Damned if I do, damned if I don't!
My 87 year old mother seems like she's never satisfied with what her children do for her. I take her to all her MD appointments, and afterwards take her shopping and out to lunch or dinner. My brothers help by making all her meals, mowing her lawn, cleaning her house. In addition to my taking her out 1-2 times during the week, my youngest brother takes her out every Friday, gets her groceries, etc. She tells me she's bored, she's lonely, and that she doesn't go anywhere. She lives at home alone, and is capable of doing some things. We try to take care of all her basic needs and then some. She's always saying "I've got to get out of this house, I need a change, I'm so lonely, I'm so bored, etc. I don't go anywhere. I tell your brother I need my shed painted (it was just painted 2yrs ago). I need my refrigerator cleaned, my cupboards cleaned, my flower gardens weeded. Nobody seems to want to do anything for me. I need my fall cleaning done, and put up curtains for the winter." All of kids are very dedicated to our mother, but she can really make us feel guilty for anything she wants done, opposed to all the things that we do.
Today, while we were out, I said that when I come back from vacation in 2wks, that I would come stay for a few days so that I can wash her walls in the living room and put up clean curtains for winter. Her exact words were, "I had an idea that if you came down, I'd like to have my living room painted. I'm bored with the color, and need a change." I told her that I can't wash the walls, paint, and put up curtains. It was too much for me. I am a married woman of 66 years old, have my own home, live 1hr away. When she has appointments that I take her to, I have to travel to her home an hour away, pick her up, bring her to her appointment 1/2 hour away, bring her back home, and then come back home myself. We would all do anything for my mother, but I am feeling very frustrated. My thoughts are that she is 87 years old, still lives at home, has kids who help her out, is capable of taking care of her daily needs ie: taking a shower, getting dressed etc. Yet, when home with herself, makes a mental list of all the things she wants done. None of us kids can go to her house to visit her without her having a list of things to do while we are there. As of late, I am feeling resentment, anger and frustration to the point of feeling she is better off gone, as she is a very unhappy woman. She doesn't seem to appreciate what life she has left. I feel that she is very lucky at her age to be in her own home, with children who cater to almost every need she has. I don't feel that she needs all these things done to stay at home. I am beside myself. Looking for comments, suggestions, opinions, etc. Extremely frustrated.