Follow
Share

So, I get home from work around 11 p.m. last night. Mom who is 79 but very healthy AND able bodied started to complain, mope, whine..."starts in on ME about how DISH Network took off 'HER' Channel 5 so now SHE cant get Dr.Phil at 4 p.m. every day and for me ( in a barking ordering tone...) "You have to check your tv and see if YOU can get that channel, etc, etc, complain, whine, whine, it everyone elses fault....and WHY cant she have Dr. Phil, blah, blah, blah....." I told her and tried to explain that I have DISH TV also, so MY tv isn't gonna be any different." She says that "Well, YOU got my show last time, WHY cant YOU (barking getting worse now)....get it this time?" (She was really mad now)...
The last time she didn't get to watch her show, she bitched about it ALL darned day! At that time just to get her to shut up, cause I was so tired of listening to her that I was dumb enough to get on You Tube and pull up the episode. Once she watched it she was fine. I told her my computer was NOT a TV (she doesn't need to know that I can get some news on it just like everyone elses computers today ). I do not plan on telling her that. She is terrified of tvs and with a brand new computer only 4 weeks old, I do NOT want her to touch it, and she wouldn't anyway) She is NOT computer friendly)...She refuses to take any classes to learn, and she has embarrassed the hell outta me when I have had to buy her that microwave, and then getting a new printer....as far as the new printer, we went to Best Buy (employees were friendly and I was TRYING in vain to talk to the computer guy about the features of one type of printer vs the others so I could see WHICH printer was a 4 in one that was compatible with Windows 10. She didn't understand any of it, she kept interrupting me and the salesman, she got frustrated yet again, and grabbed the printer that was THEE cheapest...I tried to explain to her that we need or rather I need to talk to this nice man who is TRYING to help us decide WHICH printer TO get, cause cheaper isn't always going to be better. She totally embarrassed me. I don't even want to go anywhere IN public with her because of her behavior anymore and how she treats salespeople....I then told her again that I NEED T TALK TO THIS NICE MAN"!!!! She then said "I am leaving"! (well, I DID drive, and the car was locked, so I don't know where she thought she was going??' I let her make her scene, she then stomped off to who knows where....I did not chase her. I then apologized to the man several times, and told him that she has a severe mental illness, narsisitic personality disorder, there is NO treatment for it and she does this all the time, and that I am to the point that I don't want to take her anywhere. He was very nice about it (thank god). (she also did this to me when I was in 8th grade, she was mad about who knows what, she stomped into my school, went into the office, demanded to know where I was, she stomped INTO my classroom, and proceeded to scream at me, made yet another scene, and the look on my classmates faces was sheer horror and they all were like "THAT IS YOUR MOM"? I will never forget that...she then extracted me from my class, and took me home, and yelled at me the rest of the night). Her making a scene in public has never stopped.
She came into my work (I work retail for now) a few days ago, and started in on how "it was everyone else's fault...." I was about in tears when she left.
The last thing my late father ever said to her right before he left and divorced her was "You are going to become a very lonely and bitter old woman". BTW, she never lets a day pass that she is bashing him or her mother. Never stops.
I remind her that dad isn't even HERE to defend herself, and that my brother IS dead, her only other child has gone total NO contact, and she only has one shot left with me....she has grandkids and a few great grandchildren that she has never seen, and there is a reason WHY. I remind her that No one even came over for the holidays because she is sooooo negative. She thinks "friends" that she has waste their time on their families, and they should all be single and get rid of their kids, etc, so they can be free to do what they want (her words exactly). personally, I think she IS jealous of them, but she wont admit it. She also watches that I.D. channel 192 on DISH 24/7. That negative content really bothers me and there has got to be some other psychiatric condition she has as well because she likes to see bloody, gory true crime shows, likes the content, crime scene photos, etc,. THAT stuff really bothers me cause it is so negative and I don't like to see that stuff...(people getting murdered, etc). I told her to watch something MORE positive as we have enough hatred and greed in the world everyday. Her reply was that there was NOTHING wrong with it, and she always liked that content. I have my own TV but I never really watch it except for the horse chanell.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing

