My grandmother needs better care. HELP!

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Grandma in a home but not being cared for well enough. they care more about making things easy on themselves that making things easier for grandma - prying her legs open while she is screaming, washing her privates and then her body with one wash cloth, complaining about her being difficult - she has dementia and is bi polar - they are not equipped to care for her in a loving way, they do not make us feel comfortable visiting. i dont think they even take her outside. They have no patience and the people taking care of her have no real nursing experience. i have babies and am very limited on time to spend looking for other options. My other family members are oddly resolved to leave her there. HELP


The treatment of your grandmother is deplorable....bless you for trying to figure out a better option for her.
Are there other facilities in the area? Can she be moved to a facility that is specifcally for Alz patients? If you do not have the time, there are elder case managers who will do the foot work for you...but, of course, they charge a fairly steep fee.
If all else fails, and your family will not pitch in (here's hoping they get "first hand" experience with this type of NH), try hiring a paid caregiver who can act as a "family member" and drop in unannounced at various times of the day. She can both monitor and help with her care. Your family should at least be able to chip in for a caregiver. This is no way to spend the last few years of your elderhood.
good luck
Look for Residential Care. Most of the time they are included in Assisted Living. There are agencies, free of charge to you and your family who knows and can help you find those places. Even in this site you can look up and find it. Pretty much all the state have these house. Are regular houses, licensed and inspected by the state, specialized in Dementia and Mental health and the care is above and beyond. The ratio is 1 caregiver per 3 Residents in my state, Wa and they have 24/7 care. Some of them accept Medicaid. The environment is homelike, homemade cooked food. I promise you, your grandma will have the best care ever. I am a owner/provider in one of these houses and I know what I am talking about. In Alz facilities and/or NH's is 1 caregiver per 15-20 Residents so, the care is not there and like you see the in-home caregivers are not good either.
Let me know if I can help you.
This is wrong, it is illeagal(state would fine them big time for using the same washcloth on her butt as her face) not to mention discusting,I am a cna,worked in a not enough help kind of situation and this kind of care is unexcusable. As far as prying the legs open, depending on her mental status sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do ,I would be more concerned if they were not trying to clean her at all. Although if you take time and patience, sometimes you can get them to cooperate. As long as they were not injuring her in the process, although if they don't take the time to change a wash rag they prob are not taking time work with her either. I would talk to some of the people in charge and give them your concerns about her care. Patient advocate for the nursing home wouldn't appreciate it, niether would the head of nursing or administration. They are accually supposed to use a different rag for the front than they do the back, so it should take them at least 2 wash rags just to clean the bottom.
Do consider a home health care agency?
Various forms of long-term residential care are available for elderly people. A person or couple who are able to take care of their daily needs may choose to live in a retirement apartment complex ("independent living") where they function autonomously. They may choose to fix their own meals or have meals provided, or some combination of both. Many residential facilities are designed for elderly people who do not need 24-hour nursing care but are unable to live independently. Such facilities may be described as assisted living facilities, board and care homes, or rest homes. They typically provide a furnished or unfurnished room, together with all meals and housekeeping and laundry service. Depending on the needs of the resident they also provide assistance with daily activities such as personal hygiene, dressing, eating, and walking. They are not considered to be medical facilities, but they do have to meet state standards for care and safety.

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