I don't have it as bad as I thought I did.

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Okay, so I vented here today and received some good advice and confirmation that I am doing the right thing. I did not realize how easy my caregiving duties are. Altho my mom is 87 near blind and deaf and she struggles with severe arthritis .she dresses herself (except for her pants), she can feed herself, use the bathroom by herself, be mobile using a walker, she has a good deposition and I I think her mind is normal for her age. Shame on me for thinking I have it rough. It seems my only problem is needing to get away alone once in awhile which will be taken care of soon.
I'm reading posts here of moms being mean and hurtful, have bad dementia, and many other problems that I dont have to deal with (yet?).
I realize now my mom is a sweety, always a thank you for bringing her a drink or whatever, generally in a good mood and has a good mind.
Thank you Aging care.com for helping me realize how easy i have it compared to others. Also thank you to those that helped with my other post. I have a much better attitude and appreciation of moms relatively good health!

16 Comments

here4mom, it sounds like you do as much as most of us do. Give yourself a pat on the back for being a good caregiver. It may be tougher as your mother gets older, so it is a good time to take some time for yourself.
Hi mike, read ur other post-how's respite going? Mom could be a saint, but staying home 24/7/365 or with someone ea n every minute would be AWFUL! Stick to ur plan! I too struggle at times, n realize someone always has it worse than me! Welcome to AC!, kimbee
Mike; I too come here to find out that I don't have things so bad. that being said, yes, stick to your original plan and get some time for yourself. You'll be a better caregiver for it! It's like when my kids were little, someone very smart said to me, you have to take care of yourself, or you won't be able to happily care for your kids.
Since I found this forum to share feelings, practical approaches, hear other stories, etc. - as I have told my husband - it has saved me thousands in counseling! Ha! Seriously, it certainly does help reinforce one's resolve, cause us to think and share regarding someone ELSE's situation (which is always better than dwelling on your own sometimes) and let me know I am not the only one, alone out there. Nice of you to share 'it's not so bad' and say how much you do appreciate your mother. I am sure when we all had poopy diapers and threw carrots at the walls they were frustrated too! XX00 All!
I love your thoughts and sensible reasoning. I too became more thankful when I read some of the posts on this site. I am still enjoying my Mom even though her care and the management of, her affairs requie a big chunk of my life, I have to remind myself that no matter how difficult it is for me, it has to be twice that for her. I think my biggest challenge is juggling my life with others I love and remembering to take care of myself. Those are things I can learn to balance better with time. I worry constantly about my Mom so although she is in nursing care I am compelled to be there, visit with her, and make her a comfortable as I can. It is the emotional energy that can get us all down. The task of caing for another adult is all consuming. You sound like you are struggling with the resentments that are natural and normal. I will keep you in my thoughts. I too have those same feelings and I am thankful too that my Mom is kind and doing the best she can. Before I had this responsibility I had no idea what caregivers went through. Often I yearn to have my old life back....but I also remind myself that that will be a loss too so try to get a handle on my resentments and just be thankful it is not worse. Hugging you!
I've shared many things that I go through on a daily basis with my 97 yr old father who can be very difficult. It reminded my of my dear grandmother. She passed in her late 80's. We, the family, always said she was like an angel. So sweet and thankful for every little thing. I never saw her angry and she never complained or asked for anything. She was a delight to be around The grandchildren would come home from college and call her to go every where with them. So it's telling me that old age isn't a time when all people get nasty, selfish, insulting, demanding and all the rest.
I must admit, I do not have it as bad as some of the other caregivers who have responded to this site. I have been able to vent to people who don't turn and run as far away as they can, never to be heard from again. I believe it has saved my sanity too. You are so right. What I go through is nothing compared to what my mom and dad are going through. I feel so helpless but know it is the course of life. I hope all of you find comfort at this site and know you can say anything to free yourself from whatever burden you are feeling. There are so many great suggestions and referrals. Hugs to all.
Thanks, Mike, for sharing. It can be so easy to forget the good things, the little things that I can and should be grateful for while taking care of my mom. I have friends who would give their eye teeth just to have their mom back. I am thankful for all the things that mom can do and that's what I need to focus on, not all the things she can't do anymore. That road leads me to a negative attitude. It's all about being grateful: she is still with me, there are many things she can still do, and I am able to take care of her as I still have my health. Thanks again...needed a fresh perspective!
AMEN ,MY WIFE IS ALSO LUCID & ABLE TO DO most things by herself,'m sad for the slight dementia ,fortunate fore what is still good ^^ God loves us ??
I agree I don't have it hard and actualy learned ways to make our 59th yr of marriage better. One is don't reply when it would cause an argument, he won't remember in 5 min anyway and won't frustrate either of us. We are facing dementia and agree I must start to think of doing things w/o my husband. If we only knew when the worst will come but must trust in Gods promise he will always be with us.

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