My Mom assumed making me her DPOA would automatically obligate me as her future caregiver!

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I only agreed to being DPOA for both health and finances after thoroughly reading the lawyers draft copies first. Nothing is mentioned about assuming responsibilities as her personal caregiver. This is an intelligent 82 yr woman, who has no dementia thinking that this legal document was also a contract for me to take her into my home when she can no longer live independently. She also read the document. How she came to the conclusion it was also a caregiver contact is so frustrating. I agree that adult children who are caregivers to their parents should have the DPOA, but it is not a requirement as a DPOA. Thank goodness my sister is the contingent to me. She will do good by our mother if I decide the assumtions and responsibilities are not for me.


She is manipulating you, very common and an early sign of dementia. She may have some anxiety over her health and her future. I would suggest you start going with her to the doctor visits, make sure all her bills are paid (they forget and mix things up). Check her car for dings on the corners, a sign her driving skills need to be tested. Be aware of small clues and you will be ahead of the game.
She assumed that, did she? Whoops! - her mistake.
Well, being DPOA doesn't obligate you or anyone else to be personal caregiver. You know that - after all you have read the contract. Probably manipulation/wishful thinking. Best explain the facts to mom, so you both know what to expect.
You or sis are not obligated. Start the uncomfortable conversation now and ask mom what her plan is if neither you nor your sister can care for her. Suggest she start learning more about her options for senior living, AL, memory care, etc.

Regardless of HER plans, you and sister should have your own plan and explore what options you can agree on that will be good for mom. Consider moms finances and what care actually costs so you are prepared. I've had tremendous learning curve this year but feel I'm better educated and prepared as best I can be. My brother and I will not be primary caregivers.
I suggest taking her back to the Attorney so HE can explain to her what exactly your responsibilities are.
You know the truth. Even if your mother refuses to believe you or what she reads in the documents, you are still not obligated to become her primary caregiver, let alone move her into your home. Tell her that clearly right now. If she still refuses to believe it, that is not your problem, and you can make other arrangements for her when the time comes. If it is possible to follow A&A's suggestion about another visit to the lawyer, that sounds like a good idea to me.
Sounds to me that she is scared & is trying to tell you something else entirely. As in "I know there is something wrong with me - I can't be specific, but some things just don't feel right".
If that were the case my poa sister would be caring for our mother, not my other sister, whose husband is now in the hospital after totaling his car because his heart stopped, or myself who took over when he got sick earlier this season.
sorry, I just now read your profile and see what you wrote re boundaries are necessary & your reason why. So I take back my previous response, given this new (to me) bit of information. My apologies for jumping the gun. Hugs to you.
Practice saying "I couldn't possibly do that!" and mean it.

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