I have deteriorated so much mentally, that I need a caregiver now.

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Autistic are famous for not being able to take meds for depression or anxiety. Causes meltdowns. No Family left Do not even know my 2 cousins really, due to an old family fued. I have Dark thoughts 24/7.

14 Comments

You have all you need to save yourself, and that is HOPE. We (including you) see proof of that, in that you posted here for help. Please see how self-empowering that mere act is! and YOU did that. Do NOT give up.
Remember that the darkest comes before the dawn, and you are about to rise! You will get help. It WILL happen! Even when you see no way out, it will come. Prayers, Light, and Love has been poured over you.
Hi Kathryn,
Please find the help you need through a social service and shout out to a friend if you can. You need to make a drastic change in your life.
Although my situation is must different than yours, when I cared for my mother 24/7, I also felt desperate, hopeless and depressed. I had people around me but I still felt alone because she was my responsibility. It gave me the impetus to make arrangements to place my mother in a nursing home.
It was a difficult process which I painfully dragged myself through.
2 1/2 years later she is happier and I am not broken anymore.

My mother always saved everything that broke from vases to teacups. She would save all the pieces and carefully glue them all together. Although they never looked quite the same with visible seems everywhere, they always functioned and held water. I'm the teacup . . scarred but functioning and no longer in pain . . relieved that we both made it through a situation which sometimes seemed hopeless.

Please find the help you need even if you have to drag your self through it. You are in my thoughts.

hugs and love ~ Ria
Not sure what to say, but I feel the same way.
You need to make a change. As caregivers we often feel guilty when we think about what our caregiving is doing to us physically, emotionally and mentally. Just thinking about giving up these duties makes us feel so guilty that we don't do what we need to do to take care of ourselves. When we are not well, we are not good caregivers and those we care for suffer. Making a change is not only for you but also for the one you are caring for. Start out taking a temporary break and then decide if you need to make a permanent change. But the most important thing is that you need to make a change now and take care of yourself. I wish you the best.
My heart goes out to you, but that isn't going to help you. You sound like you are to the point of breaking. Please reach out and get help, even if it is from a suicide hotline. You need to talk to someone about your situation. Please know you are not alone in this. We caregivers sometimes feel things we thought we would never feel. They are our loved ones and sometimes I feel so guilty about not wanting to do this anymore. I want my life back. You have to sit back and understand that our loved ones are not doing this to us to hurt us, they don't like it any better than we do, but it is what it is. Please search out the help you before there is no going back. You also deserve to have a happy life. Thoughts and prayers with you. Please keep us informed.
Your feelings are quite common for people who are caregiving and get no time off. You need to call the Area For Aging in your county for help. They can help with getting home health care to come to your home to help with your mother so you can get some time for yourself. You deserve some time for yourself♥!
We need to the the strong one for our Mom, thats how I feel. Your Mom probably feels the same but she needs you more than ever now. Does your Mom get social security? Use it and hire help to get yourself out, you have to! Shopping or walking is therapy and you have to do that to continue to care for her. Deep Breath, come on, hire someone, go out and clear your mind. Best of Luck!
Please read Kathryn's profile if you are going to encourage her to continue taking care of her mother . . . I'm saying this because she has bigger issues herself than some other caregivers have.
Praying for you. I know how you feel , been there wrote the book.It was take a break from caregiving or let caregiving break me.. I chose to take a break. My Dad will be staying in respite care for a month. He has decided he is well enough to live on his own so if all goes well he will get his wish. I will still be the primary caregiver but at least I can count on having a months break..Caregiving is hard especially when you have a difficult family member.. Whew !! Geesh !!
God help us !!
Kathryn,

You have done an amazing job, taking care of Mom so long!!!
Few caregivers can last so long, even in better circumstances.

You have company!
I deal with high-functioning ASD in our family, too, as well as some family members with mental illnesses.
It is crazy-making to deal with an elder who is "losing it", or worse, who never really had it!
It is UNrealistic for many [especially those with ASD] to think we can cope with doing long-term care for elders who might not have been stable to start with, and get worse with age.

You need lots of help, and many kinds, locally to you.
It is a confusing process, even for those without ASD.

To get help, maybe start with a Social Worker,
either from "Area Agency on Aging" closest to you,
or, the Welfare Department nearest you.
Someone who can evaluate your situation and your Mom's, as separate cases, and find proper helps.

The goals for you might look like:
----Mom needs taken care of by someone else, and/or, somewhere else;
----YOU need help getting your needs met, to have safety nets, and to help you sort out your feelings and your troubles so you can find some Joy.

Please call for help.
IF you cannot figure out how to contact a social worker,
call the Police,
or else the Suicide Prevention Call center or Crisis Line
--most hospitals have Crisis Lines, or can give you a phone number for them, if you cannot find the number, it is usually even listed in the front information pages in phone books.

THESE statements are helpful to tell whoever you call:
*---"I need help; I am autistic and very depressed, I cannot do it alone";
*---"I have been stuck caring for Mom for a long time, and cannot do it anymore."
*---"I need safety nets and helps for myself, and need people who understand ASD to help me get them for myself and for Mom",
If you need to live with someone, they might be able to get you that kind of arrangement, too
[sometimes that might take a few tries to get one that works well]
[it took our adult child about 4 tries before finding someone similar, and they get along well].

There are people who work -With- you to solve these troubles.

Contrary to some popular beliefs, those with ASD have plenty of feelings
--we just may not be able to talk about them easily, or identify them as readily, or feelings run away with us sometimes.
We are not jerks, not retarded--just wired differently.
We need help getting the helps that others find easy.

Please keep us posted as to how things are working things out for you!!!

{{{hugs!}}}
Chi

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