Is there was a thread or support discussion for caregivers who care for private clients, not their family?

PC, sorry to hear this... I know how invested you are...but with your skill and insight, there is a family that needs you.... I would not stay for all that is about to happen.... see why I am more burned out from FAMILY than I am my charges !!!!!!!!..... this is insane...... let us know what happens and am sending you lots of hugs this morning...

I hate to hear this PC... I know how invested you are... but if the family is letting this person come in and take over, I would get out of there for many reasons.... one, I would feel betrayed, two, liability for when sh*t hits the fan... if you have no voice, then I wouldn't stick around to catch the ugly that is about to happen....

There is a family really needing you, that will appreciate you and let you have a voice... keep us updated... sending you lots of hugs this morning...

Ouch. Let us know how it goes, PC. *hugs* Hang in there, as best you can .. wherever you go.

I feel moving on May be my only option. Everyone has said that, and now with haldol stopped for sure, cause she's "better" then said but I gave her a Ativan cause she was cursing people out.. again. But other cg thinks she's a Dr I guess. So it's only a matter of time before this starts all over....

"if it's not in writing it didn't happen" (I only wish it was really true) ... in the long run, what's been documented is what is supportable. So, when you discover stuff, be sure to write it down. She will ultimately bury herself.

Or.

Maybe it's time to find a different position. If the family is willing to give over more hours to a person who seems to be favored by G, rather than someone who provides excellent care, while they ignore the shortcomings, I know I'd rather move on.

Well we do a lot of charting, her daughter is very meticulous and wants to know everything we do. We have a med chart which we write every time she takes something. Other caregiver was from a company, but left and still took on G. I'm kinda a friend of the family, took care of daughter FIL. and she called me to help with her mom cause I live so close. Examples of other cgs behavior: left G on the bed pan, didn't tell me so she was on it from the am till about 8 at night, she was complaining of bad pain, her other daughter realized it and called me. I said I had no idea, the other cg said she told me, but Gs husband defended me and said no, and that I always time it and that she never said a word. So she lied about that. She always says how her and the daughter fight over the care of G. I told her I never had a problem with her, she is a tough cookie lol, but we get along great and I think she gets mad. I agree, a doctor should make recommendations, not a cg. I offer my input when asked. But make it known its ultimately their decision, I'm not a doctor, and don't try to be one. Now she's taking my hours, and also G had no meds this afternoon cause other cg said no. I could go on and on, also she puts dirty dishes away and I get blamed for it.... and I told the daughter about that, and the sad thing is, they believe me. But other cg is the only one G trusts, so it's a mess.... but on a happy note, G was nice today! Happy New year all!!!!

This is one, of the many things, that paid caregivers get to be powerless over.... as LadeeC said..... no one but the Dr. has the authority to change or DC meds... I pray this woman has not swooped in there and convinced the family she knows what she is doing...
My co-worker is useless.... so that adds to my work load.... but like LC said, we have to keep our emotions out of it.... we don't get the luxury of having a throw down like the family can do when there is a disagreement.

If you have a 'go to' person in the family, then confide your concerns with them... maybe it is being taken care of, and no one is bothering to let you know....if your family is like the one I work for.... no one is on the same page about anything ever, so, tho I have a 'go to' family member, it only seems to add to their stress, as no one will speak up....

Wish you well with this PC... this past few months have been very trying and hard for you....and I am speaking for myself here, I think sometimes I don't know when to just leave.... because I have so much invested....it is a hard choice to make, but at the same time, I am finding it next to impossible to stand by and watch some of the things going on and not having a voice....just know the duo Ladee's have your back, and we DO understand... sending you lots of hugs today.... let us know how this works out....

On a less generalized note (just read the other thread about the Haldol) .. remind her and the family that she is NOT a physician and changing meds is not only NOT her prerogative, but she could be held liable for any negative outcome. Keep your comments as professional as you can, stress your concern for your client's welfare and well being .. and leave the final decision to the family. It's not really your decision, either.

