All I can say is if you decide to see a therapist and he's wearing an ill-fitting toupee, that should be your first clue.

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Not to pick on this guy I saw three times, but jeez, how good can his judgement be if he's wearing something so obvious? At least spend some bucks and get something that looks good. But when he started talking about what a "gift it is" for be to help my Mom in her final months or years, that kind of told me he doesn't understand it. Is it a gift to watch a parent turn into a ghost? A gift to be startled awake at 4 in the morning because your mother just crashed into the door. A gift when she places soup bowls directly on the stove burner? I would have respected him more had he said this was an area outside of his "expertise."

14 Comments

Obviously the guy is hiding something, Steve. He is not comfortable with his real self. He is perpetrating a false precept. I think YOU should be counseling Him. Give him the website to your book, ask him to read it, then see if his grasp of caregiver stress improves. What a phony jerk. You Rock, Dunwoody! WhooHoo!
.A "gift" that they are crashing into the door at 4am? No. A gift that it is you gently reassuring them, guiding them back to bed and not a stranger who doesn't even speak english scolding them...yeah. Look through the threads where one sibling has "kidnapped" and isolated the parent. Being cut off from providing emotional support while a loved one is desperately in need of it is a particular kind of hell...(especially when the cut-off just happens to occur hours after you contact the authorities about possible financial abuse and fraud -- you get to wonder if it wouldn't have been better just to let the $ go, & deal with any fraud after their death)
Huh? I am not following this for some reason. Guess you had to be there:(((
The shrink is probably just trying to hang on to how he looked WHEN he had hair, because he did at some point in his life. His wife, if he has one, just doesn't have the heart to tell him he looks silly. As far as the 'gift' thing is concerned, that will come after the parent is dead and you can look back and know that you did the best you could with the circumstances you had. That will be the 'gift' that keeps on giving.
Oh my, I swear some therapists are just plain nuts!!! I have had my share - one hated me - really,- one hit on me and one would not stop staring at my husband-a man. He wasn't hitting on him he just, well, kept staring at him. It freaked us both out. I finally found one I liked and then my co pay went up to 60 bucks a session!!! Now I just try to cram in as much info and get as much help from my 15 minute psychiatry appointments as possible. I literally am talking to the doctor as she is pushing me out the door.
Good luck, Dunwoody!!! Keep trying to find a good one-don't stick it out with toupee man!
Nancy, what a poor excuse for a psycho-therapist. The guy cannot come to terms with being bald. I thought bald men had tremendous amounts of testosterone?
If so, his wife should be able to be forthright with him and the guy should have super confidence. Where is JeanneGibbs on this, please ?
Hey, Mishka! Back in the 80s when I first realized I had "Issues with my Mother"-- haha-- I went to a therapist. I so suffered with Crohn 's disease. Such a nice combo:) On my first and last visit he declared in the first 5 minutes, looking at me sideways, " Oh, I know what's wrong with you..." Another jerk. Arrogant, small man. But he did have hair.
The Toupee story is funny. Since you do not find him helpful, that is as good a symbol of the problem as any.

Some truly perceptive and helpful therapists may be totally without fashion sense, sing off-key, and slurp their soup. Some may wear dreadful toupees. You don't need the guy to be perfect. You just need his professional skills to be a good fit for your needs. I'd say that wasn't the case with this guy and your needs.

By the way, Steve, when he told you that taking care of your mother was a gift, did you tell him you came in to get help locating the gift exchange department?
Hi Christina, 5 minutes, huh and he knew what was "wrong with you". Nice. Sometimes it takes a few different tries. I hope you finally found a good one!

Jeannegibbs- I agree with you EXCEPT- no slurping soup!!! ;0)

( side bar- my husband read somewhere that people who are stressed out are more sensitive to sounds like snoring, food noise.... I wonder if that is why so many caregivers have such a hard time eating with their elders who are noisy? )
When I had to do the fasting thing for the stupid colonoscopy, I couldn't stand hearing my husband eat!! Only time when we watched TV while eating, did I NOT mute the commercials. ha

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