I could use some help dealing with my siblings' inattention to our parents.

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My sibling frequently says he/she is going to visit our parents (about two hours away) and continually disappoints them by not going. I realize things get in the way, but I feel so badly for my parents. I live out of state and when I go, it is not always on the holidays, but I stay for a significant amount of time. Am usually there four to six weeks a year.


Bless you for visiting your parents. The sad truth is your siblings are not going to do anymore than they do now. You have probably tried to talk to them about this and, as you say, things get in the way. Yes they do, unless you put your parents as a priority. Your siblings don't do that and, honestly, it's either in their DNA to care or it isn't. Sounds like the ball is in your court. Give that very careful consideration. Your life will change drastically if you move them to your area or home. It's the pitts to be in your situation. Love and best wishes, Cattails.
I'm so sorry AnnieO. I wish I could offer you some advice but from what I've seen this is a problem that seems to never get resolved in many cases. My cousin went through it without her sibling when both her parents become nursing home bound. A friend of mine is going through it with her parent. It's like all of a sudden you become an only child. In my situation, I AM an only child. I dont' have any brothers or sisters or any family nearby. I used to think "wow wouldn't it be great to have siblings" to offer respite but after seeing and hearing how it always falls to one -- I'm glad I don't have THAT to add to the list of caregiver woes. Just know that YOU are doing the right thing and that's all you can do.
Both of my parents are 90 and living on their own. They both are in stages of dementia my mother is advanced. My dad tries his best to take care of her and the house and garden. My dad has been told by my brother (younger by 10 yerars) for years that I am "too emotional) to handle affairs for years.. I am very stable and very educated compared to him. And yes, I am emotional when it comes to my mom and dad and aunt who use to live with them because they were the three most important people to me. I took care of them for the last 25 years while he did nothing.but let them baby sit. When my aunt got sick, he took over her estate. He since then has taken close to 30 thousand from my dad's monies saying "I can't get into aunty's estate" for her nursing home. My dad refuses to
believe he is being financially abused. My brother refuses to talk to me and
tell me where all my aunt's income is going. In the meantime, he expects my 90 year old dad to "drive and go buy food " for my mom. My dad, being a very proud man, truly believes he is capable. My brother rarely visits all of these old people but to get/handle monies, or hide documents from me/ or them. In the meantime,
my immeidate family uses our funds to make sure their needs are met. We worry constantly that they have enough food to eat because when we look their fridge is empty. It is very straining on our budget because my brother "handles"my mom and dad purse strings and their "mind", confidence, and trust. He did not even visit them on mothers and father's day ) actually for the last 25 holidays which we celebrated with them. I sometimes try to pull away because of frustration but end up dutifully doing what I always did and following through. I t frustrates my husband who feels we are not apreciated nor trusted by my demented parents and used by my brother. It is very hard because I visit my parents because I am worried and I know their time on earth is limited. Yet every visit leaves me frustrated and takes me days to recover from. The agitation I feel for my brother who chooses to ignore me and my existence is undescribable.
I am sorry Annie, I forgot all about you when I vented about my brother and situation.
Yes, you must hurt when your sibling does not visit your parents. Sometimes it
hurts because you know your parents love for the isibling is unconditional like the love I see my parents have for my brother. Just keep on loving your parent as you do now with respect and empahty. I try to do that to my mom and dad so I can know in my heart their last years were filled with positive memories of me.

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