It's hard, I know. I'm not much of a fan of western medicine and advocate for natural treatments whenever I can ........... but any changes we make are always with the doctor's approval (can't say that doesn't stick in my craw, it does .. but .. that's the job). Hopefully, this new person can get with the program and not make life a nightmare. *crosses fingers*

Hi, PC .. it might help if you describe the situation more, but without further information, my questions/answers would be:

Is there a lead CG between the two of you or are the two of you on 'common' ground? What kinds of issues is she creating or challenging?

The answer to all the above, in my experience is: document, document, document.

Basically, charting: as though she were a hospital patient. Note all the changes of condition. Log all your activities together. Keep a log of vitals. Record all treatments, medications, appointments, etc. Keep them in plain view, keep copies if necessary and make sure the POA is aware of your process. Suggest, if it's not already being done that all caregivers follow the same process. Actually, this is just common courtesy between caregivers, AND, is incredibly helpful when/if your client needs to go for treatment or to the ER. My co-worker and I do this and it's really an immeasurable help, especially since our client's condition is so variable .. it helps us keep the visiting nurse and the doctor up-to-date. (We even log her BMs .. we used to track her diet, due to the diabetes, but once we got used to her needs, dropped that; but still track her daily intake of fluids.)

Charting can be a royal PITA, but just consider it part of your duties. (gah .. I'd rather chart than do dishes, lol)

Keep emotions out of it. (oh, MAN, is THAT hard!!) But, take the higher ground and do NOT retaliate or give back, in kind. Just keep doing the best work you know how to do. Getting defensive only makes us seem petty and vindictive and the family really doesn't want to hear it. Our responsibility, our job is to caregive, and that's what the family wants to know is happening. Not the infighting or the catfights.

And, uh .. I speak from hard-won experience. My first three years here were, erm .. more than challenging and it took me a LONG time to just surrender: my goal was/is to give the best care I can for my client, and THAT meant I have to give ground. In the long run, it's worked out and taking the high road paid off.

Hope this helps,
LadeeC

Hope everyone had a good holiday! Had a crappy day today. I need advice from someone who works with a client with more than one caregiver... I know a few of you are on other discussions I posted in. But I seriously feel like other caregiver is over stepping and causing problems, on purpose. What should I do?

Merry Christmas, PC .. and everyone else!!

Made it through my first week back. Was able to feed her today! Taking small steps. The haldol seems to be working. She's dozing much of the time, but her violent anger is gone. Staying in close contact with the family, they are relieved she's accepting me again! Felt good... merry Christmas everyone and hugs to you all!

Well G was hospitalized for a week. Got home yesterday. I was called to please come back. Went in today, she didn't want me there, but didn't put up a fight like usual. And no name calling (from her). She let me stay, got them all caught up on chores, she's asleep most of the time cause of her meds. Going in slowly, back on my normal schedule for now. Just hoping we can get her to come around, her family said she usually does. But I'm thankful they addressed the problem and I can help the family, and hope she will accept me again. Need positive vibes! Hugs all! :)

Hi Ruth1957! Please share your experiences... or just talk or vent! That's what this is for. Welcome to the thread!

LadeeM, hugs to you. Try to enjoy some you time. I miss my G, but thank God my parents are here. I honestly felt lost not going there everyday. They have drug me everywhere, seeing family and spending time (my family is not local) being there towards the end is rough, but you got your support, especially us. Hugs to you...

I am my Aunt's caregiver, DPOA. But, some how I'm not allowed to get paid for my caregiver services because, I'm my Aunt's POA? This isn't fare.

Hey Ruth.... we know each other right? You are a bright light in the caregiving world... sure hope you come on and share some of your 'methods' with us..... I learned a lot from you when you were posting before....good to see you again... sending you lots of hugs..

Glad, I'm going to have a good time this weekend.... going to try and put down all the things I am powerless over and just enjoy my company.... we don't get to do that very often.... so will cherish my time.... thanks for being here... hope you get a break this weekend also.... you deserve it also... sending you hugs and lots of chocolate...

