How to discuss things with my parents without them being offended.
I will warn anybody in advance that this is my first post and will probably be too long because I'll probably starting ranting....SORRY
My parents are 77, dad has multiple myeloma (diagnosed 9 years ago, went into remission and now it's back), he's receiving weekly chemo, he has prostate issues and is now using a catheter and is generally pretty weak but still mobile. Mom is the healthier of the two...has Rheumatoid arthritis which causes her problems, she was hospitalized a few months ago due to a mini stroke (she's probably had more than we are even aware of).
I am the sibling that does all the "heavy lifting" and gets phone calls like I did at 4:30 a.m Tuesday morning "Can you take dad to the ER he thinks there's a problem with his catheter and we were just there...he wants to go back"
My mom drove my dad at 2:00am in below zero temperatures because he thought there was no output to his catherer and something was wrong. Nothing was wrong but they came all the way home and my dad was still convinced (because of his low urine output) something was wrong....so at 4:30 they called me and I took him back to the ER! It's a long story and he's OK but stuff like this keeps happening.
It just seems like we're always putting out fires. I hate it. I love my parents dearly and have and will continue to help them in anyway but their judgment sometimes seems so off and it's really evident that they are getting confused and forgetful about some things. I don't know if it's dementia or just the fact that they're tired and both on a boatload of medication.
I think I'm limited in what I can do or say because they still are able to function in their house ..just not very well...there's always some emergency or "fire" that I have to put out. I know I'm preaching to the choir but it's stressful beyond belief.
At what point do I sit down with them OR my thought was to write them a letter (I think they might comprehend it a little better?) and say not in so many words but "you guys are a mess and we need to have some sort of a plan to help you live more comfortably and safely"
We have been down this road before but with their finances...last year they went from not having to worry about money to having constantly to worry and we had a HUGE family drama over it....since then I've sort of backed off suggesting things to them (they don't listen really) and let things just happen . I have POA but they are not at that point yet.
I'll stop now and just ask how do you bring up things without offending them (Dad is SUPER stubborn, I'm going to die in this house I know everything man) and Mom is sort of on the fence about things and more passive but able to be offended if I word things wrong.