going on and go someplace even if it is to a shealter for the homeless you can not take care of her-she should not have been allowed to make the decision to go home-you are not her slave-you have to stand up for yourself-you are being treated like a doormat that social worker is not doing her job-you might want to call the Pres. of the hospital and tell him or her you called the department of health or do as Crowe has said and call 911 to go to the ER. When my husband was alive I had to get firm with social workers-I ordered one out of his hospital room because of her childless behaivor and she hightailed it out of there.
Hi Everyone,
Thank you all once again for being here for me. You've all been my lifesavers!!! Today I Iearned that nurses won't be coming into the home to take care of my mom's IV antibiotics. The hospital she was at sent a visiting nurse from their company to show my s-dad and me how to take care of the PIC line and IV meds. My mom isn't following drs. orders at all. She continues to smoke at least a pack+ of cigarettes a day and is not keeping her legs elevated. She's wheezing terribly and her operative leg is swollen. The nurse who did come in today read her the riot act. I took my puppy and myself and went outside for a walk. I couldn't take anymore of my mom and s-dad's lying about how "my mom is doing all that she's s/p to be doing per dr. orders, etc..." It's rediculous! As I was walking, I found one of the neighborhood cats that stays around our yard, just laying against the side of the house, obviously not well. I just broke down. It was the last straw for me. This cat is my favorite cat and it broke my heart to know that he/she is sick. When I came back inside, in tears, I asked my s-dad to go to the cats owner's house up the street and tell them about their cat, and to come and take him/her home. My s-dad ignored me, which I'm used to, but then got up and took a vulgar birthday card that someone had sent to him and went to a different neighbor to show them the discusting card. While the visiting nurse was here, he was sexually inappropriate to her also. He got out all of his sexually vulgar items and one by one brought them out to show the visiting nurse. She was not impressed. I wanted to crawl under the table!!! He's been that way since I've known him, which is for the past 44 years! He's been rude, sexually inappropriate, etc... It's abusive. My mom says nothing about his behavior. Even when it was directed at me when I was younger, she never protected me. Yet here I am being the good samaritin/caretaker... I am in therapy and have been for years, trying to get well from the grossly dysfunctional childhood/teenhood, on up... My own physical pain is out of control and I have no health insurance and no money to get away for even a couple of days. I also have my dog to think about, who I love more than anything in this world! I'd never leave him alone for more than a couple of hours with my mom and/or s-dad. They can't take care of him. I'm starting to discust myself for sounding so negative. I'm not a negative person... I never used to be anyway. I'm just so overwhelmed at this point and in so much pain myself.

Thank you all for listening and for all of your love, concern and encouragement! I'd be lost w/out you all!

God Bless,
Kathy K.
Frankly, I'm not surprised that your therapist has not suggested getting out of that sick environment because you can't get well them for you are living with the germs. I'm surprised that you are not on social security disability with Medicare A & B or possibly qualify for Medicaid yourself. It almost sounds like you are willing to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your dog by sacrificing yourself from these folks who lack a healthy identity and healthy self-esteem. I love how Ed put it once that in the Bronx he decided to not take his identity and self-esteem from those around him who had none. Somehow, someway, I feel like you either will get out of there or somehow else you will leave. Please save yourself.
1. Find help with SS disability if you do not have it already or get employment somehow.

2. Find some low cost a room or find a roommate & move out of that poison environment.

3. Find a temporary home for your puppy if you must during the transition.

4. Take your life back.
You are not a good samaritin/caretaker, you are a doormat that is being stepped on over and over again. Take Crow's advice and go to a shelter or ER and get yourself help. I have made the decision to not be abused by my toxic parents and I know how guilt can sneak in and make you feel like you are a bad person, but you cannot be good for anyone else until you are good to yourself. Stop sounding like a broken record and start a new song for YOURSELF!!!! Get out of there now.....

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support