I am tired and depressed being on this roller coaster.

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Here I go again. For the fourth time, in 30 days, the caretaker of the memory care home called me 3 days ago to tell me my husband was out of control again. Demanding to go home, then removing the settings on the dinner table, telling the other 3 residents there that she was poisening them. Wandering outside at night thinking some one was after him ( he even tried to climb the fence outside yelling at people passing by saying he was being kept a prisoner. The caretaker finally called the ambulance and they took him to the hospital where he was taken to the psychiatric ward. My nerves were shot when she called me to tell me where he was. I was glad though that he was finally getting the mm edition he has needed for a long time to help his anxiety, delusions, insomnia and aggression. She told me how bad he was and how she could handle it,blah blah, I hear this all the time!!! Then why is he constantly going to the hospital?? Then she said the caregiver that comes that comes there on the weekends to give her a break, will not watch him anymore. AND She said she wants MORE money if or when he is released. I have not had ANY time to do anything here at home, have cancelled many of my doc appoitments,, dealing with things breaking down here, roof leaking busted sprinklers, the list goes on, and the money is almost gone all of his SS and pension goes to this home, I can't believe she is asking for more!! Medicad turned me down bc the person who helped me fill out the forms messed up, weird though, bc they sent me a card and I was good to go for a month before they took it away? When is this going to end????my husband can't come home, finding another home is hard at our budget, I am worried everyday about the finances,. I'm just sick to my stomach ((((


First of all, tell your husband's doctor in no uncertain terms that he needs sufficient anti-anxiety medication to settle him down. Caretakers, wives included, should not be in danger from a rambunctious patient. Period. And if you're grateful he's finally getting the melds he needs to settle him down, that means somebody's been doing a lousy job. Get on his doc's case.

And he's getting outside at night? That is completely unacceptable. I can't TELL you how unacceptable that is.

Call your area's Council on Aging. Ask for a meeting with a social worker who can help you sort thru your situation. It sounds like you're at witt's end. The only thing that keeps us going in these situations is the notion that we're somewhat in control. You've lost that sense -- and you need to get it back.
Kixxy, Maggie has nailed this one. She makes ALL the right points. This guy needs meds.
I feel like im being walked on. And yes! I blame his doctor who is oldrr than him and has that atttitude of oh i dont believe in medication an asprin will do! I tried to get that doctor removed as his primary care physician, but was stonewalled. And watch out for the geriatric docs. If the patient says i want to go home they will let them. That happened last november at th3 nursing facility and i was already out with the social workers looking for a memory care home it only took that one doctor to let him out
Then it was 3 months of abuse and stress.
as i write this i am waiting for the caretaker or the so called navagation directot to call me back.on where he is going to go. He is being released today. As usual i am jumpy nervous, and i cant move forward! This is becomming a joke.
and it is affecting my health.its like the abuse i suffered before he went to the home, but worse. ((
Of course, it is going to affect your health. It would affect anyone's. But, remain adamant with the doctor that you are no longer able to take care of your husband.

My mother's NH has a locked wing, where these patients are kept. There is certainly no one "getting outside."

Can you re-apply for medicaid? Can your get an elder care attorney, to help you?

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