My husband is romantically involved with a staff member at his nursing home. I want a divorce.

Started by

This has been going on since June when he was on a large dose of Remeron. The side effects for him included hyper sexuality. He is now stable on a lower dose.I spoke to the social worker at the snf about it. She investigated and said the infatuation is all on my husband's part. However, this staff person stares at us when I visit. She is old enough to be his granddaughter and appears ro be mentally slow.. I can't take it any longer. He says he loves me and I still love him. I'm tired of this nastiness. I want a divorce. How much does the divorce cost in California? All of the assets are in my name. I would be willing to pay some alimony, although I'm barely making myself due to his medical bills. He neglected to take medicare part B. We've been married for 25 years and it was a good loving marriage. This is a nightmare.

13 Comments

I don't understand why you'd be willing to throw away 25 years of a 'loving marriage' because you husband was basically out of his mind with this drug. If he literally wasn't in his right mind, and if he's not doing this weird behavior anymore, then why not just let this go? I could see being crazy mad at a husband that deliberately cheated on you, but sounds like he couldn't control himself. As far as this 'other woman' is concerned, I'd tell her that my husband is back to normal and apologize for his behavior. Then I'd have him moved to a different area where she isn't assigned. If she's 'slow' and has mental issues of her own, keep her away from him.
It's been going on since June and this lady hasn't been fired? It seems like something the facility should have taken care of as part of a moral/ethical staff/patient code. If you're serious about divorce consult with a family law attorney. You can Google "divorce attorney" or "family law attorney" with your city name and some references should pop up. Best wishes and sorry about your situation.
I read and re-read what you wrote and wondered why you felt there was any wrongdoing. It isn't unusual for even good husbands to be attracted to other women. The problem comes when they act on it. What do you think happened between the two of them and why do you think that?
They acted on it.
If you have the proof, the worker should be fired. There is something particularly disturbing about a young woman having sex with an 87-year old man in a NH.
It makes me sick.
momsie, I still would hold the woman accountable for this and not your husband. HE was the one on a drug that changed his behavior, SHE was the one that wasn't. I still agree that you ought to cut him some slack, but not her. 20 years ago when my grandma was in a nursing home, that kind of stuff went on all the time. Doesn't make it right, but it still went on. While I'm not surprised stuff like this goes on in this day and age, what I am surprised about is that this woman wasn't fired on the spot after you reporting her. If they don't do anything about this, then go above their heads and rattle some cages. Everyone has to answer to someone, they are no different.
How do you know that they acted on it, when the social worker who investigated says not? Did your husband brag about it? Remember, he was drugged.
MOM:

She's retarded and Remeron is raising his flag? Don't divorce him; just have his medication changed or readjusted. Moving him might not make much of a difference because there's something she wants; and it has nothing to do with love.

As far as a divorce in California (I got married in San Diego while in the USMC), my understanding is that everything is split down the middle. Doesn't matter who had what when they tied the knot.

Next time you visit, dress like a vixen.
Eddie - you're the greatest! My husband was in Korea USMC---I'm sure he has PTSD. I love him dearly. He is a wonderful man and this was an unfortunate situation. The medication has been adjusted. He is more himself now and he definitely does not want to throw away our marriage. The vixen idea? hmmm

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support