Daughter moved mom into her home.

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She is not allowing friends and family members to see her. Also she will not return calls and auctioned off her belongings. My mom's friend of 65+ yrs and my friend of 60yrs lost her husband 8 months ago. WE both think our friend has had the start of alzheimer and her daughter is not getting her the proper medical care. We ask the daughter about this and she got very angry. Daughter moves her mom in with her/does not return calls from family and friends/last visit I made was a surprise visit to daughters home/my friend let me in house, daughter was gone/my friend told me she was in hiding and people where trying to get to her to kill her and take her money so she had to stay with her daughter. Very sad someone is telling her with lies. I called mty mom so they could talk and the same story was told. daughter comes home and was pissed I was there asked me how I knew where she lived and how I knew her mom was there. I told her I went to her moms house and it was locked up tight so where else would she be? My mom had been by her friends houe 3 times no one home. I left and the more I thought about it I called the police to have them go and talk to my friend. That did it because not to long after my mom & I both got letters from our friends attorney not to contact her again and if we did she would file a civil cuit against us. Last Friday I went to the daughers house with a poinsetta and xmas cards. No one would come to door, there was a camera on door bell and I was asked to please go away by daughter. I called police and waited for officer. I asked officer to ask my friend 2 questions, did she have her attorney send the letter and did she know that her personal items were begining auction off and her house emptied. Since the daughter had 30 minutes to coach her mom on what to say the officer came back and said yes she sent the letter and it was none of my business about her house. Also they would be filing that Civil Suit against me for harrsement. I don't know where to turn or how to find help. I've call Adult protective services,police department...whats my next steps. I would apprecaite any help! Also right after passing of husband my friend got a restrainning order against her only son to keep him and his family out of the picture. Sister told mom that he had stolen some coins from the house and he was trying to break in the house. Not true..but its keeping him out of the picture as well~This was one big happy family at one time, what happens?


The next step is: you get sued. Now you go see your own defense lawyer. The more you go there, the more it will cost you in fines. Make no contact.
Thank you ...are you speaking from experience?
Look up a "cease and desist" letter. That is what they sent you.
Friends60yrs, am I reading this correctly, that your Mom's friend was telling you that someone was trying to harm her and take her money? If yes, please note that when a person has Alzheimer's/Dementia, they are known to tell stories that are not true.

I can understand your concern about your friend, but calling the police??? By doing that you stirred up a hornets nest.

Your next step is to step aside and let your friend's family deal with the Alzheimer's, it is not an easy journey for them.
Friends60yrs, rest assured as the alzheimers progresses there will most likely come a time that they will not be able to take care of your friend at home and she will have to be placed in either a long term facility or have 24/7 nursing care at home. Have you considered that the care giver may be auctioning off your friends belongings in order to have funds to take care of your friend? This is something you will probably never know. At this time, if I were you, I would get together with my lawyer and draft a letter of apology that you may have acted irrationaly without full knowledge of your friend's condition. The reason that she may be keeping people out of the house is that many others may have reacted to the situation without thinking also. I have an elderly friend that would gladly move into my only empty bedroom but what she doesn't realize is that it would actually bankrupt us. She doesn't realize to what degree we are struggling financially since my husband's early retirement at 62. (Obamacare insurance is not cheap, by no means! although he makes more with his SS than what his salary was.). She also doesn't realize the strain that it would put on us although we have been married 44 years. There are a lot of changes going on in her household right now. After things settle down she may relax some of the rules and allow visitors. I would try my best to be truthfully sorry for over reacting, be patient and wait and see. See a lawyer and speak with him first to see if there is anyway being sued can be avoided and follow his advise. Take care, and I wish you the best.
Friends60years, this sounds suspicious to you, but not unusual to people who know a lot about dementia. Paranoia and false stories often go with dementia. Family realize that the person is not going to be able to live on their own again, so sell the property. Most likely the money will be used for the care of the person. When you believe your friend about someone wanting to kill her, etc., and acted by contacting the police instead of figuring out what was true and what was paranoia, it put the daughter in a very awkward position. I would have been upset, too. It is a shame the daughter didn't put your mind at ease, but calling the police was a pretty strong statement.

Let the daughter take care of her mother the best way she can. Caring for someone with dementia is very difficult. Now that the APS and police are watching her, I'm sure it is even more so. A good thing to do would be to learn about dementia and see if there is some way you can help that would be useful. Your heart seems to be in the right place, but you didn't know the things being said were very common for someone with dementia.
I just thought of a good example. Today my mother was talking to my cousin on the phone. She told her I fed her dinners that were loaded with carbs that kept her sugar high and that she never had trouble before I started cooking for her. I'm sure my cousin now thinks I'm an unfit caregiver, even though every night I prepare a dinner that is designed with diabetes in mind. In my mother's mind what she was saying was probably true. The problem is that it was untrue. I sure hope my cousin doesn't call APS. Maybe I should talk to her. Her MIL had Alzheimer's, though, so she probably knew to question the information she was hearing.
Thank you everyone for the feedback and taking the time to response. 2 million dollars in assets and a monthly income of $11,000.00 should be some assistance to the daughter in caring for her mother. Yes it is time for me to step aside and let her deal with it I hope she takes good care of her and not just her money.

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