I can't get my 93yr old mother to wash, she hasn't had bath or shower for 4yrs.

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She's unwell and housebound now, incontinent due to prolapse of the bowel, and smells very bad as she refuses personal care from her carers. She lives alone in sheltered accommodation. We go everyday but she is very clingy now and wants us there all the time. She's stopped eating in the last 3 weeks apart from ice cream or yogurt. She's disorientated, going dizzy but still refuses help in getting dressed from carers. She's very depressed, lost all sense of time & has no interest in anything. Her quality of life is zero. Its so upsetting to see her like this, she gets very panicky & agitated & says something is wrong with her head. She hasn't been diagnosed with dementia as she wont talk to her G P. I feel she's dying but fighting it & its so distressing to see..


Are you her POA? Call her GP pronto! It's time to quit asking her permission.
I know it is, I have phoned the sugery & she is coming to see her tomorrow though I don't have much faith as old people just seem to be a burdon to them.
Is hospice available where you are? If so, I urge you to ask the doctor whether she would recommend it at this time. That can a great comfort to both the patient and the caregiver.
If I didn't know better, I would think that you are talking about my Mother. If you are unfamiliar with the story, I will make it short. She lived alone at 94. Same thing. Not eating well, not bathing, often agitated. The new bath lady called an ambulance, the first day on the job. (Good for her.) The hospital found broken bones, congestive heart failure, HBP, and pneumonia. Thank goodness, they kept her for 2 weeks. Then, they moved her to rehab. She is being made to bathe, do her hair, walk and eat in the dining room. She went to the doctor by transport (a friend went with her) and she is on an anti-depressant. It has been 6 weeks now, and she is gaining weight and is more like her old self. Good luck. I never would have believed that my Mother would co-operate (somewhat) and get better.
I think you live in the US though , it is very hard to get help or support here unless you can afford private health care, the health service is in tatters and if you are old no one wants to help. Her GP will visit later, we will have to see what comes of that. It's a nightmare to even try getting her into residential care as its all about money, that comes before anything here nowadays & when you dont have huge sums of it you are thrown on the scrapheap, I am tired of trying to talk to these officials as you dont get anywhere.
I live in the US, if you can MS the US, and it is exactly like you say here. You have to have money to get good care here. The society here is not meant for the poor or even the regular person who has worked hard all their lives and just don't have enough to last for 91 years. Mom has too much for Medicaid and not enough for any private pay places. At least is sounds as if you have your Mon in some sort of facilty. Mine is here at my house since she can't afford assisted living, and I don't want her in a creepy Medicaid NH. I don't know what country you're in, but believe me, you don't want to be old in Mississippi unless you have money or a good lawyer. Sad. We are not from here, and will leave the second my husband retires and/or Mom is gone. It could probably be too much trouble to move her to another state at this point. Good luck.
I live in UK and it's a nightmare here as well. Unless you have loads of money they don't do a thing. You are doing great looking after your mum, well done. Its hard enough here and she dosn't live with me so you really have my admiration. It's hard with my mum as her body is fairly ok, considering her age, it's her mind that's going & soo hard to make her understand she needs a wash. Very stubborn always and even more so now. I wish you the all the best anyway and hope you get some support.

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