My 96 year old mother moans and groans ALL THE TIME!

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My 95 year old dad died of alzheimers 9 months ago. My mother who is 96 and at the time of his death was strong and healthy except for being legally blind. I thought after my dad passed away we would travel and get out of the house and be able to enjoy life again. She went into a major depression and it was obvious after 64 years of marriage, she was lost without her husband. She was hospitalized in November with an ulcerated esophogus. She was so weak they suggested putting her in a rest home. I told them that was not an option and had an ambulance bring her home. She is back to being a strong and healthy woman. She is back to eating and walking around with her walker. However, now she moans all the time. The only time she doesn't moan is when someone is talking to her. She used to listen to music or books on tape and her moaning would be quieter, but now she moans all the time and especially at night...all night! I have been sleeping with her since my dad died because she doesn't like to be alone. I miss sleeping upstairs with my husband and I miss sleeping! I tried the baby monitor but it keeps everyone awake instead of just me. I am tired, but I want to do what is best for my mom. I love taking care of her and feel this is exactly what I need to be doing right now in my life. I am a 51 year old mother of 5 with 3 children still at home. Any advice would be welcomed!

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This has been most helpful.
I am 1 of 3 children who love our 85yr old Mom dearly.
I am the oldest & have beeen building a new house for 10 mos. to retire early, downsize & to take my mom in. She recently had a scare and I rushed from VA to Fla to help. She currently lives alone after our dad passed 4 years ago tomorrow😞
My sister is near by and checks on her everyday before work & after- plus do activities together on weekends-- we have cameras set up in her home and she has to text ( group feed) each day when she rises and goes to bed at the very least- I am the care giving type and text her all through out day too! We also have an app that tells us when she leaves home and arrives-
Anyway, This scare was pretty serious. She felt sick and didn’t show up for a “ fun date”. That person went to check on her and she hadn’t been eating- forgot to eat and drink for several days while the younger daughter was away (5 days)(unbeknownst to me ) so , I left Immediately to fla- turned out to be a serious UTI - a culture showed a strain that was all antibiotic resistant except one as well.
So she is getting better by very slow- this was close call- A CT(only because we didn’t know what the tummy pain was at first) showed many other organ enlargements-
So, now she is moaning all the time and it’s very loud-
Not at night ( as I was in the next room and moved into her bed because it was so disturbing I thought it would be better comfort if I was closer-so glad I did- from the above mention—
Thanks for all the wonderful advice- I’m sure she misses dad, is lonely for same age company and feels that being alone is just too much- she was an extremely busy/ out going lady- and while dad was alive- & sickly she took care of him- after he passed her care of another was promptly removed -
We moved her out of the family home to a MUCH smaller place and it has no office/ craft room and that is her passion- we have her going to classes- the place she didn’t show up too!!
So this recent moan is probably all of the above mentioned-

