The dreaded Holiday season is almost here.......just another responsibility for caregivers

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I used to love the Holidays. Now Im reduced to wondering if my mother or any of her other daughters are going to take ANY initiative to figure out where Mom spends the holiday or am I going to be the one making the decision AGAIN. Christmas, me and my Hubby go home to see OUR kids. NO mom can NOT go with us. She cannot afford the trip and to pay for hotel rooms and and to be in a car for a week ( LOTS of miles on this trip ) and Im am just NOT lugging her around with us the whole time. That's one of the lines I have drawn in the sand. Hopefully next year she will be there. in her own place again so she can become part of the visit , but until then she needs to go with another sibling. Only 1 sister has offered ( as usual ) and If my mother and her other daughters don't make plans shes going to that sisters in Tennessee whether she wants to or not. I know my mother dosent really want to go back to visit this sister, thats where she went last Christmas and it didn't end well....but that's too bad , that's whats going to happen If I am the 1 left to make her plans. It infuriates me the my mother cant or just wont take the initiative to do SOMETHING for herself ( at least HELP make a plan for HER life). And her other daughters don't care as long as they don't have to do anything themselves. So I already Know what I have to look forward to. Just 1 more thing to worry about....


Wouldn't it be fun to put everybody's name in a cup, just like drawing names for Christmas presents...and the lucky winner got to come get the elder and take them into their own home for the holiday. I used to fantasize about this! Hold your ground and good luck!
Wow, Mincemeat, that drawing is a good idea! Golflady, I know the problem. I wrote a post to this forum last year entitled something like "Siblings dropped the ball on Christmas Day" because nobody had invited my mother for Christmas dinner or even thought about a plan for her. I was living 90 miles away at the time and had planned to go home after the Christmas Eve get-together but then stayed behind at Mom's house to throw together a Christmas dinner for just the two of us so she wouldn't be alone with no dinner. It seems it's always the way, one sibling takes the initiative and the others don't give it a second thought. My two older sisters both live within 3-4 blocks of my mother - one of those was going to her daughter's family's home for Christmas Day; the other was staying home and cooking for herself and her husband but didn't think to invite my Mom (or me, for that matter, but I wouldn't have wanted to go anyway). It's a bummer to be the only one who bothers to focus on something as obvious as where Mom is going to spend the holidays. It bites big time.
Oh Mincemeat I LOVE that Idea !!! lol I know that wont happen but now I can fantasize !!
CarlaCB it does bite. I see you can defiantly relate to the story. Its just sad how many of the same stories we hear on here time after time. And then these siblings wonder why WE have turned so darn cold.
Mincemeat in MY fantasy Since I am the ONLY
one taking care of mom I will be in charge of that cup and the drawing of the name......LOL
I have cooked all the holiday meals for years and have tried to get others to come on TG or Xmas. No, they want to come the day or weekend after and then I get to cook TWO meals. One a sad little affair of our own....I like to invite other people who have no place to go, but after a couple times of sitting down with mr. narcissist, they do not come again. :(
So a couple of years I had yet another fantasy. I booked a casa in Santa Fe, planned to have a FUN time with just my hub and kids. Nope, had to cancel last minute cuz sibling just could not come and take care of father.
Golflady, forge ahead!
Funny I was thinking the same thing today about the holidays.. Football season starts and next thing you know it's Thanksgiving then Christmas..

I am dreading every minute of it.. (The holidays not football)!
For those of you who don't want to cook or clean for Thanksgiving in the USA, Cracker Barrel offers a full dinner at a reasonable price. I wish I could get my family to meet a Cracker Barrel.

I usually decide what we do on the holidays. I will ask others and get the, "Whatever you want to do" type answer. Of course, if we were doing what I wanted to do, we would do anything but having dinner at our houses. We would be at the Cracker Barrel on T'giving and eating cold cuts, cake, and candy on Christmas.
I used to love the holiday also then as the years passed by while the same thing happened with me (siblings wouldn't step in and my mother wouldn't initiate anything... She didn't want to "interfere in their lives"!)... Anyway, I've found now that I just don't have the passion I once had for any holiday and have now 'accepted' that things that I thought 'mattered' don't matter any more. It's a 'weird' sensation being put into this type of caregiving role (when you are left to fend for yourself... and, your loved one)... You have to push and push... At least you have 1 alternative (your sister who had your mom last year for Christmas). Sometimes, there are no 'right' (or wrong) answers. You just have to make the best possible choice and go for it. The main thing is that your mother is safe and cared for.
Holidays........BAH HUMBUG! I'm going to go out with my Jewish friends and eat Chinese food for Xmas!

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