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My parents moved in with me 3 years ago - and few months ago I moved them to assisted living. During the 3 years that they were with me, I had to rely on my son and DIL to handle our family business. Lots of doctors, hospitals, rehab, tests and physical therapy for my parents. I was never at our business, never with my grandchildren and always taking care of my parents. Three months ago, my DIL filed for divorce from my son. I am convinced that part of the issue was the heavy workload my son and DIL had to absorb for me. I had hoped that by moving my parents into assisted living, it would be less stressful for everyone.
It has reduced some of the stress of the day by day issues - but there are still lots of doctors, labs, etc. If I could make rewind the last three years, I would have never moved my parents into my home and would have started with a retirement community or assisted living. I thought about the impact on myself by moving them into my home, I didn't realize the impact on the rest of my family.

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My father lived with me and my long term boyfriend off and on for 4 years after he suffered a stroke. When he wasn't with us he was in a nursing home. My boyfriend of 7 yrs moved out twice. He came back after 2 mths the first time. He moved out 4 mths ago and dad died 6 wks ago. I think the stress was to much for him. We had financial problems due to me not working outside the home when I cared for dad. My dad did contribute some to the household expenses when I cared for him. Dad would be admitted to a nursing home for a few mths and I couldn't find a job during the times he was gone. My boyfriend was all about paying all bills when due and without my income it became difficult to do. My dad was also angry and violent 4 times and police/rescue came to take him to the hospital. It always scared me and made me frustrated that dad could be so mean to me. I just think it was to much for my boyfriend. He rarely went with me to the nursing home or the hospital to see dad. So dads gone and my boyfriend is too. But I'm dealing with it day by day.
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BurnedOut I only hope you're not feeling guilty about the choices you made. You made them with the best of intentions with the information you had at the time. We all learn from our mistakes and our successes. Hindsight is always 20/20. I hope you and your family can find some peace and resolution with the care of your parents.
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