I'm so depressed and it's Christmas!

Started by



Holidays in particular are rough. Hang on, it will get better
I hear ya.
I guess it's even more depressing as an adult when you only have one (elderly) parent left and you know they care zip about you... It's something that never 'heals'... (and, I use to think I was strong... but, after being 'used' for decades, I feel angry, and all kinds of emotions)
I am so sorry!! It has been a rough year with losses and hurts. Hugs to you!!
Can you tell us more? The situation? Heart it sounds like you've experienced over your life what I have and are in a position I was for some years. I have no family either. My mother went into a nursing home over a year ago and I bought a dilapidated wee cottage on 2 acres in the country. Moved in December 27, 2012. Along with driving 85km regularly to clear her house and get it reno'd for sale - at huge cost as she'd never spent a penny on it in 12 years - while hobbling on a broken toe, almost freezing to death and having her scream at me down the phone every day I have no idea how I got through it. A text book nasty, manipulative narcissist I spent a lifetime avoiding her and only gave up my career and home to care for her out of duty. She broke a hip in the spring and another stroke a couple of months ago knocked the stuffing out of her as she's reasonably pleasant now but, after a lifetime of hell, I have no feeling for her at all. I have a bad cold so I don't have to go visit over Christmas.

Her house sold in May and I've been renovating my new home ever since. These past months I've considered myself to be "in recovery". It's a long road and my hair has been falling out but I'm suddenly starting to feel better, somehow healing from the inside out. It will take time but I will renew and regain my life.

Getting on for 4 a.m. and off to bed with big dog Ash (in my picture), 7, who came to me in April from rescue, and little Sue, inherited from my mother, who sleeps in my bed. I also have 4 cats and a big old goldfish called Ralph. No disrespect but, after what I've been through over my lifetime, I prefer animals to most people.
ok, here's my secret for cheering myself up at Christmas....I am my own Santa Claus. For years and years, I bought hundreds of dollars of stuff for my five nieces, held huge parties at my small apartment to make them happy...now they are all grown and what do they give me?


soooo..now I buy them a token gift (one each!) and spend the rest of my Christmas bonus on....ME! I say the gifts are from my cats (and the dear things are sooo good at getting me just what I want! it's like they can read my mind!).

This year, my mother is here and has done her level best to ruin my Christmas spirit but it hasn't worked yet. I have learned the art of answering her jibs with tart comments:

"You're probably broke after that little shopping spree!" "I worked all year without taking a day off, and I WILL spend it how I want to"

"You better watch your money!" "I have this lovely home and a new car, my bills are all current, I have money in the bank and I WILL spend my money how I choose to."

"You better get a flu shot!" "I don't want one" "You'll DIE!" "Then you'll get the house! It's a win win!"

heads up, H2H..you are in a postition of power..more than you may realize...she has no where to go, so she has to suck it up!

drives her batty but it shuts her up! LOL!
but one other thing...I still have moments when I think about how little love I got from my mother for so long...but I also have come to realize that she didn't give any love because she hates herself so much. It breaks my heart sometimes but I can't fix her and it's too late anyway. She's stuck in this martyr mode and can't get out of it if she tried.

But she does love me in her own way...and I don't doubt that your mother loves you, again, in HER own way. Which may be completely NOT what you want but it is what it is. You can't change her, you can only work on you...I was lucky enough to be able to walk away from my mother for a year, learned I could do without her and CHOSE to come back..not everyone has the chance to get that distance.

wish I had more helpful things to say but...
Christmas day and I've had 4 calls from the NH this afternoon. a) her bed alarm went off and they found her on the floor with a skinned finger, cleaned it up and put her back to bed b) Looks deep so sending her to hospital for stitches c) Is it ok to send her to hospital and I pay for it - send her in a helicopter or on a flying carpet for all I care, I'll pay d) she's been stitched and being sent back to the NH - in exasperation I let that one go to voicemail. There will never be peace.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support