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Moved in with my dad as a temp thing while he went through cancer treatment. I have been here since last November. I am also raising my grandson. I gave up my job, my home, my fiance and I'm ticked off. I do not want to be here. This was supposed to be a temp thing and I'm done. But they told me if I leave I can be charged with elder abuse. I did not agree to do this full time permanent. I want my life back. The environment is not healthy for my grandson. What can I do?

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Does Dad need to go to hospital for any reason now? Get him there and tell the social worker what is going on and that you cannot take care of him any longer. I don't know how APS but you should try anything to him out of the home. Your first priority is that little boy; he deserves a chance for a normal, loving home.

Do you have legal and permanent custody of Mattie? I do not know the requirements of a woman's shelter but that would be a good place to start. His parents could be located by their social security numbers. if they are working. and made to may child support.

It all sounds tough but you deserve a life and the first step is to get out from where you are now and start over....one step at a time. God bless and good luck!
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Were I in your situation, I would:

-Call Adult Protective Services and tell them of his abusive nature, and that you are unable to care for him any longer, because it leaves you unable to keep a job, which you need to care for your grandson.

-Seek shelter from this situtation in whatever way you must to protect your grandson. He has no defense against this situation - you are the only thing between him and all the trauma that can be (and already has been) inflicted.

-Don't feel guilty over this. You need to do whatever is necessary for your own protection and that of your grandchild. You could be found culpable for the damage done to your grandson's emotional well-being and his health if you don't take action immediately. And that is *exactly* what you need to stress to the Adult Protective Services office when you call them - that you fear for your own safety and, more importantly, that of your young grandson - and that you need help getting Dad placed in a nursing home or other facility where they can provide the care he needs - because you obviously can't do it.
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Sounds like you may need some validation to leave..... If someone else posted this, how would you reply? You are so close to the situation that it must feel very overwhelming.... not only your grandson, but you, too, need to find a place to go....... addicts do what addicts do.... you 'keeping an eye' on him is only endangering you and your grandangel......find a way.... and get out.... prayers for safety and door to be opened for you.....
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Don't call Child Protective Services as the child is likely to be removed from both of you. How about welfare to support the child? Leave dad, take the kid and move on. Back to the place/job you came from when you came to help?
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Could you not go to your mums? that poor kid. You need to get this sorted asap smoking around a small child can cause ear infections "glue ear" in children. Sounds like you get on ok with mum could she put you up?
Also i dont know US law but there is no way you can be held responsible for your dad if you choose to leave who told you this?
Keep in touch and we hope you sort this out soon its not fair on your grandson he should be in a happy enviroment. Where are his parents? who goes off and leaves a little boy? very sad but hes lucky to have you.
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looloo is so right! Take that baby and get out of there! Go to your Mom's until you get back on your feet.
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I'd put the priority on your grandson. He's in a dangerous environment and should be out of there asap. Go to http://www.childhelp.org and call them to see what can be done. Your dad's a lost cause, and your concern should be the welfare of your grandson.
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Mattie is 4 years old. He has seen a lot of trauma in his young life. Dad will not quit smoking around him. He just doesn't care that Mattie coulld end up with cancer from second hand smoke. Dad made a comment once about the fact that Mattie is lazy. Really? Where does he think he gets it from? Dad rarely moves from the couch. I however do it all. Cooking, cleaning, mowing the yard, laundry, doc appts. Dad was my brothers caregiver after my brother had a severe accident. Eric was like a 6 year old. Dad let my brother snort hydrocodones and that led to an overdose. My brother Mick was living with my father when he dissapeared. My mother whom is divorced from my father is worried that something will eventually happen to Mattie and myself. I have hidden the gun that's in the house.
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Thanks for the info and the pic. You are a YOUNG, Pretty Gramma! You need your own life! It sounds to me like it might be best for all 3 of you, if he went into a nursing home. You can NOT be charged with Elder abuse if you left. How old is Mattie? Your DAD could be charged for endangering a child with his meds laying about.

There are a lot of smart cookies here than can give you info about how to get him into a home. Unfortunately not me, my situation is very different. I adore my Mother (but hate the disease) and am very well taken care of by my brothers, who along with me and Mom have decided to keep Mom home as long as we can.
Hang in there. Soon the caring smart people here will give you great advice.
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Yes you need to leave why isnt he helping you out if you are looking after him? i would tell him he helps you out financially or you will leave. Do you have money to leave? Maybe contact some agency do you have family,siblings?? Very stressful for you and your grandson. Others here can help as i dont live in US. He needs help from professsionals,have you spoken to his doc? a health nurse? anyone?
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I moved here to see Dad through cancer treatment which has now ended. However he is developing opiate based dementia. There aren't any other family members to help because he has alienated all of them. Dad is an addict. Started with alcohol and has progressed to pain pills. I tried to go to work 2 months ago and was a temp for a week before Dad overdosed. He ended up in the hospital. Lost my job. Went to work again and lost that job when dad ended up back in the hospital again. I do not receive child support because they can not find my grandsons parents. I have no income. The property taxes haven't been paid in 3 years so its only a matter of time before its gone. Dad refuses to pay on his medical bills. He isn't giving me a dime to help while I'm staying here. He is mean to Mattie, leaves meds laying everywhere, sleeps on the couch, won't eat.
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Poor you thats hard. You see never give up your home to live with a parent it just dosnt work.

He is still quite ill? what are the problems you are having with him? mum has dementia so its different but just as hard.

Yes maybe you can tell us more about your situation!
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Give us more info and some back round. Your profile is blank. If you want answers, please tell us more. Welcome to AC.
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