Do my brothers and sisters even care about mom?????!!!!!!

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My mother has health issues as a result of having 2 strokes. She moved in with me unexpectedly 4 years ago. I am single & recently unemployed (as of June 2012). I have 3 siblings, all with 2-income households. I live in a one bedroom apartment & sleep on an air mattress in the living room so that my mother can sleep in the bedroom. All of my nieces & nephews are 18 years old or older.

My mother has 4 children & they all live within a 20 minute drive, but never visit or invite her to visit. All she gets are phone calls 2 or 3 times a month, telling her about their vacation or their new car. I feel horrible going out without her because if I don't take her anywhere, she'd stay in that small apartment all day. Now without a job, I can't afford to keep up our regular movie & dinner out night.

Whatever social life I had is over because I'm too embarrassed & depressed about my living arrangement & financial situation. The difficulty in finding a job doesn't help either.

I find myself so angry at my brother & sisters that I think that maybe I'm just being extremely selfish......or that since I don't have children that I SHOULD be the one that takes on caring for her. I haven't seen or spoken to my brother & one of my sisters since January. The other sister keeps telling me how grateful she is that I'm caring for our mother & that I need to go out. She still never offers to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy or take my mother to a doctor's appointment or the grocery store. If something were to happen to her, none of them would know unless I told them.

I end up feeling incredibly guilty for their lack of interest in her well-being.

Before, when I saw an elderly person shopping alone in the grocery store, I'd say to myself, "Where are his/her children?" Now I see that that would be my mother if I were never born, because my siblings just don't seem to care.

Am I the only one that has this going on????

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You can also get paid to take care of your parent through certain insurances. I get paid to take care of my MIL. It is only for 16 hours a week, but it does help. She has AHCCCS long-term care and United Health Duel Complete. Depending on finances, they really do help if your parent is able to get on them. It helps the caregiver too because a lot of us have to quit our regular jobs to stay at home to care for our parent.
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Yogi~If you have your brother's phone number you should be able to do a search on the internet to get his address, There will be a fee for it.
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You are not alone. From all that I have read most family members just do not know what to do with our aging parents. I am wondering if the absent family members are avoiding having to look at what is in thier future for themselves.!!! Anyway, this form is one of the best, in helping us along with the journey we have all taken. We are taking care of our aging parents, whether we like our parents or not. We are doing the job. If there is a senior resource you can contact for help, alot of what is offered can be paid for thru Medicare. But you will need to contact these people to get more information. I am fortunate in that at this part of my parents life I can get out for a 1/2 hour walk or something that gives me what I call "my mini-vacation". That will change with time I know. But I will face that when that happens. If you are connnected/involved with your church, there is always help there, Please reach out to them. They will love to be of help. If your Mom will accept the new face. Good luck, and hugs to you.
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I have to say God bless you to all of you! I know how it feels to feel abandoned by your family, not only for my MIL that I take care of at home, but for myself too. My MIL has Alzheimer's too, and she is to the point where she literally needs me to help her with everything. Her memory now is horrible. She is in the moderate to late stage of the disease. To know that nothing I do will help get her healthy again is a lot to bear. The fact that she lives in the same house as her two kids and they ignore her for the most part and pretend she doesn't exist is extremely hard to deal with. The sad thing is that they do have their good points, but pretty much none of those points stem around her. I am contemplating medication because I can't deal with the burden of it on my own. If it weren't for knowing that God will never abandon me, I think I would have done something crazy by now. My husband is one of her kids though, and he has his own medical issues with his back so he can't do much to help anyway. Her daughter is oblivious half the time when it comes to her mom. I am thankful for others at this site who understand. It does help.
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Wuvsicecream---- I, like you, have to be my own cheering squad. I think to myself how much my sibs are gonna have the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" syndrome when our mother is no longer with us. I don't really need them to pour out long speeches about how grateful they are that I've stepped up and sacrificed my personal needs to care for OUR mother. Something like showing up and saying, "Hey, I'm just gonna hang out with Mommie for a while. Why don't you take a nap or go see a movie?" Something simple like that would tell me that they get it. But instead I get nothing......WE get nothing. My mother's last visit with my sister was when she took her to lunch for Mom's birthday on Sept. 14th. Not on the 15th (her actual birthday) because she & her husband were going to look for new furniture. And that's the actual reason she gave me!!!!!!! The other two just gave my mother a call. All I can think to myself is "Are you kidding me??!! Are you KIDDING me???!!!!!"

So, yes, we do it because we have that much love and respect for our mothers. Some days it does takes its toll on our minds & bodies, but I think that it speaks volumes about our hearts & souls! YAAAAYYY CAREGIVERS!!!!!!!
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There is way too much I could write about this subject, but I am sure the details differ but the result is the same. Bottom line is I truly care for Mom and for some reason, because I took the on the true reality of the situation and created the perfect care plan, while my sister refused to help and she adds obstacles instead of helping. Somehow I have become the bad guy, I just don't get it!!! I have come to realize that It does not matte,r because no matter how my sister treats me or Mom, she has to live with herself. As it turns out, everything she does, or shall I say doesn't do is only proving my actions are pure and hers are otherwise. I am the one with the pure heart and I am not going to let anyone that has ill intentions or a false unreal focus, ruin what I am doing out of the goodness of my heart. Don't let them win!!! You know what's important stay focused on that.... and everything you need will be there for you, to accomplish what is right!!!!.
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Thank you, Gabby. I am no threat or not wanting to harm my mom. My bro raped me when I was a child for 4 years. We have never really gotten along well. I think part of this stems from that because he is afraid I will tell his girlfriend about what happened. I also think that this is his way of paying me back with guilt for all the years he has felt some guilt for raping me. Thank you for the website. Only problem I have is that I don't know where my bro lives. He won't give it to me and I need that for him to get served papers or have any type of welfare check done on her. ALL agencies I've checked with have told me the same thing. I need my mom's address. Otherwise, if he doesn't, he doesn't have to and that it sounds like a family squabble to them.
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I doesn't make sense, Yogibear. If I were you, I'd look into how legal that is. They just can't keep you from seeing your mother if you pose no threat to her health & well-being, can they??? Fight for your rights...and your mother's!
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I just don't understand my family. I want to help with my mom's care but I can't do it 100% by myself with no help. So, that isn't good enough for my sibs so I'm left out of everything. No talking, no seeing her. How does that make any sense??????
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((((((((((((Gabby))))))))) I'm glad you have a positive attitude about taking care of your mom. It will get tougher as time goes on with her illness. Do as much research as possible to inform yourself of the progression. I can't tell you enough how great this site is with the resources available and the wisdom and experience of so many others.
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