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Im extremely upset, depressed and tired. I took care of two elders at the same time. They didnt cause me half the grief that my mother has. She is mean ugly and negative all the time. I do everything for her. She wont do one thing for me even if its to help her. She wont go to the dr. Appts I make over and over. She sits with the door open all day in Houston Texas. It 95 freaking degrees here. I tell her " Why dont you put some pants on?" her reply " I dont like pants" I guess its easier to make me suffer. She back handed comments me all the time. Like calling me stupid. Took her out to eat. She straight up says to me that I dont know how to cook. The family loves my food. My husband and I seperated 3 weeks ago. I was dealing with a jealous maniac and her. She gave 800.00 away the other day. Im just done I cant take anymore. She left my brother and I in a mobile home with no lights, no gas, no running water when I was 13. I slept with a boy because he worked at a pizza place and he would bring a pizza for me and my brother everynight. So I dont know why I am killing myself with it. I told her when I was nine that my dad was molesting me she took me to my grandmas house (drunk). The first time he told her he didnt do it. She looked at me and said if your lying Ill kill you and took me back there to live for another 4 years. No she didnt watch to make sure it didnt happen again she never even asked me if it did. I felt like Im doing what God would want me to do but Im just ready to abandon her like she did me. What I would like to know is How do I take control from her of finances? She always wanted a house from a very young age thats all she complained about she wanted a house. Well when my stepdad passed I got her a house with her credit in her name. Well I put what money my husband made and income tax and stuff like that into her acct. And paid the bills out of that. Well now she wants her card back and keep in mind she gave 800.00 away not long ago. I have to juggle sometimes to pay all the bills. Now she says I can pay my own bills and take care of myself. So my son was gonna sit with her and I got invited to go to new braunsfels to ride the river I have always wanted to go got invited to go 2yrs ago but i had a jelous husband that said no. So I was so excited I gave my son cash to get her her 4 pks of cigs a day yep thats right cant get her to slow down. I was gonna take the card just incase of an emergency. Trip was paid for by a friend for me. Soon as she heard I was gonna do something for me she started wanting her card. I heard nothing else. So I had nothing in case something happned like i got seperated from my group. So I didnt go. The friend who paid got mad now we are no longer friends. Then the next day she very smartass asked me well what happened with your trip. I am pissed and have barely said two words to her in two days. If it was something she wanted I would have done anything to see to it it happened for her. But Im here to be her slave for nothing and listen to her negativity and calling me stupid. I feel like just walking away.

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It seems that you are quite overwhelmed with the situation. Has your mom been diagnosed with any kind of mental disorder? Is she taking medication for depression? Does she have a urinary tract infection? I might explore her unusual behavior by discussing it with her doctor, if possible and having her examined.

When a senior is making odd comments, giving away large sums of money, making unusual demands, and has lost the ability to function the way they used to do, then it could signal that there is something wrong and not just her being difficult. I'd rule out other causes, before I attributed it to her being mean and nasty. There could be an underlying medical reason for it.

You relate a lot of pain that started when you were growing up and it involves your mom. That kind of dynamic can make it very difficult to be a caretaker for a parent. It sounds like you still are suffering from that. I might consult with a counselor about it. Since, caretaking of your mom may really stretch your patience, talking to someone and getting some coping skills, might make you feel better.

Walking away from her might be an option. Do you have anyone else who can help with your mom's care? It sounds like she may be needing more time and attention and if she progresses, it could be quite time consuming. I might explore options that are available, depending on her needs.

You describe handling some financial matters for your mom. Are you her Durable Power of Attorney? I would make sure to keep good records regarding the handling of her assets. Eventually, they may need to be reviewed if she applies for certain services like Medicaid.
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