Do not want to be here.

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Moved in with my dad as a temp thing while he went through cancer treatment. I have been here since last November. I am also raising my grandson. I gave up my job, my home, my fiance and I'm ticked off. I do not want to be here. This was supposed to be a temp thing and I'm done. But they told me if I leave I can be charged with elder abuse. I did not agree to do this full time permanent. I want my life back. The environment is not healthy for my grandson. What can I do?

13 Comments

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Poor you thats hard. You see never give up your home to live with a parent it just dosnt work.

He is still quite ill? what are the problems you are having with him? mum has dementia so its different but just as hard.

Yes maybe you can tell us more about your situation!
I moved here to see Dad through cancer treatment which has now ended. However he is developing opiate based dementia. There aren't any other family members to help because he has alienated all of them. Dad is an addict. Started with alcohol and has progressed to pain pills. I tried to go to work 2 months ago and was a temp for a week before Dad overdosed. He ended up in the hospital. Lost my job. Went to work again and lost that job when dad ended up back in the hospital again. I do not receive child support because they can not find my grandsons parents. I have no income. The property taxes haven't been paid in 3 years so its only a matter of time before its gone. Dad refuses to pay on his medical bills. He isn't giving me a dime to help while I'm staying here. He is mean to Mattie, leaves meds laying everywhere, sleeps on the couch, won't eat.
Yes you need to leave why isnt he helping you out if you are looking after him? i would tell him he helps you out financially or you will leave. Do you have money to leave? Maybe contact some agency do you have family,siblings?? Very stressful for you and your grandson. Others here can help as i dont live in US. He needs help from professsionals,have you spoken to his doc? a health nurse? anyone?
Thanks for the info and the pic. You are a YOUNG, Pretty Gramma! You need your own life! It sounds to me like it might be best for all 3 of you, if he went into a nursing home. You can NOT be charged with Elder abuse if you left. How old is Mattie? Your DAD could be charged for endangering a child with his meds laying about.

There are a lot of smart cookies here than can give you info about how to get him into a home. Unfortunately not me, my situation is very different. I adore my Mother (but hate the disease) and am very well taken care of by my brothers, who along with me and Mom have decided to keep Mom home as long as we can.
Hang in there. Soon the caring smart people here will give you great advice.
Mattie is 4 years old. He has seen a lot of trauma in his young life. Dad will not quit smoking around him. He just doesn't care that Mattie coulld end up with cancer from second hand smoke. Dad made a comment once about the fact that Mattie is lazy. Really? Where does he think he gets it from? Dad rarely moves from the couch. I however do it all. Cooking, cleaning, mowing the yard, laundry, doc appts. Dad was my brothers caregiver after my brother had a severe accident. Eric was like a 6 year old. Dad let my brother snort hydrocodones and that led to an overdose. My brother Mick was living with my father when he dissapeared. My mother whom is divorced from my father is worried that something will eventually happen to Mattie and myself. I have hidden the gun that's in the house.
I'd put the priority on your grandson. He's in a dangerous environment and should be out of there asap. Go to http://www.childhelp.org and call them to see what can be done. Your dad's a lost cause, and your concern should be the welfare of your grandson.
looloo is so right! Take that baby and get out of there! Go to your Mom's until you get back on your feet.
Could you not go to your mums? that poor kid. You need to get this sorted asap smoking around a small child can cause ear infections "glue ear" in children. Sounds like you get on ok with mum could she put you up?
Also i dont know US law but there is no way you can be held responsible for your dad if you choose to leave who told you this?
Keep in touch and we hope you sort this out soon its not fair on your grandson he should be in a happy enviroment. Where are his parents? who goes off and leaves a little boy? very sad but hes lucky to have you.
Don't call Child Protective Services as the child is likely to be removed from both of you. How about welfare to support the child? Leave dad, take the kid and move on. Back to the place/job you came from when you came to help?

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