Mom has become more and more verbally abusive towards just me.

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I live with my 86 year old mother who is practically wheelchair bound. She is at the point where I cannot work because she cannot stay by herself. She has always been controlling and we had to walk on eggshells around her. Lately, she has become verbally abusive more and more. I try to get up and move to another room but she follows me. I am the only one she does this too please help me

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My mother is very mean and recalls only my past bad behavior. I sit and take it but it has a lasting affect. She has broken my heart this time and at 90 I want to always recall the pleasant memories with her. I am lucky to have two brothers who she especially likes, the oldest is her caretaker. She simply dislikes her daughters who are a big disappointment. Thanks for listening, I will try t let it roll off my back but three days after the last attack it still is very painful.
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OK, The Queen arrived ! But so did alot of company BUT I went to bed anyway , I could here every one laughing & having a good time. I didn't want to be bothered (I was exhausted ) after 4 hrs. She came in my room & said I am leaving . I said ok well she left the same time the company did. So mom was in a good mood & every one had a good time while I needed my rest. . So the QUEEN ate & drank & was merry. well at leat I got a nap... That was Satirday Haven't heard from her since. I will keep u posted !
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well I demanded the Queen (my older sister ) to come over & give me a break ! It is now 10:30am & she hasn't even called. I took mom to the bathroom.& she wanted a laxitive (hospice gave her ) BUT I told her it wouldn't work right away. then she says God dammit why r u so nasty to me? I don't know why u r saying that! then she says I have chased eveyone away because of my nastiness. I tried to bite my tounge. But I said u know what mom noone is here because they don't want to deal with this. NOT BECAUSE OF ME. do u think they would turn on ur blanket & make sure u get in a warm bed every night ? Do u think thwy would give u a shower & make sure ur oxy. is on untill u have to slip a shirt on NO because they don't know how & I don't deserve this (abuse from u. Every ine has scattered except me. If & when the QUEEN does come I am leaving overnight. I started to fill her pill box so she wouldn;t miss any. & mom says OH NOW UR TAKING MY PILLS FROM ME ( how rotten can u be) I said we'll see how it is later becaus I need to go home! just for the day & maybe overnight (than she really got upset ) I said lets see if u abuse the Queen & see if she makes sure u get in a warm bed or fixis u a snck at ten . by the way mom woke up with a coughing spell & wanted to go in the living room at 2:00 am this morning sooo we did . lets see if the queen will do that. I have done nothing BUT give u everything I possiably can & u act like u hate me. (u never know what u got till it's gone ! So I am gone & than maybe u will see what u've had.!
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Thanks for all the (GREAT) coments & sugestions I have learned alot through this site. I LOVE IT . & when the QUEEN does come I am going to bed. !!!! Let's just see how it goes. I"ll let you know !
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BS0123- did you ask your doctor if you should be bathing MIL at this point? It doesn't sound like a good idea, to me. I just has total knee replacement Dec 3rd. Joint replacements are not easy. Has hubby ever done it? I would tell him for at least 2 more weeks, you should not be doing it, and he will need to step in. He might not find it so funny then.
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Good for you. I hope it works. At least the issue is out in the table now. Sometimes being direct is the only thing that does work. Yes, she can learn about your mum's needs, and she should. Time she stepped up to the plate a bit! High five to you!!!!
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I recently wrote about the (queen coming to (visit ) ) MY OLDER SISTER ! & that is what she does (VISIT) A good Friend gave me some good advice. Here it is. Mom woke up at 3:00 rarin to go. But not making sense. So I called the (QUEEN) my older sister at 3:30 am (knowing she was getting a good night sleep) heheh! I did not ask her I TOLD her ( what time can u be here so I can catch a nap)usually I ask , & she says I don;t know ! well she was shocked . So she say oookay I can come tomorrow! If mom wakes up at 3:00 tomorrow I am going to do the (SAME THING) don't ask TELL THEM (ASKING GIVES THEM A WAY OUT. (what a great sugesstion & friend) it worked. I am soooo looking forward to a day of rest ! The only problem is (the queen is not familliar with moms needs (BUT SHE'S GOING TO LEARN) oh by the way the queen only lives 20 minutes from mom so its not like she has to travel. !
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My MIL has vascular dementia is a maximum assist. We have a caregiver in the am for 4 1/2 hrs but I'm still stuck at home after she leaves. I just had total hip replacement nov. 27. My main problem is that my MIL is VERY combative just to change and bathe her. She hits and kicks and makes herself stiff as a board and seems like she turns to stone and weighs 300 lbs! (She only weights 125). This is every single day with me and the caregiver, its such a strain every morning. My husband seems to think its funny but we don't! Very frustrating.
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Tanner, I know how this must drive you crazy. My brother comes here and he does nothing but takes her out to eat every now and then but usually it is me that fixes lunch. After he leaves my mother is all but gushing about how his visit was sooooo great. I am the one that does all the bad stuff and is hard to love with. I just want to scream and tell everyone what is really going on. My friends know and a couple of my mother's freinds know but it is still hard. To make myself feel better I am going to take a long bath is water that so hot it will be like a sauna with lots of bubbles. By the way, i get this bubble bath that has eucalytpis and speramint in it and it makes me feel relaxed. try it, it might help. take care.
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correction - I should have written that I avoid my sis as much as I can, mother welcomes her company
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