Dealing with a very crabby narcissistic Mother today...

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So, I get home from work around 11 p.m. last night. Mom who is 79 but very healthy AND able bodied started to complain, mope, whine..."starts in on ME about how DISH Network took off 'HER' Channel 5 so now SHE cant get Dr.Phil at 4 p.m. every day and for me ( in a barking ordering tone...) "You have to check your tv and see if YOU can get that channel, etc, etc, complain, whine, whine, it everyone elses fault....and WHY cant she have Dr. Phil, blah, blah, blah....." I told her and tried to explain that I have DISH TV also, so MY tv isn't gonna be any different." She says that "Well, YOU got my show last time, WHY cant YOU (barking getting worse now)....get it this time?" (She was really mad now)...
The last time she didn't get to watch her show, she bitched about it ALL darned day! At that time just to get her to shut up, cause I was so tired of listening to her that I was dumb enough to get on You Tube and pull up the episode. Once she watched it she was fine. I told her my computer was NOT a TV (she doesn't need to know that I can get some news on it just like everyone elses computers today ). I do not plan on telling her that. She is terrified of tvs and with a brand new computer only 4 weeks old, I do NOT want her to touch it, and she wouldn't anyway) She is NOT computer friendly)...She refuses to take any classes to learn, and she has embarrassed the hell outta me when I have had to buy her that microwave, and then getting a new printer....as far as the new printer, we went to Best Buy (employees were friendly and I was TRYING in vain to talk to the computer guy about the features of one type of printer vs the others so I could see WHICH printer was a 4 in one that was compatible with Windows 10. She didn't understand any of it, she kept interrupting me and the salesman, she got frustrated yet again, and grabbed the printer that was THEE cheapest...I tried to explain to her that we need or rather I need to talk to this nice man who is TRYING to help us decide WHICH printer TO get, cause cheaper isn't always going to be better. She totally embarrassed me. I don't even want to go anywhere IN public with her because of her behavior anymore and how she treats salespeople....I then told her again that I NEED T TALK TO THIS NICE MAN"!!!! She then said "I am leaving"! (well, I DID drive, and the car was locked, so I don't know where she thought she was going??' I let her make her scene, she then stomped off to who knows where....I did not chase her. I then apologized to the man several times, and told him that she has a severe mental illness, narsisitic personality disorder, there is NO treatment for it and she does this all the time, and that I am to the point that I don't want to take her anywhere. He was very nice about it (thank god). (she also did this to me when I was in 8th grade, she was mad about who knows what, she stomped into my school, went into the office, demanded to know where I was, she stomped INTO my classroom, and proceeded to scream at me, made yet another scene, and the look on my classmates faces was sheer horror and they all were like "THAT IS YOUR MOM"? I will never forget that...she then extracted me from my class, and took me home, and yelled at me the rest of the night). Her making a scene in public has never stopped.
She came into my work (I work retail for now) a few days ago, and started in on how "it was everyone else's fault...." I was about in tears when she left.
The last thing my late father ever said to her right before he left and divorced her was "You are going to become a very lonely and bitter old woman". BTW, she never lets a day pass that she is bashing him or her mother. Never stops.
I remind her that dad isn't even HERE to defend herself, and that my brother IS dead, her only other child has gone total NO contact, and she only has one shot left with me....she has grandkids and a few great grandchildren that she has never seen, and there is a reason WHY. I remind her that No one even came over for the holidays because she is sooooo negative. She thinks "friends" that she has waste their time on their families, and they should all be single and get rid of their kids, etc, so they can be free to do what they want (her words exactly). personally, I think she IS jealous of them, but she wont admit it. She also watches that I.D. channel 192 on DISH 24/7. That negative content really bothers me and there has got to be some other psychiatric condition she has as well because she likes to see bloody, gory true crime shows, likes the content, crime scene photos, etc,. THAT stuff really bothers me cause it is so negative and I don't like to see that stuff...(people getting murdered, etc). I told her to watch something MORE positive as we have enough hatred and greed in the world everyday. Her reply was that there was NOTHING wrong with it, and she always liked that content. I have my own TV but I never really watch it except for the horse chanell.

20 Comments

Has you mother ever had treatment for her mental illness? It seems that she needs a thorough work-up with a psychiatrist and some medications.
If she's healthy and able bodied why is she living with you?
That is horrible what she does. One word of advice is to not criticize her to her face, but to speak calmly. Like if she says she's leaving, then say you'll meet her at the car when she's finished. Or say that if she'll hold on, you can go get some lunch. IOW, you have to become the good parent to herself and to you.The salesman didn't really need to know your mother's history. Maybe and shrug and a "Mothers! What do you do?" would have said it all. We all have mothers, so know what that means.

I know you need to be with her right now. I think about her being an old, willful mare who is intent on having her way. You would be surprised what some kind words, carrot bits, or peppermint balls can do to win a horse's favor. It is the same with people.

Maybe you could leave her at home when it comes time for tech stuff, then take her when you go places where she is competent. I don't know what that is, but I know you'll know what her talents are. She can feel like she's the expert in those places.

The cable/satellite people will drive us crazy periodically. Every now and then we have a shuffling of the channels after the stations bid for placement on the lineup. When that happens, I locate my mother's favorite channels and make her a list so she can dial the right channel in. She learns the list fairly quickly, so it works. (It would be so much worse if she had Alz, instead of VaD.) The channel shuffling they do makes me realize that the world is not in tune with the needs of the elderly.
BTW, if your mother uses the programming mode, you can program the channels in. Mine puts the channel number in directly, which makes it easier for me. Programming is a bit of a pain.
She CANNOT do "tech stuff"....I have to live with her cause I only make 800 a month after taxes...She IS narcissistic. She HAS been diagnosed. I am just frustrated as hell right now and need to vent. She is pissed at DISH network and taking it out on me.
I feel for you! Vent away...I'm sorry you've had to deal with this your whole life.
This is a difficult mental illness to deal with; perhaps you can consider finding a room mate to share expenses and make other living arrangements. Whew, I thought my very elderly mother was a handful, but I don't see how you manage.
Cant do a room mate...Had one back in UT. He was the ultimate room mate from Hell.
The last words my late dad said to her when he divorced her was "You're going to die a VERY lonely, bitter and old woman."......(dad WAS right) Brother died in 05, Dad passed in 08, and sis is NO contact. I AM the only thing she has left. At least I can go and hang out at the barn and ride. THAT is my one escape from her BS. And even though I make poo for wages right now, I refuse to give up the horse, as he IS the only emotional and mental therapy that I have to get away from her and regroup as I need to.
I am in the process of starting up my own business, and I am getting customers slowly, but it just takes a little time. As soon as the finances are much better for me, I am soooooo outta here.

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