Mom has become more and more verbally abusive towards just me.

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I live with my 86 year old mother who is practically wheelchair bound. She is at the point where I cannot work because she cannot stay by herself. She has always been controlling and we had to walk on eggshells around her. Lately, she has become verbally abusive more and more. I try to get up and move to another room but she follows me. I am the only one she does this too please help me


My mother, 83, mild to moderate dementia with pulmonary fibrosis, is the same with me since I am her guardian. She is not as mean with my sister who also helps care for her. She was prescribed Ativan for anxiety three times a day and is much better. I know it is he'll giving up your life and feeling unappreciated. My mother does tell me now how much I mean to her. - now that her emotions are under control. She sees a psychiatrist and has a visiting nurse.
Dear Lavender123,

There are some excellent adult daycare facilities around. My mother goes 2 days/week for 6hrs each day. This facility has a program for dementia and non-dementia patients. Patients can go as much as 5 days/week. My mother is in the dementia program and we were surprised at how well she did since she is very introverted. Your mother may be extremely bored and frustrated. She has no freedom and you're the closest target to take it out on.

Schedule appointments to visit a few of these programs with your mom. She will probably be mad that you're doing this but stick to your guns and don't react to her protests. It's necessary for both of you for a better life balance. The quality of these programs vary and some can be pretty depressing so don't give up. We found a really good one. The folks do arts and crafts, sing, play games, have lunch and there's a place to rest if they become exhausted. My mom tends to sleep a lot when home but when she's there, the staff says she does fine.

If your mom is on medicaid, I believe it's covered. We need to pay because my mom's income is too high but it's well worth it. You do not have to live this way. These programs are there to help the patient AND caregiver.
My Dad has always been verbally abusive but it's really gotten a lot worse lately. He sees a psychiatrist and a psychologist. We told the psychiatrist about how agitated Dad seems these days. She prescribed Lamictal to help calm him down. It may be helping but he's only been on it for a couple of weeks so might be too soon to tell.

It's possible that your Mom will benefit from a Dr's visit. Her Dr may help with getting to the bottom of what changes she is going through and prescribe something for the symptoms.
My mom isn't abusive in an obvious way, but she certainly can make me feel awful, and finds fault with most of the things I say. If my husband says something, she accepts it. If I do, it's challenged or she gets annoyed by it or feels defensive and makes that very clear. You have to try to let that roll off your back - it's not easy, but they have fewer "filters" than they had 10, 20, 30 years ago. With or without dementia, older people just seem to take a "Heck with it, I'm saying whatever I want" attitude. If there's even a trace of resentment, perhaps because you're the caretaker and they hate needing one, it comes out. Hang in there!!!
My Mom is verbally abusive and controlling, too. She also refuses to see her doctor for any medication that might improve her mood (and behavior). The only option is, as laurie1261 says, is to let it roll off your back. When you're tired or stressed, it can be really difficult. Try taking a time out outside the house!
Its good to know that other people have the same stressors. I have two ADHD teens too. So they tend to run on the irritable side too. I walk on eggshells, have no privacy. Id like to put all of them in a daycare so I have downtime. If I take four hours out of my day for ME, I get calls from her and calls from them. Where are you?? Like hey, Im an adult, if you guys arent bleeding or in danger, you have a household full of food, one of my "kids" will be 19 soon the other one 17 soon. Help each other! I finally get a little respite from the one who will make grandma a TV dinner when I am out. If I am out a long time, like more than 4 hours I have a real adult come and take over. As its not their job to care for grandma, although caring for her is letting her dog out and fixing her something to eat, not too hard. But she is abusive to me and likes to split. Hey shes been splitting and manipulating for 90 plus years, why stop now? I know it is hard to hear the ugly words. But you will come out on the other side ok..just make some time for yourself. I did not until this year. I felt like I was breaking down. I was also not going to be good for anyone either.
Oh and my mother follows me, in the bathroom even. lol, she asks me what I am doing constantly and goes room to room. These are the times I regret my small house! lol
Specializing in dementia, it is critical to understand the neurobehavioral changes that occur with some dementias. It is also possible that although you are in pain and it worsens, the patient may not recall the episode and knowing that in the research is a start. Janet Gilbert, MS, CCC-SLP
What is with the following around? It drives me mad!! My Mother who used to be the most independent woman that I know follows me around like a puppy now. The 2 things that are really frustrating to me are the staring and the following around. Oh yeah the pacing outside of my bathroom or room when the doors are closed. It is so ironic because as a child I just craved her attention and it was very difficult to get as she "had things to do". Now it has totally reversed. When it is a toddler who does these behaviors it is at least cute. Patience - blessings to all.
You are right hadenough, my mother left me with my grandma and went out to get her hair done every week for HOURS. I would have loved to bake cookies with her and spend time with her. I spent ALOT of time with my kids when they were growing up though. She missed out on all the joy of ME! Now my kids die at spending time with mom, and she wants to crawl inside my skin, cant sleep in daytime even if I am sick. or go out very much. Its like having a very ugly creepy

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