Stepchildren coming! Stress time.

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My husband has Alzheimer's and his children have never done anything for him. We live in the South and they in the NW. We were in Or. this October, but they didn't both to come- they were busy. I have witnessed their agenda about what they can get Dad to sign before they leave. They "informed" me that they would be here for 6 days - didn't ask but he sleeps most of the time and my health is not all that good. They said they were coming to help - It simply is not true, because there is nothing they can help with. I was told by my Christian counselor to not let them stay in the house. (They already said we are staying with you). I have lived here for 42 years and have only been married to their father for 8 of those years. We knew each other since 56 when he was in the military. It is difficult for me to tell them no, you can't stay here. But I have made arrangements for them to stay in a nice (very nice) motel. Stressed out - with dealing with my sweet husband's illness and his ungrateful kids. Pray for me. Thanks.


My heart goes out to you. These kinds of conflicts can be so stressful.

I am very glad you have arranged accommodations for the kids. Your job now is to take care of your husband and yourself. You don't need houseguests to take care of, even houseguests who are there to "help."

Do you already have POA for your husband? Whether you do or not, I suggest you insist on being present when the kids are with Dad, and that you are aware of what they want him to sign. Perhaps some of what they want is perfectly reasonable, and if it is they should have no objections to you reading it. I'd be very cautious if I were you.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this on top of the dreadful disease.
Nicepeach, good for you setting boundries!!!!!!! Prayers are on their way. I do hope everything works out for you.
Prayers to you! I agree, it is good you are standing by your boundaries. I hope the visit ends up going well for you all. Blessings.
NicePeach, do you have legal guardianship on your husband? It seems the kids are up to something and will do their best to have him sign whatever paper it is. Do you have a close friend who can be there with you while the kids are visiting? This way, if one of them distracts You, your friend will be able to either do what their trying to distract you to do, or your friend can stay and read/watch the 2nd sibling is doing with their father. I think this is a very, very good time to ask friends over for support. I hope their visits is "innocent" as they make it sound. Please keep us updated.

You don't need to start a new thread. You can always come back here and update us on the latest news of yours and hubby's life. And we will follow you and your journey. HUGS!!! book
I agree with what the other commenters have said. Unfortunately you CANNOT afford to be the least bit lenient or naive when dealing with relatives with less-than-honorable motives. The saying that has repeated over and over in my head the past two years as I struggle to maintain familial relationships and protect my disabled grandmother and disabled father from them at the same time is: "Be as wise as a serpent and as harmless as a dove." I really DO understand the difficulties you're facing and my best tip for you is to go through the probate courts in your area and obtain legal guardianship of your husband. This will allow you and only you to make decisions regarding his health, his location, etc. I don't know if its the same where you are, but in Chicago you have to obtain a letter from your husband's physician (here its called form CCP-211, its the court document the doctor has to fill out) describing why your husband is disabled and needs guardianship. Then you file for guardianship with the court and take them the letter. Here in Chicago you can do this "pro se", meaning you do not need an attorney to represent you. If you want to keep things simple and you don't mind spending the money, for $500 (in my opinion) you should be able to hire an attorney to help you complete the process. Best wishes and good luck!

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