Need serious advice! I want to move out of my 61-year-old mom's house and stop putting my life on hold.

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I have been living with my mom for going on three years. I have done everything for her that she ask. I put my own life on hold for all this time since it seem too complicated to go after my goals in life, and also deal with mom, all her appts. and problems. Well I have decided that I truly want to move out. My mom is only 61 and is quite capable, and tends to all her personal care needs. I feel that it is time for me to move on. I;m also a single mom, raising a ten yr. old son. Us living all together has not been a pleasant experience. Even when I move I am more then willing to still take my mom to her appts. and help her with all her errands so I'd just like advice that my decision is appropriate. I know how I feel because I know everything I have went through in the past three years. My mom has a slight case of dementia. The only task she doesn't do anymore is drive and cook. Which I will still make sure to help her with all that, and her important needs are met. However I just need my own life back, and own private home. I really can't wait.


My serious advice is that your decision is approrpirate. Move out and move on with your own life. Continue to help Mom as she needs it. Keep a very close eye on her. Slight dementia now could be severe dementia next year (or not -- the progression rate varies greatly.) At the first sign that she needs more help and support, help arrange it for her. That doesn't mean you have to move back in. You need to see that she gets the services she needs.

She can't cook any more. What about a service like Meals on Wheels? That is the kind of thing you should be looking into for her, rather than thinking you must provide all the services yourself.

Get your own life back.
Jeanne had excellent advice about meal on wheels. I hope you find a pleasant way to discuss your moving with her. It may be that she also would like a little space. You can be her personal chauffeur, and you can still visit back and forth. Living on your own will give you a chance to rebuild your personal life. It is hard to do when you're a caregiver. Hope you find a great place to live with your boy.
Not being able to cook or drive is definitely a handicap. You need to discuss options with her caseworker first. You can go on with your own life only if there is the home care needed for her problems. One is supposed to let the doctor and the caseworker know when one leaves. Otherwise you may get sued for elderabuse. Sorry, but that is what I have been told.

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