I just discovered this thread. I'm "one of you" - the paid private caregivers. I've found so much support on this page. Just haven't been on it a whole lot in the past few months. I'm back! Thank you for starting this discussion.

LadeeM, sounds like a wonderful weekend! Enjoy it, you deserve it!

I get to go to lunch with a great friend, the daughter of my last family before C and Gene.... and then I have friends coming in for the weekend.... I may actually feel like a human by Monday..... hugs to all of you... sure wish there was more traffic on this thread......

I do not know or understand how you do what you do. HUGS, and lots of them.

No Glad, I will be there until the end... and will still maintain care of C.... I have been with them a year.... their son, Stu, who was their primary caregiver, and lived with them, died of brain cancer a little over two months ago... I got very close to him. Miss him so much.....

In my line of work, we usually stay until the end.... but my soul is weary.... just weary from loss and still having to put on a 'happy face' to remain professional..... thank God I have this site and great support... just could not, and would not, do this without my great friends here....hugs to you..... really into 'myself'..... just for today....

Ladee-
So, when hospice comes in, your care of him ends? I know you will still care for him. How long have you been with him?

Just for today... I my eyes and my smile will not connect. Just for today.... I will pretend everything is ok. Just for today.....I will be the robot I detest. Just for today.... I will put my pain and my dread, outside the door before I walk in.

Just for today. That's all I have with Gene... just today.... Hospice is being called in.... this is too soon after Stu's death..... just for today, I don't want to do this anymore.

Ya CM... I hear you... the messed up part of this for me.... I am as tired, frustrated, unhealthy as the rest of you.... and I go this on PURPOSE every day... doesn't make a damned bit of sense does it..... I am so burned out.....

We have joked thru the years about having a caregiver get together... why? We would all be sleeping......
Hugs to everyone, and lots of chocolate when all else fails....

You're still entitled to wish He'd choose somebody else from time to time… :)

Yup, the chosen one. And I know one day I will be very happy that I have been able to spend this time with my mom. And most importantly she is happy, comfortable, safe, and well cared for in the manner she would have chosen.

thank you, LadeeM

Ya Glad, that's the added bonus of caregiving... if we have any compassion and empathy, we feel their pain and sadness on top of what ever is going on with us...and when we are so emotionally drained, our bucket is empty..... it all feels so hopeless, so never ending....I do understand how you feel... but keep in mind that YOU really are ENOUGH for you mom.... forget that the sibs are jerks.... A power greater than us decided that in order for your mom to have some quality of life, you were chosen.... many days we don't have to like it...and we get weary from telling our self it is what it is.... but you do have us... we live very far away and are here for you.....

And no, in the middle of all the tiredness and craziness, it's not like we stop and say... 'wow, I am sooooo blessed'.......but when all is said and done... we are the blessed ones.... wish I lived closer..... I would help you with mom.....families are amazed sometimes that I can take the most cantankerous person and get them to be glad I'm there....so just remember, its not like you are the ONLY one in regard to your family, you are the CHOSEN one.... sucks doesn't it..... love and hugs....

ladeeM, thanks for your kind words and especially the chocolate and hugs too. I am really worn out tonight, feeling very tired and emotionally drained. Partly, I think, a new one from mom tonight, asking where that other girl was, meaning one of the sisters. Hadn't heard that before, but then she has only seen that sister five timed this year and she lives 5 miles away. So sad, for her.

Glad, partly the reason I do what I do , is to keep elders out of NH's.....it is cheaper than a NH and they get one-on-care...... so the fact that you know mom is happy and well cared for... even if you are alone in this.... it is much better than worrying about her care in the hands of strangers.... and yes, the sibs have their own reasons or excuses..... but in the end.... you will be able to look in the mirror with no regrets.....that is how I live my life.... to not have regrets..... you are an awesome daughter, and I send prayers that the family understands that you at least need someone to help come in and so some cleaning for you..... we do tend to let things go because we are either too busy or too tired.... I don't think, a hundred years from now, if it will matter if we could write our names on the furniture.... I think our loving actions are going to be what matters..... hugs and chocolate to you....