My mom has Dementia and is not happy with the family.

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My mom has dementia and we had to take away her car, checking account and now she feels she has nothing and is not even a person anymore. She is in a retirement home and calls me regularly accusing my brothers and sister of being so mean to her and taking her money. She cries all the time when she talks to me and wants me to open a bank acct. with her. I am in a delima, I spoke to my siblings last night and they told my why they took all of her privileges away. My sister is the Power of Attorney and goes to visit her often but since my mom will not let go of the Bank issue she is just lost because my mother talks so mean to her. I trust my siblings and know they are treating my mother fairly with money. My mom did not tell me about some of the money issues she has had in handling her own checking account. How can I get her focused off the Banking Acct/Money issue without hurting her feelings. My mother tells me she is depressed, is on her last nerve or she just wants to give up. My siblings have tried to make her happy but it is just not working. Now I need to talk to my mom and let her know that I am not going to open a bank account with her but I really don't want to her here cry.

My father died of Alzheimers in 2010 and she was the care giver before we had to put him in a nursing home. So she was always in charge of the money in the house.

2 Comments

Dementia is such a cruel disease, isn't it? And those on the outside who haven't seen it up close and personal have no idea how devastating it can be to all concerned.

I am so glad that you and your sibs are trying to work together on this. At least you don't have conflict in that area to deal with.

Of course your poor mom feels like a non-person. Can you imagine how you'd feel if you could no longer drive and no longer manage your own finances? What a blow!

What I did with my husband, on a good day (he has Lewy Body Dementia which fluctuates a lot) I took him to the bank. Together we took his name off our joint checking account, and then opened up a checking account in his name. I see to it that is maintains a very small balance. He can now write a check for his bowling, a haircut, his golf, etc. and this helps him to feel like a grown up person, but it does not put our finances at risk.

Another thing that helped my husband feel more like a "person" is gettin a personal mobility scooter. I thought that the social worker who suggested that was nuts, but it has really proved to be worthwhile. When he was well enough on good days he could go on his own to get his haircut, write a check for it, and stop on his way home for an ice cream cone. Now we use it mostly for things like attending the state or county fairs or visiting the zoo -- activities he couldn't do walking.

Maybe together you and your sibs can come up with ways to give Mom back at least a little of her personhood.

Lord, ths is a cruel disease!
I've got to agree with Jeanne... maybe you could open an account with a very small balance with your mother since its so important to her? Reading what you wrote about how depressed and upset she is, made me feel so badly for her, and for you. It must be so hard.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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