She wants to summer here and winter in AZ, which would be great, but neither of us have the money to that. I did speak to a neighbor she is close to and explained the situation and he came up and talked to her - she was mad I talked to him about it and she doesn't even know I told him about the financial issues - yet. But he offered to be a ear for her since she admitted she talks to no one. We can't afford a caregiver or anything unless she sells her house. This neighbor has been a friend of the family and also said he'd look at both our finances to see what can be done. I guess things will stay on hold a few more days until things cool off and a fresh pair of eyes can see something I can't.
It just hurts me so bad when she puts me down for having a mental illness and condemns my life.
Wow...you are are between a big rock and a very hard place. My sympathies for all the loss you have suffered recently. I can see why you are feeling depressed. If your Mom refuses to move, and is of sound mind, you cannot force her to do so. Also, buying her home to get her out of debt is not a good idea for either of you. Will she sell her home? If she is ready for asst. living anyway, that may be a good way of getting rid of debt and having a little left over. Start looking for ALFs online and vist 2 or 3. Take your Mom to see them. She may not like the idea at first...so give it some time to sink in. In the meantime, find a good paid caregiver who can come in once a week or so to help out and she can also report back to you about your Mom's condition. If she continues to refuse help, you could file for guardianship, but it is a long, drawn-out process. I hope she will see your reasoning sooner than later. It is SO difficult to help someone when they put up resisitance....I know. Continue to post questions here...there are so many good people in this forum who are walking in the same shoes and have good advice.
It's so complicated I sort of gave up posting. I am the last surviving child and I am disabled due to depression. I own a home in AZ. My sister who lived nearby my Mom died on New year's after falling off a ladder. My Mom's sister died in Feb. and a week later my Mom had a heart attack. My brother committed suicide in 1990. My father was killed when a car he was working on crushed him in 1964. We've all been through a lot.
When I came up for my sister's funeral my Mom told me has was $115,000 in debt ($15K in credit card, $100K in line-of-credit home equity) mainly due to gambling.
I came up in early Feb and went through all her papers and created a budget for her (she has about $500/mo after paying minimum payments on her debt to cover medical, food, gas, etc.). She wanted me to buy her house for the amount of her debt, but for several reasons I don't think I want nor can do that. She is taking out her anger on me and can say very cruel things. I'm overwhelmed. She also changes her mind (understandable) on what she wants to do and isn't with it enough to make financial decisions. We just changed POA to me. I think she is on the cusp of requiring assited living, may have depression herself, but won't see a counselor. Yesterday I recommended she maybe talk to the priest at her church. Right now we are both very angry.
She doesn't want to move to AZ and I've been trying to figure a way for her to stay here, but that would mean I have to go back to AZ and no family member is when she needs help. She refuses counseling, doesn't want to tell anyone else about her debt, and in general is very closed
Could we please have a little more info? It sounds like your Mom is in WI? How is she being cared for now? Is she able to move near you or you near her? Are there other family members involved? Who has her POA? Does she have sufficient funds for hiring help? thanks
It just hurts me so bad when she puts me down for having a mental illness and condemns my life.
If your Mom refuses to move, and is of sound mind, you cannot force her to do so. Also, buying her home to get her out of debt is not a good idea for either of you.
Will she sell her home? If she is ready for asst. living anyway, that may be a good way of getting rid of debt and having a little left over.
Start looking for ALFs online and vist 2 or 3. Take your Mom to see them. She may not like the idea at first...so give it some time to sink in.
In the meantime, find a good paid caregiver who can come in once a week or so to help out and she can also report back to you about your Mom's condition.
If she continues to refuse help, you could file for guardianship, but it is a long, drawn-out process. I hope she will see your reasoning sooner than later. It is SO difficult to help someone when they put up resisitance....I know.
Continue to post questions here...there are so many good people in this forum who are walking in the same shoes and have good advice.
When I came up for my sister's funeral my Mom told me has was $115,000 in debt ($15K in credit card, $100K in line-of-credit home equity) mainly due to gambling.
I came up in early Feb and went through all her papers and created a budget for her (she has about $500/mo after paying minimum payments on her debt to cover medical, food, gas, etc.). She wanted me to buy her house for the amount of her debt, but for several reasons I don't think I want nor can do that. She is taking out her anger on me and can say very cruel things. I'm overwhelmed. She also changes her mind (understandable) on what she wants to do and isn't with it enough to make financial decisions. We just changed POA to me. I think she is on the cusp of requiring assited living, may have depression herself, but won't see a counselor. Yesterday I recommended she maybe talk to the priest at her church. Right now we are both very angry.
She doesn't want to move to AZ and I've been trying to figure a way for her to stay here, but that would mean I have to go back to AZ and no family member is when she needs help. She refuses counseling, doesn't want to tell anyone else about her debt, and in general is very closed
How is she being cared for now? Is she able to move near you or you near her? Are there other family members involved? Who has her POA? Does she have sufficient funds for hiring help?
thanks