I don't seem to care too much about things anymore and prefer to just stay away from people.

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My better half has numerous health problems, recently he's had a heart attack & then 2 weeks after getting home he's back in hospital with pnumonia. He's very challenging to figure out what is going on. One day he seems sprite & cheerful, next day like he's coming down sick & sleeping all the time. I have noticed more & more over the last year I just want to stay home & be away from people. If I have to go to town I hurry I don't like being away from home for long, if I am I get upset & nervous. Things I used to care about are of no meaning to me now. No energy no interest, even wondering why I am writting this.


Texas Jazzy Apple, You sure aren't feeling very jazzy these days, are you? You have a lot of responsibility, and you must be worried even on the good days. Honestly, you sound depressed. Who wouldn't be? Have you ever tried antidepressants? If you find the right one, you will feel stronger and more hopeful.

Are you getting any help? Is there anyone who can keep an eye on your husband so you can relax when you go out? Are you satisfied with the medical care he is getting? Maybe a geriatrician might be able to help you both feel better about his health.

Are you more worried about him and his health, or more overloaded with his care? Tell us more specifics, and you can be with nice people without having to leave home.

God bless you.
Yes I do get help from my brother, he will stay with him whenever I ask, and he does chores we need done & I am no longer able to do as I have rhumatoid arthritis. I am very satisfied with his medical care. He & I have spoken many times about his level of activity to no avail & I am tired of pushing the issue. He's content to simply spend many hours a day sleeping, and each day he is losing muscle mass, weight & is seriously looking haggard & drawn, he's only 64 but looks 85. I lost one husband a few years ago & I am not ready to lose another.
I am not sure which I am, more worried about his health or overloaded. I simply feel like not much matters anymore, just keep trudging thru each day getting done what has to be done.
Thank you for responding.
I don't feel depressed, I don't know what is happening with me. I just don't see a whole lot of point in a lot of things.
Texas, you're not alone. Something about caregiving takes all the jazz out of our lives. I don't know if it's so much depression as it is feeling apart from everyone else. I used to love to go out. Now it just doesn't seem to matter much. Sometimes I think we caregivers need to find a life outside caregiving. That would be harder to do when the person you're caring for is your husband.
I know you are right, but somehow I don't want to put forth the effort to socialize. Everything seems like such an effort anymore.
I think sometimes we have to take some time away to replenish ourselves, depending on our personality. In the last two years, I made a conscious effort to get out and meet more women, because I was so isolated (I work from home and am single). So for a year and a half, I went and did with a group of women that I didn't have much in common with. In the last six months, it just felt like I didn't want to do that anymore. So I let those friendships drop.

Right now I'm perfectly happy taking care of my mom, working on my business and staying in touch with my long-term friends (none of whom live nearby). I feel like I'm rebuilding my energy level again. I don't feel depressed either, I just don't want to spend a lot of time doing stuff I didn't really want to do in the first place for the sake of appearances and society. Caregiving CAN take a lot of the jazz out of our lives like JessieBelle says. When I'm done caring for my mom, I just come home (like today) and collapse. It wears me out. But I feel like sometime in the spring the pendulum will swing the other way and I'll want to get out among the living again. So maybe you're just in a "fallow" time, like when crops need to rest before you plant them again.
That is one of the definitions of depression - not enjoying things and not caring about things. It doesn't just mean crying. Depressed people, especially men, sometimes show it by getting angry or crabby.

Some of that "not seeing the point" comes from getting older and wiser and not giving a hang about who Miley Cyrus is or what the latest styles are. But if you don't smile when the weather is especially beautiful, or get pleasure from a tasty treat, and that is a change, that can be depression.

Sorry to lecture. It's just that my medication helps me so much.

Only 64. That is young. Maybe he needs an antidepressant! Does the doctor know how little he does? Is he still recovering from the pneumonia? As we get older, we do take longer to bounce back.

I sure know what you mean about trying to get him to take action for his own health. My husband, 68, complains about his sore back, but won't do his physical therapy exercises "until I feel like it."

Try a little fantasy. If he were suddenly pretty healthy again, and you had maybe an extra $1,000 or $10,000, and four weeks of vacation, how would you want to celebrate? Don't think about why you couldn't. Just day-dream a bit.

Would you want to go away by yourself, or go together to a favorite place? Would you want great food, or a hot tub, or a beach?

You were so right to post here. I hope you can find what I have - a new group of friends who understand what your life is like. And you don't even need to put on make-up - or even a bra! LOL.
I certainly can relate. I have always preferred to be alone and do things independently, and at times nothing interests me. I guess I am depressed and do take an antidepressant which keeps everything smooth. I immerse myself in crafts and until recently have flipped houses and really had fun doing the renovations. I curb shop and enjoy fixing up my finds. I used to describe my decorative style as "Early Salvation Army" my clothing almost all comes from thrift stores. I used to sew and knit everything but when I can buy a hardly used good quality sweater for $2 I can't afford the yarn for that. I have been married to my mentally ill husband for 50 years and he also won't do things that are good for him. Unfortunately many wives live with similar problems so you are not alone
You are all so great, until I found this site I thought the feelins I was having were truly unique & no one could understand or relate. But just maybe, maybe I am NOT alone in this journey.
I get plenty of exercise as we heat with wood so some days I cut wood with the chainsaw other days don't have to but every day I carry in the wood & restock the pile in the greenhouse outside our back door & of course every morning I go to the ranch about a mile away & feed our 2 Miniature horses & we have 4 small Pappillion inside dogs so always plenty to keep up after.Sometimes I think if we did'nt have all the animals it would be easier but then I imagine what my life would be like without them & I seriously think they are what keeps me sane. I have my little routine, every morn I bring in more firewood as we heat with wood then I feed the parakeets & 2 hens we keep in the greenhouse during the winter. Then I am off to feed the mares then back home to clean house & try to get him to eat some breakfast which is usually a futile matter, then there always seems to be an abundance of other chores. And 2 x a week I go to my mothers asst living & take her shopping & such. And of course to my mother in law for assorted needs. I used to have an interest in hobbies but they no longer hold an interest. As a matter of fact I have an immense supply of scrapping book supplies I am trying to divest myself of since I have no more interest in crafts. Seems I am only interested in getting day to day chores done, outside of that nadda! Most the time I feel quite alone as he will sleep 22 hrs a day if I let him. Everyone has a hobby they say & I suppose his is sleeping. Yes I have mentioned this to his doctors but not sure they take it to heart or think maybe I am just blowing it out of proportion. Such is how life goes eh?
Texas, how much does anger at your husband/partner for him not seemingly wanting to help himself, play a part in you being depressed I wonder? It seems to me an outsider, that he's just rolled over and given up the fight. How depressing would that be to have to see day in and day out for you? Maybe it's time to sit him down and tell him how you feel about him waving the white flag apparently, and you NOT being ready to do that just now. Maybe he needs to spend some time in a facility surrounded with people that won't let him do that, but make him do stuff that he won't let you do for him? Maybe he's waving the white flag because he too is depressed that he'll never feel better so why bother. Maybe you two have more in common about this than you think. Instead of avoiding people like you do, he sleeps. Same thing. Get some outside help...serious help. ♥

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