Dad with dementia and Mom blind with diabetes.

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I am about to pull my hair out after talking on the phone with my parents. My 80 year old Mother has been going blind with macular degeneration for some 10 years now and also has diabetes which causes frequent hypoglycemia attacks which my 80 year old Father does not consider. She says he gets very abusive, inconsiderate and goes in the bathroom and locks the door. She thinks he has dementia. She's very catholic & he's gown tired of the catholic faith. He says hateful things to her when she wants to do prayer and he controls TV causing her not to get to watch her favorite shows on catholic TV. She says she can't see features on faces but knows voices and can see shadows of people's images. I usually end up taking a few drinks to calm down over all the confusion & drama that happens every time we speak. Can anyone relate to what I'm going through. Do you have any techniques on how to say the right things to her on the phone? She seems to want it all her way and he seems selfish and mean all the time.


John, your parents need more than they are getting. Do they live independently? Are you in touch with their doctor? Is there a social worker affiliated with their community or with their doc who could help? You could contact the Area Agency on Agency for their County and ask for advice.
I think AA would help you a lot, because part of the recovery is to identify the people who push you over the edge and how to avoid being manipulated.
Thank you ba8alou for your response to my question. Mom has been trying to convince my dad to make an appointment at the VA with his doctor and have her go with him in to his appointment so the doctor can hear her side of the story but, dad don't want her to go in the exam room to hear what is said. He's already gone by himself and returned home only to let her know the doctor says he's fine and all people who are aging forget things. It sound like from my mom that he's causing all her problems. On the other hand I do see his side of it, mom is step mom whom I love and care for but. she can be overbearing in her attitude in her beliefs. I try to go by the old adage that Mother is always right but at the same time I don't like taking sides against my father. My only sibling is a sister who live 10 minutes away but wants nothing to do with our parent's problems. I have a addiction to booze which doesn't help matters. I've been trying to quit because I know it will only hurt all of us and make matters worse. I live 1500 miles from my parents & sister.
John, I agree with Pam. Go to AA for starts. Call the local Agency on Aging for their County and ask for their advice on how to proceed.

John, you don't have to decide who is right. On the phone, you listen to mom's woes and Dad's woes and say " hmmm, what is your plan to deal with that?" This situation is of their making. THEY can call their Area Agency on Aging and get advice. Mom could call up VA doctor and report what she thinks. They could buy a second TV. Don't let them make you responsible for what THEY are not willing to change or fix. "Mom is always right" can be countered with "Father knows best". They are sayings meant for the ears of small children...not YOU!

AND go to AA. Today.

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