Dementia, end of life and a family torn. Can anyone relate?
My 78 year old mother in law was diagnosed with Pick's Dementia, 3 years ago, it has been truly a slow but steady decline. Recently she has fallen several time in a short span, our caregiver, her also physically declining daughter placed her in the hospital on Tuesday, not telling anyone (I found out at a friends wake and I made the calls to let her sons know, this has been very common place since diagnosed...another issue of its own) on Friday evening all brothers were called out of work that mom was on her death bed, family rushed to hospital to find mom talking, laughing and moving around in bed. A catetered was given for sudden incontinence, no antibiotics, no IV, just incontinence and falling new symptoms. My husbands sister said that the doctor told her there was nothing more they could do for her, apparently Hospice somehow was mentioned. And the calls were made, we sat together with her nurse to be told that she did not see end of life, nor do I ( a long time CNA) or my sister in law (assistant DON at a quality nursing home). After all left room the two of us and nurse had small discussion about how doctor was upset family was called in for this meeting before he had time to talk to all family together. When asked if she believed this was about mom or sister, her look said it all (since she really could not). After doctor and hospice nurse visited, hospice nurse met with her children and said she was not hospice ready, after many objections from sister in law doctors were contacted and she will be placed in hospice care following a 20 day stay at a facility that is not my sister in laws, because our caregiver says we can not afford private care and mom was denied medicare? We un-ethnically know why that is, my husbands sister did not turn in bank statements because "that is private business..." It feels to the rest of us that is is about her not being able to or wanting to care for mom any longer but she will not "allow" her to come to anyone else's home...considering seeking guardianship, fearing tearing family apart, confused and crying...wondering if anyone else has been though anything similar or has any thoughts if this just us not ready to the end?