Mom lives w/me and refuses to exercise, eat on our schedule, and now refuses cancer treatment.

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I do not want to deal with her. She is 82, dresses like a teenager, even refuses a coat on cold days. She is a nightmare on bath day. Refuses a bather or dedicated caregiver. On bathday which is about every 7 to 10 days at best, she becomes verbally abusive. She refuses to go to a podiatrist yet let her driver trim her toenails then complained because he cut her toe. And now she is refusing radiation for her rare cancer which will push into her brain and push out her eyeballs. My doctors tell me to avoid her as much as possible. She refuses to eat on any normal schedule and I have to eat on a schedule due my own health issues. I called her oncology social worker today and the state is coming out to evaluate her. I am done. she is incontinent--uses 150 depends and maternity pads monthly, has to use a grabber to get the depends on, has refused any exercise so now she can barely walk at a snail's pace, uses a walker or wheelchair depending, and refuses to see a dentist so she has to have soft food. Bath day is a nightmare and she curses me and says there is no law to make her take a bath. I am not sorry..if you pee in diapers it is not too much to ask to bathe weekly. She locks herself in the shower. How crazy is that? None of her verbal abuse has endeared me to her. She stopped taking klonopin when she moved in. her neurologist has suggested an anti-depressant but no no no she refuses one. I am done and my hope is social services will put her in a facility where she goes to bed before 3 am, eats on a schedule, has assistance with bathing, is around others to talk with, and maybe gets treatment for her cancer. I love her but she too much. I had to cancel hbo because she was watching pornography all night. Blows your mind doesn't it?


I am sorry you are going through this situation. It is hard to deal with a parent we want to help but they have issues that ends up destroying our relationship with them.

The only thing I can suggest is that the next time she needs medical help, take her the ER, tell them you can no longer take of her and refuse to bring her back to your home. They will have no choice but to place her in a NH or Rehab and she will become a ward of the state.Medicare or Medicaid will have to pay for her care.

It sounds like you have done all you can and there is no point in having to try to continue to get through to someone who does not want to cooperate or work within your needs as a person too. Hugs to you!!
This is so sad to see from both ends. It is a disease of the brain that causes the Mom to behave this way. It is not bad behavior, it is sickness-induced.
Meant to say, I am so sorry for al
leighsy, oh my gosh, no wonder she dresses like a teenager, because she is acting like one who dislikes anything their parents ask them to do, and will be defiant.

How long has your Mom been living with you. Was moving in with you her idea or your idea? If it wasn't her idea, maybe on an off chance she rather be in a facility where she is around others who are her age, thus part of the reason she is acting out that way.

By the way, has your Mom been checked for a UTI [urinary tract infection]? Believe it or not, a UTI can cause bad behavior in elders.
She will probably be happier in a care center. You certainly will be.
Oh, what a picture has been painted in my mind. Dressing like a teenager and moving like a snail with eyes popping out. I know you are mortified, particularly because she won't bathe. I have the feeling that she does need to be in the hands of a professional team. Maybe she will listen to them. Maybe you can talk to her doctor to arrange the 10-week course that includes PT, OT, baths, home nurse, and social worker (SW) visit. If you talk alone with the SW, you may be able to work out a place for your mother that would serve her needs. The trick will be to figure out a way to get her there. From what you describe, she can't be left alone and won't let anyone care for her.

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