They say it is darkest before the it must get better, right?

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Things are so bad right now, I don't know if I can get through this....tooo many details to explain but it is so very hard right now.


looking back a few years id say that the decline and demise of our elders is probably what conditions us and strenghtens us to BECOME the new community elders .
i can only say that life is getting better for me almost 1 year after my moms passing . i just feel more capable and calm inside . all my energies are focused on getting my own life back on track .im helping out an 80 yr old demented aunt now and it comes easy . a casual laughter where there was once mourning and depression .
I know things may seem very bad right now. I think all human beings have strength that we can call on in time of crisis. I think taking a deep breath and logically thinking about the situation will help. I read a blog called Happiness in this world and according to Budahism a prayer is a vow to seek wisdom. I think wisdom is the ultimate answer to all. I am a Christian but I believe that all knowledge is of benefit. Please hang in there!
my heart goes out to you Photo, and I know it must be a really bad time going on in your home, but, you've made it through this far, you have to hang in there, please, for yourself and all of us that care about you and your situation.
you seem like the strong silent type. i used to be that way too, for many years.

i became an alcoholic quite by accident, was raped by my best friend in NYC, a wall street bond trader, Harvard MBA, i was 36 he was 33. at the very least we expected to be best friends forever; we talked on the phone every day, spent time together when we could. we never talked about marriage or anything like that, it was just assumed we were not a good match in that regard, had some pretty serious religious differences in our backgrounds, and for other reasons as well. my rape counselor said to me when my appointed sessions, paid for by the city, had ended, ' i have to apologize to you. i had no idea how much you loved this person'. i drank every day for four years, beginning the afternoon after the rape. never had a drinking problem in my life, never even liked the taste of it. it was the only way i could think of to numb the extreme pain, i'd never experienced anything like it in my entire life, and God willing never will again, it was beyond words.
thanks be to God, i had my last drink in 1998, i believe it was a miracle. there was never any further contact with my former best friend, to this day. so i went from daily conversations with this person, total love and support, to literally nothing, in almost an instant.

some random thoughts, but i see in your profile some of the same things i went thru. i remained silent for many years, until after my father died in 2010. finally started to speak up about things that had been going on for a long time. at first it was just yelling and screaming at my mother and talking to priests one on one in confession. here it is four years later and i'm finally starting to reach out to other people for some kind of support. i wish i could give you some positive feedback on that front, but so far that part of it is not working, actually it's failing miserably. i get a lot of hate mail, people can be downright vicious, especially when they're under stress.

what is working is this. i think when we speak up about our pain and suffering indirectly it helps others who may be going thru similar experiences. it's only in getting out of our own heads that we sometimes find relief. it was only when i stopped thinking about my own problems all the time, began reaching out to others, that the depression started to lift.
Yes and no. Your husband has a progressive disease that may continue getting worse until he dies. Your grief over his increasing impairments may get worse. The physical effort of caring for him may become even harder. None of this is certain -- but it is likely.

So it may get even darker.

But you've gotten through it this far, and you've gained strength along the way (even if you don't feel particularly strong at the moment). You will get through the darkness. Seek out all the help you can. Lean on every support you have. Trust in your own compassion and strength.

My husband died of Lewy Body Dementia about a year and a half ago. Oddly enough, as the disease itself got darker in the physical realm it lightened up in the cognitive area. He became more coherent and his personality shown through more. We became closer in those last few weeks. He died holding my hand. I've gotten through the dawn. There are bright sunny days and overcast days and a few days now and then with very little light.

You ask if things will get better. I think the answer is YES ... but maybe not immediately, and maybe not all at once.

Being a caregiver to a loved one (especially a life partner) is a very hard journey. I think getting discouraged at times is inevitable. Not seeing how we can continue is bound to happen sometimes. But you will make it through, and you will have other journeys that will be much happier.

Continue posting here. We hear ya! But also reach out for all the local help you can find. We often realize we must get help for our loved one, but it is important to recognize we need help too.

Please keep in touch and let us know how this is going for you.
Photoartc, is there someone in real life you can talk to? People here support you, and are sorry you're going through a hard time, but it's not like we can meet for coffee.
ive changed my mind .
no , it gets worse . as caregiving causes us to mature the people around us chip away at us with their oblivion . ya wanna cram one inside another , inside another and throw em in the oven like a dam turducken ..
( teeth grinding )
sorry to see you're having a bad day again captain.
keep coming back, it works if you work it.
eh , im fine dusty . just need a higher quality of " friends " . it isnt all in my head , some of these clowns are laughable . my friend ( flatline ) only buys the highest dollar food from kroger , leaves leftovers on the stove every night and crams them in the dog bowl the next evening-- because " joey wont eat leftovers " . i call BS . you dont feed that cokesacker for about ten days and hed eat lawn clippings .
i wouldnt care but i get sick of hearing about bounced checks . meanwhile im thrilled to be able to afford chicken livaars . her response ' " i dont eat liver " .
hopeless , im sayin . i like to fix things , " hopeless " makes my gray matter sizzle .
Photo any update on how you are doing today? Worried about you

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