I've found myself easing my stress as a caregiver with 2 or 3 beers a day.


I don't get drunk but it takes the edge off. I take excellent care of my husband but i know this is wrong. Is there anyone else out there that can relate and help me. Being a Christian i feel like my faith should be my strength and so i feel so guilty.

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I'm in the same boat. I'm the caregiver for a special needs brother and elderly mother who is totally driving me insane. I'm depending more on the whiskey than I should to relieve the stress, and I'm not particularly interested in a lecture by the addiction police. I'm not an alcoholic, but I am going through hell as the point/primary caregiver for two people at the same time.

dkjellander, sounds like you are blessed with a loving and supportive husband. There are many who would gladly trade you theirs for yours! :-)

loopholerdh, you have established a working relationship. It is not perfect, but it works. In her very insightful book "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" therapist Pauline Boss writes of the "Good Enough Relationship." With dementia in the mix, a perfect relationship is just not possible (even if what existed before the dementia was perfect). So we learn to work toward a "good enough" relationship. I don't think she deals with alcohol use in the book, but I think you would find in helpful in many ways.

Maxine, I can relate - for some reason, about 6 months ago, I started drinking 1 glass of wine each evening inbetween dinner and bedtime. at first it was more just the ritual of doing something by myself - my only break from my mom is when i go to work and she goes to daycare. otherwise we are pretty much joined at the hip. so i started doing this as a way to have this little time to myself. each evening i pour the glass around 8 or so and then take periodic walks out to the kitchen to stand and sip it - all by myself. it's a simple little thing that i really look forward to. i'm a Christian too and i know that God has helped me immensely to deal with the stress and frustrations and whole huge range of emotions that go along with caretaking - and I'm sure He has helped you too. I wouldn't feel too bad about the beer. Just be aware of it and don't let it get out of hand. This site is so great isn't it!

Dear Beers, call me Mimosa, I too am in the same fix with a husband with
dimentia plus has been drinking "hard Liquor" on top of it. So difficult to know
what the H to do. I have cried for weeks about this, plus other serious family
issues (not related to dad). I got tired of myself. I know the risks of over doing
it and I have made it my mission to stay within some boundaries and to never
drink too much that I would suffer a hangover or other disabilities. I enjoy the release that a few
beers, and/or mimosas allow me throughout the day. We usually go to bed
early and end our evening with a nice dinner and a glass of milk. Further, I
did go to my Doctor to explain my recent behavior (is it ok to have a few mimosas )and the circumstances of my husband's latest intake of hard liquor
and his bizarre behavior when he does that. Anyone is welcome to say whatever
they think will work but the truth is, he can get booze anytime he wants, not from
me but from friends, getting it himself etc. There are no remedies. My husband
and I have had serious talks when he is more lucid in the AM and no hard stuff
involved. My doctor advised this: walk away from the situation (which after 32
years of a wonderful marriage is not an option) or just accept what is happening,
knowing that I cannot control the situation, and "let it go". If that means an earlier
demise or other consequences I cannot do anything about it. He also adjusted
my medications (I had breast cancer 21 Years ago, blah blah, couldn't take
hormones and began a treatment of antidepressants which have served me well
over the years. We have had a wonderful week, no hard drinks, just beer, in
moderation (which for my husband is still about 10 a day) and I don't know if
this will last but I am prepared to accept what I can't control. We have cleaned
the house, done some gardening, worked around the house and started sp,e"spring cleaning"
as well. Cooking together is also another activity we can still do together, again,
only with limitations on consumption. In addition, the best advise I would give is
just "shut up" everytime your partner makes a mistake, misplaces things, does
things that you consider so stupid and you want to point it out, etc, etc. My best
defense is to say nothing, or say "no big deal, I can replace such and such" and
realize that all those little things that go on aren't really important at all, it just
is different from how we have always lived. I have made a huge effort to keep
my critizsm and opinions to myself and be as loving, hugs, kisses, terms of
endearment and we have once again established a working relationship. Certainly
not perfect, not like it was, but a companionship that we both cherish. I am just
hoping he doesn't "fall of the wagon" and then we go back to square no where.
I am taking it a day at a time, as they say. Hope this helps and is not too
contraversial for some of your support team. Love, Mimosa


Men can be caregivers! My husband sits with my mom so I can have time away and get a break. He will even take her potty. He also does laundry, dishes and vacuums. He is extremely helpful so I do believe men can do it, but he also did help with his own mom.

beer is good , dont feel quilty . i like margaritta . , anything is good , just to help u take the edge off is good too .
its all good .....

That is true, purplesushi. I didn't address the fact that she feels guilty. Personally, I feel guilt is a useless, destructive emotion. So to the OP, heck no, you shouldn't feel guilty.

Everyone's tolerance to alcohol is different - 2-3 for my husband is NOTHING, whereas I'd be under the table. The point to this discussion is that the asker feels guilty about it. Ask 100 people a question and you'll get 100 different answers..in the end, it doesn't matter what others think - it's how YOU feel about it that counts.

I dunno, I am not religious and I do drink, but 2-3 beers every night sounds like a lot to me. I am drunk after 3 beers. Can you cut down to one and just have 2-3 once in a while? You don't want to wreck your liver.

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