Feeling very depressed about placing dad (89) in a nursing home.
I have never been especially close with my father but I love him. I have helped him financially over the years and made sure he had everything he needed. He is sometimes difficult and has always been very independent. I was diagnosed with a rare cancer 5 years ago and then type 1 diabetes. Dealing with this left little time to see my dad and I didn't want him to know about my illness. My family and I did visit and give money but now I feel terrible that it was not as often as I should of. He has
always been very healthy, but had a sudden decline. He suffered from delirium and then had a seizure and small heart attack in hospital. He was diagnosed with coronary artery disease but can't have a stent because of his health. He was placed in a nursing home for rehab, because now he can't get around. I have cried so much I feel like I am having a break down. I don't think he can be released and will have to go to long term there. He needs 24/7 assistance and we work and can't provide that. He seems not to mind the nursing home because he feels safe there because he isn't alone and receives medical attention. He is very anxious about dying and i he so far likes the medical attention. He is not complaining, it is me that can't bear the thought of him dying there. My mother was at the same nursing home 15 years ago after a large stroke and died there. The memories are terrible. How do people cope with the stress and guilt. I will try to spend all the time I can there and I have being sending different family members to visit so he isn't alone. Any words of advice would be appreciated. I feel like I am sinking into a great depression. I don't have any supportive siblings. I would still like to try to bring home home if he gets mobile, but I am not sure how this will effect my marriage as my husband isn't 100 perfect on board.