Moderate dementia g-ma staying the night watching her two ADHD grandsons.

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My story: Those of you that know my story(moderate dementia 81 y/o g-ma staying the night "watching" her two ADHD grandsons (eldest 14 y/o also having aspergers), when her psych eval states she is to have 24 hr supervision, or looking at it this way....2 teenage adhd teenage boys (13 y/o and 14 y/o with aspergers) watching their moderate dementia g-ma, every night....would that be neglect or abuse, for them to be left alone with their g-ma who is not mentally competent enough to take care of herself, let alone the boys, or the boys not being mentally mature enough to take care of their g-ma? What would that be considered? If things turn nasty with my employer, who would I contact, as to what is going on in that home? Thanks in advance!!! I appreciate you all!


Were these your children, that you left with your mother?

I don't know your story.

Teenagers left with grandma who has dementia possibly would be neglect, but for her to be left alone without anyone old enough to care for her would be neglect.

What are you anticipating from your employer related to this?

Whose the durable and medical POA for grandma? That's who needs to know what's going on in the home. Next to them, Adult Protective Services and Child Protective Services need to be contacted.

This sounds like a mess. Please tell us more about what is going on?

I see now that you are the nanny for these two teenagers whom your boss, their dad, evidently left with their grandmother who has dementia.

This and the whole situation there does not sound good from what I read.
I suppose that since kids are able to babysit at 12 years old (at least they are where I live) in some twisted way it could be considered that the 13 year old was in charge of the other two. Where the H!!! was the dad all night? It is sad that someone who can afford to pay for help is so totally in denial.
They are NOT my children. They are my boss's two boys....13 and 14, both with ADHD and the eldest with aspergers. Their elderly grandma has moderate dementia and can't even remember what she said two minutes ago, let alone take care of things in an emergency. She has no clue she has dementia. Her son works out of town for 7 days, and I watch them, but on!y for 1 hour in the a.m. to get them off to school and then again in the afternoon from around 3:15 til the children's bedtime at 8:30. After that, idk what goes on. Her psych doctor said she is either to have 24 hr supervision or be p!aced in an assisted living home. Those with the POA(not the son she lives with), know the situation. They are too cheap to pay for 24 hr care that they need, and believe you, me, they can afford it. I'm sick with worry. 😟
So call APS and cps.
I'm trying to get their father to come to his senses and see the light that what he is doing to his family is morally wrong. I've told him like 4 or 5 times that it is unsafe, and he doesn't seem concerned about it, for some reason. The children(the eldest) bully and blame their grandma for everything. She will be watching TV and they will go and start playing videogames, while she is in the middle of watching a program! I gave it to the two of them twice this last time I was there watching them. I had, had enough. Their dad gets home and wants to do "fun" things....skiing, boating in the summer etc. Its just insanity.
He lied to his moms psych doctor, telling her I was "live in". I made him sign a thing that states that I am not now and never was a live in nanny. He didn't tell me about his eldest sons aspergers until about two months ago(I started in April 2014.
What are you waiting for? You've given your employer, the dad, warning that this isn't safe. Time to call call APS and CPS. You are witnessing a serious neglectful situation and you have a moral responsibility to report it (after trying to get it corrected, which you have done).

I am truly sorry that this will impact your employment, but surely with your qualifications you'll be able to quickly find a more satisfying situation.
I'm not sure of your own liability risk as the nanny working there, but I think it would be wise to go ahead and report things to APS and CPS instead of waiting for the father to come around who sounds like he's in deep denial about what his mother needs and what his sons need.
I will speak with him this weekend and tell him that unless he hires me full time(or someone else), I can no longer work for him and I will have no alternative but to report the conditions that are going on in his home.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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