FELLOW CARER'S, do you find it very difficult to encourage who you care to take respite care?


Caring for My dear Mom 24/7 since 2013 has been one of the great joys of My Life. Mother had been diagnosed with moderate to medium Alzheimer's in 2013. As one Who had Lived the outdoor life for over half a century, I began to learn how to prepare and cook meals, do the laundry, house work, and the many more duties that combine with Caring. Feeling jaded and some what bewildered I called to Mother's GP ( DOCTOR ) and I stated that I feel completely abandoned, and at times out of My dept. The Doctor knowing Our circumstances said, We kneed to get Mother in for RESTBITE Care so that She will be put on the system and get accessed, and it will all flow from there the Doctor said, but One kneed's to request RESTBITE Care first. When I broke this news to Mom She began to get mixed feelings, stating yeragh no I won't go at all, I'm happier here at home, sher You'd let Me there. I reassured Mother that RESTBITE Care is for six days only, then I would call to bring Her home. Since this conversation had been cropping up repeatedly I said..You have got a choice (1) Avail of RESTBITE Care and receive help, or (2) Refuse RESTBITE Care....and I will go back to work immediately, and leave You to manage. There's been no wavering since, as Mom is determined to go. Isn't it very sad that Our Elder's Who are so vulnerable feel threatened by change ?

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Oh Respite Respite Respite, what a wonderful sounding idea, and just like Jessie and Jude, my FIL, states that he can stay home on his own, and when I tell him, that No, he can't, and what about that fall you just had, then it's all excuses, I'LL USE MY WALKER, oh Now you will use it, I can't win. Whereas he hypervigilant about fire and candles in the home, (he's 85), always reminding me to be sure to blow them out at night, which is nice, he doesn't seem to think that Anything could possibly go wrong, such as a fire, or power outage, or a burglary. We used to be able to go away on vacation, 7 or more years ago, as he has been with us for 11+ years now, and up until age 79ish, he was fully capable staying here on his own, with our kids checking in on him, so he has those past experiences to argue with me about it. But I will WIN this battle, and we will have our break away from him, as our marriage needs this break and I will make him understand. However, my FIL may be a bit senile, but he does have all of his mental faculties, he is more of a fall risk, and is now very weak and frail. I know everyone's situation is different, and needs to be worked out in there own way. Great topic Johnny, and YES, our vulnerable LO's do feel threatened by change, even though we do everything in our power to make them feel Loved, they think we are leaving them forever! Come to think of it, that's not a bad idea!............Just Kidding!!!

Well education time here - respite comes from the French so I imagine probably from the latin too. In french respit means respect refuge consideration - that sort of thing so it is an appropriate term I guess.

Lesson over and sorry about that! Johnjoe well done you for giving up on a very active outdoor life to take care of Mum and I have to say I admire your ability to cope with the transitions you must have made.

You will feel jaded - it is normal so don't worry about that and you MUST have respite - you really must. It is THE most difficult thing to get your Mum or whoever to understand that full time care one on one is bloody stressful.

I tried the soft route of getting her to go to a day centre once a week which I know works for some - she wasn't having any of it - absolutely not.

In the end I had only one option and that was, like you to force the issue. She was vile about it I have to say. I paid up front in spades for sending her there (I'm not talking cash here I am talking about pure vitriole from her about it) and I paid again after she came out (but I was in a better place by then)

I do have to tell you that I watched her for about half an hour when I went to pick her up without her seeing me and she was having a fine old time talking to people despite her saying it was awful and would never go again (PS she will!)

SO bear with it keep having the respite because while she may not feel the need you DO have a need to recharge your batteries. xxx

Hey johnjoe - I hope you don't mind - but I wanted to tell you it's Respite Care not Restbite. I only mention it in case you need to request it again in the future. I've often thought it an odd word - respite - and never having bothered to look it up I'm not sure what the word actually means. Anyhow...Good job in both seeking help when you needed a break and especially in standing firm on taking it!

My mother's response when I talk about taking a break is that she will be fine staying home all by herself. She doesn't need to go anywhere or have anyone come in. I know better than that. She probably also knows better. It can be a challenge to get them to realize that the caregiver needs a break sometimes.

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