I'm having trouble dealing with my demented Mom and Dad.

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I recently moved in with my parents due to my Mom's dementia and my Dad's decrease in mental status and disabilities. My Mom is very adamant that there is nothing wrong with her, yet she will call the police, and has done so several times in the past few months, to tell them she cannot set her thermostat or someone is "singing in her front yard" or "someone is spraying something in my yard". She has also gone outside in the dead of night in the Winter to see what the neighbors are doing and is constantly saying "they" meaning her neighbors are trying to take her property away from her. She says she talks to people living in her roof and argues with them to go away. Lots of times I will hear her talking to them but no one is there. One day she asked if I wanted to invite the people from inside the roof to eat dinner with us. She is capable of completing daily activities and her crazy PCP gave her an alzhiemers test which she did pass.The only real family around are my half brother who is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and on medication and his wife who works in a doctor's office. My other half brother lives 1,000 miles away but has a son near here who is constantly here bribing my Mom out of money or anything else he needs. He recently got out of jail for the third time this past August and at 35 years old, refuses to work. He is also angry that I am living here because I think he wanted to move in here so Mom and Dad could support him. He has already threatened to "put a bullet in your head" and I am in the process of getting help to deal with that problem, but my Mom is in denial about him and thinks she has to do everything he asks. The nephew is totally aware of her mental condition and I guess uses that to his advantage. Mom refuses to see a doctor so I am in the process of contacting the Courts for conservatorship. I am 63 yrs old and trying to get into full remission for ovarian cancer, so all this is totally stressful. This is why I joined this website and I am so thankful for everyone here and have learned a lot already.


Penny, you are in such a hard predicament. I wondered if your mother might be having small strokes that are causing her behavior. She would still be able to pass the lesser cognitive exams, because the areas of the brain affected wouldn't interfere with the ability to remember lists or draw clocks. I also wondered, since your half brother is schizophrenic, if it may be an exacerbation of schizotypal personality. Is he related on your mother's side of the family? Whatever it is, I know it is hard to handle. Many of us are in the same crazy boat.

Sometimes our brothers get by with doing and saying things because there are no repercussions. If your brother threatens your life, it is assault and is prosecutable. If you feel endangered, please call the police and report it. You should not have to tolerate this because your parents feel that your brother should be able to do as he pleases without repercussion. I have the feeling you could tell us some stories of your childhood. There is a thread on Dysfunctional Families in the discussion section. It is rather long and hard to read through, but you can always post to the end. There are many children of dysfunctional parents here.

It sounds like a good choice to get guardianship or conservatorship. I know it will be a hassle, but your situation is a rather difficult one.
Hi Penny - Wow - that is all I can say. If you hang around this website you and find some solutions to the problems we as caregivers face everyday. I think you may need the courts to help you with POA or look into becoming a conservator for your Mother and possibly Father. I don't know if there are funds available but an attorney would be really helpful. That protects the assets but there is still the problem of 24/7 care that you will be giving. Your Mother is hallucinating! Tell your Mothers crazy PCP that you need to see a specialist. She needs to see a neurologist. Someone who knows what they are doing with testing and maybe start on some Aricept or Namenda - those are the drugs that can slow down Alzheimers - a little bit. Your Mom is not going to admit that something is wrong, possibly she does not even think anything is wrong. People on the roof?? I do not think there is anything wrong with a few little white lies to get our loved ones to the doctor. My Mom would happily go to the doctor if it is about some of her physical complaints - but for her memory!! No way because "there is nothing wrong with my memory, it is your memory that is bad." So I just tell her it is about her knee or whatever. Many hugs -
Look for help to help you with your parents so they can stay in the home. You cannot do help them by yourself. Please take care of yourself so you can take care of your parents. My heart go out to you. Stay strong
Please go at once and get an order of protection to keep your nephew out of the house and away from you and your parents. While that, in & of itself won't protect you or your parents, it will put him on notice that he is being watched. Is he on parole or probation? He may not want to go back to jail. Let the neighbors know what is going on so they can call you or the police if he is seen in the neighborhood. Your mother does not have to know about all of this. Sometimes to protect our parents we can't tell them all that is going on. Please be careful.

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