Is there was a thread or support discussion for caregivers who care for private clients, not their family?

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I know dealing with family is kind of the same thing, but would like to get connected to others who help private clients.


I am a private caregiver and know there are a few on this site.... It would be a good idea... I have another lady here who is private also and we email.... I am always concerned how we might sound to others who never get a break, are struggling financially , and have no help at all... it would be great if we had a site dedicated to paid caregivers..... something for us to think about maybe.... But I do understand the need to have someone who understands, to talk to... I have been on this site many years.... paid caregivers were not readily accepted back then.... but I came on and said I had as much right as any one else to have a place to go..... but I have learned that what others share, and my sharing the same thing, is interpreted differently..... so I don't usually share too much of what is really going on with me...

Let's see how many respond to this and who is interested.... we might be able to figure something out to have our own support group...... sharing info to help us do our jobs better, and to have a place to come and vent our own frustrations.

If this doesn't take root, maybe we can exchange email addys.... let me know... thanks for the great suggestion....

Thanks for responding, was hoping I'd get positive feed back. It's just as hard for us when we get emotionally connected with our clients. I feel we feel a lot of the feelings family caregivers feel, but not as accepted cause we go home everyday. But let's see where this goes! Advice, support, venting! Even us need support!
As a care giver to a family member I think I would find Y'alls point of view interesting. I bet a lot of us would gain insight as to what we take too personally, and what is just natural behavior from the disease.Try it. I'll visit. I am even considering continuing care giving ,as a profession, when Mom no longer needs me.
Yes we do.... I have lost two clients this past year... I am up to my neck in grief and thank God I have caregiver friends that we all email.... or I would burst into flames on some days.... families do not understand the very fine line we walk everyday.... the mixed messages we receive... the blame and having to watch another family's dynamics, that sometimes trigger our own lives..... I love what I do..... or I wouldn't be doing it.... but other than in emails, I really don't feel that most, besides another private caregiver, really understands how attached we get to our folks.....that we are very invested.... and that some days we have to wear many 'hats' and try to remain professional..... extra stress that they don't understand.... not taking one thing from the hundreds and hundreds on this site that have no help at all..... and no money for some respite..... don't know about you... but I have thought if I ever had enough money, I would travel around and give some of these awesome people some respite... for free.....but I am struggling in many ways as they are..... but my heart is with them always..... so, like we said, lets see where this goes.... we may have to start our own site, because I have been here a long time, I have great friends here, and would never want to hurt them by saying things they might not take the right way..... guess if it's meant to be, we will find a way.....
Wow Boni, how awesome your response is.... and yes, we do see things a little more different that family.... and approach things differently..... we'll see if any other family members would be interested in learning how the private caregiver feels...

It would be great to perceived more human than a trained robot.... guess my concern would be if we were shamed or made to feel bad for feeling what all of you feel.... I wouldn't be ok with that.....

But thank you for sharing and hope we hear from other family caregivers also...

PC123 has a wonderful idea.... it would be awesome for those of us in private care to have a safe place to go... we could be so much more effective as we would be learning from other private caregivers how to handle situations, learn more about the hands on care, the medical side, which many of us also know.....

So thanks again Boni..... who knows.....
In my experience we come to love our patients. I know when I come home, I sit and worry if everything is ok. I know personally I worry as if she was my own family. I care for a bed ridden MS patient, she goes through so many emotions, pain and guilt. This week she was great! Alert, eating but nauseous and in some pain. Week before was incoherent. I know everyone in the family is on a different page. More meds, less meds!!!! But I do everything to keep her pacified. She feels she's a burden, but I let her know everyday no she's not and I get that smile! Any advice on activities for her, she also can't see. She gets bored a lot, and we talk, but I want to be more engaging.
If it doesn't upset her to talk about her past.... get her to tell you her favorite stories.... did she travel, what were her hobbies..... the gentleman I care for has dementia, but he has traveled the world... he loves to tell me about things he did while he did that.... and laugh, we laugh a lot.....

