Depressed and no end in sight.
I have been caring for my 89 year old mother for over four years in my home. She had open heart surgery during 2011 and I spent my time as her advocate staying at medical facilities to ensure that her recovery occur. I am now 65 years old and thankfully I still work full time with CNA assist for parent. I feel as though my life is empty. All I do is work and she is my second job. She is fragile but no dementia. I am depressed as things will only get worse and she could live another five years. She depends on me totally. She has a son who is married and lives out of state. She adores him. I have no family help. I do tracheostomy care every morning before work and on weekends. I plan on seeing my therapist in near future. I try to keep up with my health but I just am angry that I can make no plans for my life or retirement as I am stuck. I wil not put her in a nursing home as that would be the end. I would spend all of my time there as I had done for 18 months at facilities during her recovery. Perhaps the saddest part is I have spoiled her all of her life. Took her on beautiful vacations and bought her a mobile home and a car. My father died in 1989 and she had a great life afterwards due to me. At my age I was taking her on trips and she had it all. Now my feelings for her have changed due to resentment. She constantly complains about everything. She is narcissistic and really feels like my taking care of her is my lot in life. I hope my health holds out. My career offers my only escape. My lease is up this July but I can't make any plans as she has a nice room here with big screen tv and all of her doctors are here. My best friend and partner is leaving next week to help her son. She has been such a help since living with us. No idea when she will be back but at minimum will be give six months. I know there is nothing right now that I can change. I will just keep my distance as best I can and try to figure something out.