She is probably I n some slight physical pain- ( even though she claims she isn’t)
Has some fear of the unknown future- missing dad-
For sure inner pain-
loss of hope-
Some stressor recent move and now again from an area she spent 39 years & of what might be wrong with her tummy-
Any of her recent expierence could also be so shocking all of the sudden as those experiences /loss of her 55 yr marriage with her first and only love of her life-( and dad was even more outgoing then she is)
Also, loss of love/ companionship is huge-
I’m going to be taking her in to our new place and a new state for us all - start fresh in a new place with family- me , my husband and my moms brother- who lost his spouse 2 months after she did) there I hope she finds comfort in a group of ages who are very fond of her-
Thank you all- especially shining eyes!
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Oh but I'm really glad for this thread and to know this isn't a personal singular quirk of hers. That its not unusual ..if annoy as h*ll
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My mom whose 96 moans..and moans frequently . There are days the only time she doesn't is when she's asleep. At times it does drive me right up a wall. She denies it and i'm pretty sure its not from pain . She doesn't even know she's doing it. I think some of it is the Self-Comforting.(like her yep yeps ..which i started addressing by saying ..no-no . So she was aware of it and now she just tells me to shut up and we both laugh). She does get depressed frequently ( although for her age she's very healthy and on less drugs them any of us in the family ) . At night at times she asks to let her die . Which i just say "no way to" to. Ive thought about anti-depressants but honestly her low bp sometimes and cardiac issues worry me about the effects of them. When things are bad and she's not sleeping at night i put her tv on or the house fan on so i don't hear every little moan and make myself too crazy . She has an alarm button that goes off on the receiver in my room. I personally don't like lavender ..but i think ill try it with her.
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Your brilliant, god bless you
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I just want to let you know yiur brilliant. GOD BLESS YOU
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My client is 97 and recently started to moan when he was uncomfortable like holding on peeing and having a full bladder. I get him up and to the bathroom and afterwards he doesnt moan.
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My mom has recently moved back in with my husband and I as she is now 85. My mom used to live with us 21 years ago when she was 64. I can remember she did some moaning at night time then and now it is more so. Her mind is wondering. I sometimes think the moaning is a way of inner soothing. Kind of the way we hum to a child as we rock them. I do agree that she loves to have her back rubbed and I did just recently buy her a new lavender scented lotion that she really enjoys having rubbed on her. My heart goes out to those who are trying to give back to their loved ones what they devoted to us. The circle of life...
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Several of my friends who i have team with on a case experience the same things u are talking about when it’s your luv one it hits close to your heart, u have to take a step back and regroup if u don’t u are of no good to the one u are caring for, i to experience this with my grandmother my mom a retired RN, my aunt retired Rn, 2 of 11 children who cared for their mother and dad in home, my grandmother did the same thing making noises as long as we knew she was in no pain, not hungry, not sick etc: the noises we learn to tune out, remember if u are sensitive to the point u jump with every little thing u will tear yourself down and age a lot faster cause mommy and daddy will be peacefully content with no worries cause of their frame of mind, care givers biggest problem is family members the patient u know what 2 expect from them, the families have ran care givers off, it’s easy 2 dictate when u are not the one playing in the game .
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I care for patients in their homes as a live in , for many years i have done so, upon reading the comments they are good, the patient i’m Caring for now makes noises very loud and rocks back and forth, i feel that with memory issues is their was of expressing what they think, when i ask her are u ok ?, are u hurting she will say no i just like making sounds i have been with her over 4 yrs as a live in i work from Monday 7pm until Friday 7pm, the weekend lady experience the same things with her, moaning doesn’t mean anything bad, painful etc: u have to remember that their bodies and minds are not of the same rhyme anymore, sadly some of us who knows, experience, understand this more now will forget this if we live to be their age hopefully if so we still have all our mental factors, remember as i was told by a patient who i cared for until 104 years old it’s hell getting old and if u can not hang with the big dogs get off the front porch...!!!! :)
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My dad is 95 and had heart failure 2015 and has been on hospice ever since. My step mom is 91 and she had a stroke in 2014. I went down to live with them to take care of them. Praying, Lord how do I tell my dad, y'all are coming to live with me and Bill. After eleven and half months my dad came to me and said we needed to get rid of this house. Prayers answered. They been living with me and my husband since Jan.2016 and now my mom has turned to where she is mean and tried to hit me and the girl I hired to give her a bath etc.. but that comes and goes, but she is not on Hospice. They both are doing ok. But I also had the question why does my dad moan all night. He says he is not in any pain. I will say he is not eating, when he sits down to eat, he makes these noises that sounds like he is in pain, but he says he don't hurt, it feels like he's full up to his neck. He looks at the food says it looks so good, but I just cant eat, I'm so full. But he moans the whole time were eating. I'm with the first person who said putting mom in a home is not a option, I agree, I will not put my dad in a place like that, they almost killed my step mom while she was there after her stroke. She was there for rehab. Thank for everybodys input on this. This makes me feel some better, as long as dad is not in pain, which he says he's not, then we will just keep trucking along until the good lord needs him.
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