Dealing With Sibling Control in my Husband's Family
This may be long and drawn out..But this past December my mother-inlaw had a break down and needed to be put into a Psychiatric Hospital, this was totally out of the blue..My husband and I live in California and come home often, I should begin by saying there are 4 Siblings in this family..2 boys, 2 girls. My husband being the youngest, age's range from 62-46..the two older siblings, boy and girl also live in California. One sister lives in Michigan where my mother in law lives. My husband has been always the closest to his parents..the older children didnt have a good relationship with their parents. My husband was a born late in my mother in laws life, so she was a totally different parent to him than the others..The have always been resentful of my husband because of the relationship he has had with the parents..His father passed away 5 years ago. So when this tragic set back happened with his mom it thru us for a loop. My husband flew back to Michigan to be with his mom and the older brother happened to be there at the time working on a movie set (he is a location manager for the movie industry) I will give a little back ground of him..He is 62 a struggling actor his entire life..No moved into the location manager area as its easier to get a position..I can count on one hand since my husband and I have been together 22 years how many times he has been to visit his parents/mother. When he comes into town, he stays with a cousin instead of staying with his mother..every time..sometimes being in the same town and never stopping to see her. So he happened to be in town when this all took place so he was the first on scene and had her commited prior to my husband getting there. My husband is the POA, Durable Medical POA, so my husband stays there for 2 weeks, realizing that his mom has to be put in a assisted living home as she has been diagnosed with Dementia. So he flies home..We pack up the car with a months worth of things plus dog, knowing that we will have to spend a least a month there getting this ready for her move. We drive across country 4 days in a car, spending lots and lots of money on gas, hotel rooms, and mind you we had to rent a car..(1200.00 rental bill for one month) We arrive back to Michigan, go to meetings with homes, VA papers to fill out, meet with attorney's..ect..All the while my husband is doing all of this, with no or little imput from the other siblings..He is keeping them apprised as to what's going on..In the mean time, we are unable to work being there (husband is an antique dealer and I have my own business of housesitting/petsitter which leaves me no work in Michigan) So in the mean time we are trying to take care of his mom, pay our bills, rent, ect..His mom is on a very limited income and does own her home..But we find out that the assisted living home is 700.00 more than what she gets a month on S.S and a little pension. So we file for VA assistant since his father was in the war she is entitled to $..so it still doesnt cover the expense of taking care of other bills, from the house, and her supplemental insurance and ect...So we realize she has a B of A credit card and we told her that my husband was going to add his name to the account so we can pay some bills and the taxes and purchase items for her that she needed for her move into the assisted living home..She was fine with it as long as the bill gets paid every month..At the time we were reading over her POA and it stated that whoever is the POA agent can reimburse themselves for anything that pertains to the care of taking care of her. Knowing full well there was no way she was going to have the money to pay a credit card bill so we assumed the debt ourselves..During this time we were begining to be financial strapped ourselves with no income coming in, we told her we would be using the card to make a few payments of our own so we wouldnt have to worry about them while we were there taking care of her..Mind you she had a 3500.00 balance before we used the card. And with her taxes and our expenditures it was 5800.00..So we moved her into the home and we continued to keep up on all her bills, we went back to California..a few days later, the sister whom lives in Michigan called and said she caught the older brother at the house going thru stuff looking for something..of course he got mad at her and started yelling at her..So a day or so later, we find out that he called the Credit Card Company and told them that his brother was using the card and wanted to close the account..So he gets the mom on the phone and she is entirely confused..but they close account..So long store short...The older brother and sister ended up calling protective services on us, the police get involved and so we paid the credit card charges off what we used..and now my husbands rights as the POA are void..Who does that? There has never been a good relationship ever but to call the police? So all my husband wants is for his mom to be happy..