Are you able to do any 'hands on' massaging when she is hurting??? Just the human touch can bring some solace to the person we are caring for... put lotion on her hands. Paint her nails..... Try and get her to tell you what she would imagine the perfect 'get away' would be... of course it depends on whether or not these things only make her feel more sad...... but let her know you and her can have any world you choose when you are together..... you sound like an awesome caregiver, trying to find other ways to help her, to help her be happy more..... that's what we do.... use our imagination...... hope others come on and give suggestions too....sending you lots of hugs...
She traveled a lot and we talk about that all the time, she lived in different states and countries. Today the morning caregiver got her all dolled up, she was having visitors. Wig, make up, dressy clothes (she's usually in a night gown) she loved it! Her attitude was "flirty" lol, she was concerned about looking fake, I told her no, she looks beautiful! And not to worry about that. I think we should do it more often! She didn't even want her meds cause she wanted to be alert and awake. She said she was in no pain, and we don't force meds unless necessary. It made a world of difference for her! She has been talking about wanting her legs massaged and motioned up, so that's a good idea. She also likes to know about my life, so I could talk more about that. Thanks for the advice, I see now she likes the "beauty treatment" definitely gonna work with that for sure! :)
Heyas, folks. Another 'paid' caregiver, here. Live-in. Happen to be on one of my days off. And thank the heavens for that.

Honestly, I still think of the family caregivers as superhuman for being capable and willing to do this full-time. It's literally a killer job.

Yes, as non-family, independent caregivers, we have some different issues. And, I think a thread dedicated to it might add to the site's overall benefits. I'd want to set some guidelines, though:

- The primary focus would be on issues specific to non-family caregivers (whether paid or not)
- Everyone is welcome to comment (no exclusions based on relationship to the caree)
- No Flaming. This doesn't mean we can't express our own opinions, but it does mean that people consider each other to have real hearts and hands and heads behind the keyboard and to treat each other as we'd prefer to be treated: with respect and kindness ... even when they don't seem to deserve it. Maybe more so, then.
-And, at the outset, I'd feel the need to acknowledge that this site was specifically designed for family members and the issues that go along with caring for a family member, and the unique issues that creates. I realize that the site has actually mutated over the years to include all kinds of family members aside from parents, includes more than the elderly, and has opened its arms to non family members. That we've been welcomed into the arms of this magnificent 'family' is a great blessing to me and I don't care to lose that support.

With all that said, I'd support a thread dedicated to non-family caregivers. Yep. I would.

For our client, we incorporate all kinds of things throughout the day. She needs Physical, Occupational and Speech therapy, so we make sure that her activities (just the motions of going through the day) are a form of some kind of therapy. She gets someone a couple of times a week who comes over and gives her PT and OT, but that's concentrated and focused. What we do, we try to make as innocuous as possible. I don't like the idea that every hour is some kind of 'work' .. ugh. Not good for her, and not good for us.

- When she has to get up for potty, we dance
- when she's prepping for a meal, I make it a stretch .. put the tray almost out of reach to get her to work on her balance and stretching
- When she's dressing, I practice letting her DO as much of it as possible, starting with a set of directions that challenge her mind with process and order. "Put this sleeve on that arm, this one, there. Then pull it over your head." And back out of her line of vision to 'supervise'

Every day has some kind of creative something: coloring (she loves it), jigsaw puzzles, pointing out things she wants in a catalog; cutting my hair (yep, I let her and she's pretty darn good at it .. at least the ends, lol). She folds the wash cloths (used to be almost all the laundry, but, meh .. her stamina and strength don't hold up to it, these days). On a good day, she can push the vacuum, from her wheelchair. These last things are things she MISSES doing. She loves to play in the dirt, so we got her those starter planter kits. She decorates with us during holidays: dipping eggs, making bows, hehe .. she's great a giving direction, so we let her. (And when stuff it's neat or tidy or whatever .. after she's gone to bed we fix it up and the next day, she's all ".. Pretty!! .. "

I bounce the exercise ball at her and have her kick or push it back; before she gets out of bed or her chair, I have her toss all the pillows at me (she's a darn good shot with her left hand, considering she's naturally right-handed).

All kinds of things. These are just a few ideas that I hope stimulate a few more for your specific circumstances.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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