20 Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First
@Jessie...Wow. Man O' War's sire was a horse named 'Fairplay'. ....Fairplay is the 3rd great grandsire of Secretariat. Gives me chills just knowing that I have been entrusted in this life to take care of this animal. My guy however was about 200 lbs UNDERweight when I found him, and had abcesses on his front ankles from being kept (by the prior owner) all by himself in a hard gravel only 'corrall' with NO shed or cover to get out of the weather...The sores were from him being to 'afraid' to lay down to sleep cause there were no other horses in there with him. He was 'owned' by a teenager if that says anything....They NEED to be around the rest of the herd, as the others will act as sentries while some or all of the herd rests and sleeps. Kinda like soldiers at guard duty. So, he would start to fall asleep, pitch forward and hit that hard ground, causing severe sores. He still to this day does the dirt dives, because unfortunately he 'conditioned' himself to do that due to being too insecure to rest. He IS with herdmates now, and he has a beautiful stall and I give him as much DEEP bedding as possible in his stall and in his 'yard' to try to let him know that it IS okay to lay down. and he has stall mats under that deep bedding in his stall. He is all healed and healthy now but on occasion I do have to put his ankle covers on. He gained so much weight that he has cellulite on his rib cage...haha...the vet told me it is okay to take him off the supplements but I still give him the ones that he needs as he IS a senior. The vet checked him when I first got him and asked what feed I stared him on, supplement, etc,. I told him, and he said "HOW in the world did YOU know what he needed cause THAT is exactly what I was going to recommend? I said I didn't know, but I just had a 'vibe'....He did recommend an iron supplement which I started him on after the bloodwork was done by him...we kept him on that thru the winter. He no longer needs it. His iron is fine. He will always have calluses though. When I found him, he had the look on his face that no one cared...Well, I did. Funny thing about this whole situation is that THIS is the exact horse I always drew as a child....All the naysayers said I would never have one, much less be involved with horses. I grw up overseas and due to a very abusive 4th grade teacher, I always skiped school, went over to the Gypsy camp and hung out at the stables...they didn't mind, and my mom and I would rent horses from them on weekends ocassionally while Dad would drink beer in their 'Bar'...So, either way, they WERE making $ off of us, so that is why they never messed with me when I skipped school. They really were okay people, and they just wanted to be left alone by the gov't.
(0)
Report
The two horses who are on my bedroom wall are Man O'War and Secretariat. Love those Big Reds. I have their Fred Stone plates mounted in frames. They are two things that made it with me when I came to my parents. I left almost everything else with the ex.
(1)
Report
Arrgh, that horse is a riot! Yes, many times I have watched films of Secretariat, and the documentary showing him after his retirement. What you said, about no one owns a horse ! ! !
Don't they say that about cats too?
(0)
Report
So good. Go to the barn. You are lucky to have a fine horse. This does not mean you ha e to listen to constant nagging my your mother. As I said, make it clear other that you appreciate her help, but you are reciprocating as well. As long as you allow her to treat you badly, she wiill.
My mom lives far away from me. (She no ex if her own volition to be more physically comfortable in a warmer climate as she is disabled). Hardly a co versatile passes without her making an I sensitive comment towards me. I don't care and neither should you. Just do your best and ignore the rest. There is no sense in arguing with a bitter person. Enjoy your horse and your life.
(1)
Report
@Sendme2help....He is a 'Solid Appaloosa' gelding. I did not know his lineage before I got him but I found out a year ago that he is directly related to Man O' War AND Secretariat; thru the grandsire...guess that's where he gets his color? I have a video of my guy romping thru the snow last winter, and I can see the relation to Secretariat in him...did you ever see the last footage filmed of Secretariat? Gave me chills when they showed him romping in his paddock cause my guy looked just like that running through that thick slushy snow. He has more heart than any horse I ever had the honor of being a steward of...He always give me way more than I ask him to do. I never call myself an "owner" cause NO ONE can "own" these majestic creatures. He is boarded at a private boarding facility. Yes, not only did he knock over that chair, he also threw the bucket into the aisle after grabbing it with his teeth,and he was caught in the act. Another horse had taught him to grab EVERYTHING within his reach and then some, but to toss it as far into the aisle as possible. He grabbed the bucket and kept swinging it for an hour, then he tossed it, then he grabbed the chair, and that went too. That other horse also taught him how to unzip and zip up parka jacket zippers. We call that the "Zipper Game". This is why the barn is my emotional retreat. :)
(1)
Report
I wish you luck in getting your business off the ground. BTW, I would ask her to stop yelling at you like an animal and explain to her that you appreciate her hospitality and that you hope she appreciates the good things she does for you. Let her know you are aware if her wish to be alone and that as soon as it become an economic reality for you, she will not have to sleek with you any more and she can have the whole place to herself. Meantime you do pay some if the bills and would she kindly act more considerate toward you. Then go into another room and close the door.
She sounds impossible. My mom has many similar characteristics. Very hot and cold, with a random mean streak. She is unwell. At least your mother is able bodied.
Make it clear that you expect to be treated with respect and you will do the same for her. Create boundaries so you will not go insane arguing with a person with this type of temperament. When she starts to act irrationally - disengage. Walk away. Go to the bathroom. Tune it out. Go for a walk. Go get the mail. Go to the gym. Catch my drift?
Good Luck
(2)
Report
@horsey, never thought of this before, and it is late before bed, so please excuse me in advance, please don't take offense, because none is intended.
What would happen if you changed your screen name to something all light, fun, or having to do with your horse? There is a really good person on AC who has a golden horse, so she calls herself 'Golden'. I am thinking, venting is great, we even have a communal 'Whine' thread where we all complain. As a helpful technique, changing your name so it does not reflect how you feel now, but how great you will be feeling once you have been on here awhile. (Wish I had thought of that early-on, because Sendme2help just no longer fits who I am) I am no longer wanting to be sent out to help others, as I am sometimes just surviving! Pick a happy, positive name, ask someone how to change your name, that will help you to remain strong in this very difficult situation. You may need help to stay and survive, or help and advice on how to get away. Of course, this is only a new idea and you need not change anything about yourself. This idea comes from thd concept 'fake it til you make it'. And don't worry, I will learn how to spell your name! When the screen name changes, the thread and posts all remain the same.
You should have been here when everyone was changing their names just last year.
Think on it. This took so long to post, you might have gone to bed? Talk later!
You were very wise to join this forum, hoping it helps you and you keep posting!
(0)
Report
Where do you keep your horse? Does it live with you? Your avatar-the horse looks like it kicked over the chair, lol. What kind of horse is it?
(0)
Report
@Sendme...THANK YOU. I TRY to NOT be like her. The horse IS my therapy, but I haven't been able to see him in 2 days due to severe snowstorm...:( So, the effect of winter is depressing. I will be fine though.
(1)
Report
Just hope you are nothing like your mother! Encourage yourself this way:
"I am not my mother, I am not my mother, I am not going to be like my mother."

