Dreading the upcoming Mother's Day.

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Not because I am a mother. but because I have a mother who wants me to take her out to dinner like last year which she thoroughly enjoyed, I hated it. She put me in the middle of a screaming match with my sister over something trivial. She drank her meal, ate very little and getting drunk. She asked to visit her mother at the cemetery and almost passed out. Comes to find out she had taken an Ativan earlier which with the amount of alcohol consumption caused her to almost pass out. I gave up being with my children that day to try and make a nice day for her and NOW she wants a repeat performance this year. I wish this day would just skip by.

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Well, how's it go Debralee? At least it is over, no? My daughter gave me flowers and then said "Is it over now?!?" haha
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Harpnjack, my family is dysfunctional. I am fortunate that I learned to not expect anything different from them years ago. If we can stop wanting people to do things they are NEVER going to do, well that is the first step to being free of them. People only have as much power over you as you allow them.

When we can accept our flawed parents and don't expect anything different - well it's the first step toward parenting and satisfying ourselves.

And acceptance doesn't mean putting up with bad behaviors. Acceptance means that if you are incapable of ignoring such behaviors than give yourself permission to protect yourself by staying away from people who hurt you.!

And feel good about it- believe me, some parents take a great deal of satisfaction from hurting their children. Encourage your partner to take that power away from his mom.

A person who is capable of realizing that the parent is not meeting their needs and is hurting them is equally capable of parenting themself and protecting themself from harm. They only have as much powers over us as we give them.
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My partner's brother called him yesterday morning to inform him that their mother was waking up in the hospital on Mother's Day. We are horrible because we try to keep her from hurting herself in any manner. We wondered how long it would take for her to end up in the hospital. We ate breakfast & showered & went to the hospital. I sat in the lobby because I knew I was not welcome. I COULD have relaxed in the beautiful day and read a book, but I went into the store & picked out some flowers for his mother and then drove my partner to the hospital. We got home just before 4 PM. Let's see. I did not get to see my daughters. (I usually drive my partner because he is in the care of a pain management doctor. This stress has increased his pain!) From what I heard, all his mother did was complain. She is never happy. It is sad.
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Happy Mother 's Day to all dear mothers. After a weekend of our daughter's wedding celebration, we will return home and visit Mother tonight. I urged my siblings to come soon, as it seems this will be her last one. She is now helpless and I must try to remember the positive things about her. I know I had the Mother intended for me to cause my growth in this life. Who knows what has happened to women who are not nurturing or loving to their children. Something scary and devastating, I suppose. It is so puzzling to me, and I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I have been blessed with great kids who honor me every day. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be their Mother, and also to be a mother figure for a few of their friends who also had less that supportive mothers. Love to all, xo
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@MichkaM, after 20 years of dysfunction from my husband (a whole other topic), then he seeing the true colors of my mother that I lived with for a lifetime and then realizing how dysfunctional his mother was after she died.... things are healing quite drastically.

Alcohol (although not recommended in high doses), does hep calm the nerves. Both would grate on mine. As an only child, small family, and no emotional escape, I found a counselor who I swear is an angel in disguise and an occasional drink helped me cope until the passing of my mother. Now I rarely if ever have a drink and my counselor has turned into a working partnership/counselor to help on some projects I'm into.

Take the lessons you learn (even when overwhelming) and let life teach you. Sometimes we cannot escape our circumstances, but we can sure find ways to cope!!
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Btw-mitzipinki- I like your suggestion! Sounds like you and your husband have a good system! :0)
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Sometimes it is nice to get suggestions.

Sometimes it is nice to get a gentle nudge in a different direction.

Sometimes it is nice to read about a similar situation. ( ummmm, yeah)

AND------


Sometimes it is nice to hear/read: "I understand. It is hard. You are justified in feeling frustrated" and then stop.

Debralee-It sounds hard, I understand and I think you are justified in your feelings of frustration.
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I hated holidays, however, my husband and I made a pact that we make things as short as possible so we could enjoy the holiday. Then if my mother had a bad day, I'd go home, enjoy a drink and chill. My mother was narcissistic (now deceased). I have to tell you there is no easy way to avoid dealing with the holidays when you have someone that drains your energy, but I will say this....

Just because they are family does not mean you are committed to them even if they gave birth to you. It is NOT easy to say no, however, it can be done.

I am thankful that I no longer need to worry about that, but those with great mothers... enjoy the day and thank God for your blessings of a functional relationship. Those who have dysfunctional mothers, do you best and minimize your time. Have a drink at the end and just say, "Hooray I survived another holiday!" ;)

Blessings to you all!
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That is easy to rectify. Plan a weekend getaway with just you and Mom or else plan a day in another town with you, your kids and mom so it is a real mother's day for you and her. Tell her in advance to make no plans as you have a big surprise for her. Pick her up early and go off for a day trip including a special meal out. Don't give her details she could pass on to your sister. Go somewhere where there is NO alcohol served at all. You should be able to to have a good day this way.
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Ever, I hate all holidays too. I don't like Thanksgiving the very worst. Evil sister and her family won't invite me over. She lives about a mile away and when I drive by her house I see tons of cars there, like half the town, but she won't invite me. So I have to scramble to find someone to have the holidays with. Then later sister says I am uncooperative. So the best day of the year is December 26. Hit the sales.
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