.
(1)
Report
I am in the process of starting up my own business, and I am getting customers slowly, but it just takes a little time. As soon as the finances are much better for me, I am soooooo outta here.
(1)
Report
The last words my late dad said to her when he divorced her was "You're going to die a VERY lonely, bitter and old woman."......(dad WAS right) Brother died in 05, Dad passed in 08, and sis is NO contact. I AM the only thing she has left. At least I can go and hang out at the barn and ride. THAT is my one escape from her BS. And even though I make poo for wages right now, I refuse to give up the horse, as he IS the only emotional and mental therapy that I have to get away from her and regroup as I need to.
(0)
Report
Cant do a room mate...Had one back in UT. He was the ultimate room mate from Hell.
(0)
Report
This is a difficult mental illness to deal with; perhaps you can consider finding a room mate to share expenses and make other living arrangements. Whew, I thought my very elderly mother was a handful, but I don't see how you manage.
(1)
Report
I feel for you! Vent away...I'm sorry you've had to deal with this your whole life.
(1)
Report
She CANNOT do "tech stuff"....I have to live with her cause I only make 800 a month after taxes...She IS narcissistic. She HAS been diagnosed. I am just frustrated as hell right now and need to vent. She is pissed at DISH network and taking it out on me.
(2)
Report
BTW, if your mother uses the programming mode, you can program the channels in. Mine puts the channel number in directly, which makes it easier for me. Programming is a bit of a pain.
(0)
Report
That is horrible what she does. One word of advice is to not criticize her to her face, but to speak calmly. Like if she says she's leaving, then say you'll meet her at the car when she's finished. Or say that if she'll hold on, you can go get some lunch. IOW, you have to become the good parent to herself and to you.The salesman didn't really need to know your mother's history. Maybe and shrug and a "Mothers! What do you do?" would have said it all. We all have mothers, so know what that means.

I know you need to be with her right now. I think about her being an old, willful mare who is intent on having her way. You would be surprised what some kind words, carrot bits, or peppermint balls can do to win a horse's favor. It is the same with people.

Maybe you could leave her at home when it comes time for tech stuff, then take her when you go places where she is competent. I don't know what that is, but I know you'll know what her talents are. She can feel like she's the expert in those places.

The cable/satellite people will drive us crazy periodically. Every now and then we have a shuffling of the channels after the stations bid for placement on the lineup. When that happens, I locate my mother's favorite channels and make her a list so she can dial the right channel in. She learns the list fairly quickly, so it works. (It would be so much worse if she had Alz, instead of VaD.) The channel shuffling they do makes me realize that the world is not in tune with the needs of the elderly.
(1)
Report
If she's healthy and able bodied why is she living with you?
(2)
Report
Has you mother ever had treatment for her mental illness? It seems that she needs a thorough work-up with a psychiatrist and some medications.
(1)
Report
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter